gossip and intentions

In an act of defiance, i suppose, the star of yesterday’s office drama came to office in the same dress!! Disgusting – for one, you don’t wear the same dress two days in a row to office; secondly, the dress does not do anything for her other than expose what is not worth looking (i being the mean cat asked S “whatever is she thinking – even with that dress, no one is going to fall for her”! i can be mean but that is the truth. She does not have the looks or the personality to attract anyone. Well, my fangs and claws are really out today!).

S has (ok, my tiny manipulative hands are behind this) reported this to HR. Once might be written off as a mistake. But showing such act of defiance – well, it ruffled our feathers. OK, i am all too aware of the freedom of expression and all that. But hello, this is the office. There is something called decorum. We hardly care if she were to strut in a two piece bikini after office hours or cavort under the waterfalls a la Mandakini.

i will be going home tomorrow for a week. Not too excited about it – i have not faced the winter cold of Imphal for years. Hell, i even feel cold over here in this non-existent winter. All my winters in Imphal were spent with a blocked nose regularly nourished with Vicks and regular steaming session to unclog my respiratory system which just cannot stand cold. i guess i shall have to resort to sleeping with hot water bags again. How hot is that?!

After i come back, i would have to really buck up and catch up on my coding. The beginning of the new year shall see me, hopefully, less quarrelsome, less of door slamming, more of an understanding partner (god bless my soul which has such good intentions!)…If only intentions were all that mattered…..

Blood, phobia and office gossip

A funny incident occurred today at work– well, maybe not funny but it seemed funny to me; everything seems funny to me these days. One of the project guys told a fellow project female that she should be wearing decent clothes!! The female took umbrage at what she thought was a dig at her “dignity” (her choice of word, not mine). She escalated it to S, my priyo sakhi (the right word would be sakha considering that S is a guy – or so he says – but i tell him sakhi is the right word since i don’t think of him as a guy. S continues to be my dear friend inspite of this!).

Forgive me for being superficial, but this female is not good looking, that being kind to her. And she has such atrocious taste which puts me off. After coming back from her 3 months stint in the States, she is desperately trying to be “westernized” – hair dyed to almost-blond and all that. Today, she wore something that made us all look twice at her – and i never even glance her way on other days! The poor junior later came to us and told us that he found her dress so indecent that he could not bear it and told her off in the lift itself! We were like we agree with you but since this is a delicate issue, this should have gone through the proper channel blah blah…

i find it amusing that people seem more interested in picking up accent (oh god, it really hurts my ears listening to “phorenised” Indian accent), dress sense and eating habits instead of trying to imbibe better things like their civic sense, dignity of labor, sense of independence et al.

i cut my finger yesterday – was scared i would faint seeing the blood. Was disappointed (eh?) because i didn’t bleed profusely – he was nice enough to “mend” it with the band-aid while i looked away. My sister cut her finger once – i am scared of blood. She bled all over the place while i went hyper. And i am scared shit of caterpillars and other creepy crawlies. My worst nightmare would be waking up to a room full of crawlies. i shout my lungs out if i were to encounter one when i am shelling peas. i cannot even watch them on TV without squirming. i can deal with anything that walks – what gets is thing that crawls!

S is going onsite for one month – it is going to be one quiet month at work. We cannot work without picking on each other. Everyday we trade about a million galis – it would go something like - tui sala, tor khandan sala, tui baje tor khandan baje. Juvenile. And we are like old hags – we are so fond of gossip. He knows almost everything that goes on in this company – like who is going out with whom, who has hired a divorce lawyer - and he relays this for me to dissect and pass sarcastic comments.

petty gypsy -- not a typo - petty and not pretty

Right now, i am supposed to be coding. But my mind keeps slipping away to places i would rather not visit. i don’t know why but i am morose. i left the house in a huff today (slammed the door as hard as my tiny hands could - hope the hinges have fallen off).

He says he cannot read my mind and i should speak out and get things off my chest instead of smoldering inside! i am not the kind to keep things inside – in fact i am the type who cannot keep anything inside. But i have been noticing this change inside me – i am withdrawing into a shell when it comes to him. As much i think I love him (see, even the choice of words – “i think”!), i find myself turning into a “silent brooding” bitch. Why, i don’t want to fathom. i guess i am so tired of our fights. Even though we inevitably make up, fights do take a toll on relationships - don’t they? How do we transform into such ugly creatures when we fight – shouting at each other, refusing to see the other side of the picture? We should be shot for trying to destroy such a beautiful relationship. Maybe they knew what they were saying when they said too much of love is not good –

bahut zyada pyaar bhi
accha nahin hota
kabhi damaan chudana
ho toh muskil hota he

We fight. i sulk. He lights up cigarette after cigarette (just to bug me, i suppose, as i cannot stand smoking – how idiotic of him to cut his nose to spite his face). Then one of us will make a move, ask something inane like ‘are we even going to eat tonight?” – the other has been waiting all the while for the ice to melt. The tone would be cold – as if it would not matter even if we starved to death. That would be enough to start the thaw – well, not all the times. Sometimes, it takes more than that.

i am going to sneak off after office and buy something nice for him. i should not have lost my temper in the morning - i hope the door is still standing. i was mean to him. OK, i will cook something nice for him and wait for him to come home – if he says anything mean to me, then i shall pour the whole dish over his head (I would have to stand on a chair for that).


Why am i making this blog like a fight-diary??? But then, hell, this is my blog and i shall write what i choose to.

----
He called me up 5 minutes back – said he would try to come out early and we could go buy the microwave we didn’t buy yesterday (because his highness’s mood got spoiled because a certain someone stayed silent and sulked when she learned that the plan to go to Imphal might not materialize because of his project delivery schedule! I am not good at handling disappointments). Anyway, slammed door forgotten, we would be leaving to go get the microwave – at last. At least, i can use it to roast his clothes next time instead of slamming the door. My, my – such petty nature. So what?

rekindled fire.....

Back after what seems a lifetime. The last post saw me half out of love and this one finds me, well, in love again! i guess we are turning into a can’t- live-with-can’t-live-without kind of couple. As boring as it sounds, we patched up - yet again. And the sky has been clear since then – i guess we both are trying hard not to step on each other’s toes.

So we are slowly heading back towards normalcy – watching scary movies and stupid serials together, eating from the same plate (which is something i find endearing – i don’t remember when and why we started this but we always eat from the same plate.), laughing at each other’s silly jokes.

My problem is that i expect people to know what i want without me taking the trouble of telling them – stupid when i know people cannot read minds. i am like a petulant child most of the times – and to his credit this guy has put up with me for years. i guess I should grow up and start behaving like the adult i profess to be – tough.

We would be going to Imphal for a week. i think it would make sense for us to enroll in a frequent flier program or something. It is going to be cold as hell – my body is low on heat; i faced the winters when i was a kid armed with hot water bags and smothered by wollens.

My parents, sisters, my adorable niece and my precocious cousin are going over next week. It is a task trying to get my family to come visit us here. They keep dilly dallying- it is one excuse or the other. It takes me nearly 6 months of nagging phone calls – have you got your tickets?? – to get them to come over. i can understand they feel cooped up inside an apartment. But still….

Today is a very special day for us. So we are planning to order out for some special food and dine watching our favorite weepy soaps! Plus go shopping for a microwave. It is going to be fun.

love sucks...

If only life was easy as baking a ready-to-bake cake! The hardest thing in life is letting go. Specially, when you have invested so much of yourself in it. When we weave dreams, little do we know how much it would hurt if the dreams were to be torn apart.

i am not bitter with life. In fact, i still find myself smiling, cracking inane jokes. It is when i lay down to sleep that i visit the place inside where confusion reigns. i am so undecided about what i want – stay or move on. Either way, i will lose a part of my life. i had made a choice a year back and i feel i should stick to it come what may. But a part of me tells me it is not worth it while another part feels i would be letting down so many people. Selfish as i am, my steps falter as i plan to open a new door to another life. The choice is mine to make and i am numb. This i know for sure - i will survive, with or without love. And i know i will learn to trust again. If only i can take the first step…..

But still, this heart that has loved skips a beat when the one it has loved reaches out to touch it. Love is a cruel thing. Our lives are too entangled to disengage ourselves without bleeding. i have packed my emotional baggage (so heavy i can hardly shoulder it!) but every time i turn to go, something makes me stop. i have yet to extricate my heart from love’s clutches. What is it about love that you keep hoping everything will work out? What foolish world does love inhabit that it turns a blind eye to everything? Why do the heart insists of finding an excuse for love’s every fault?

i am actually getting bored of these heartaches. i am so saturated.

happiness is a choice...

At another crossroads. Confused? Yes, i am. We are the choices we make in life. And as difficult as it is, i think it is time i faced some bitter truths. Of course, i am the kind that loves running away – given half a chance, i would love to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that all is well in paradise.

i think it is time i decided what i really want from life – whether i want to be a free soul or be tied down by love – well, all is not well if i start thinking i am being tied down by love! The choice is mine and hell, i wish i could have my cake and eat it too. Umm, you cannot have everything your way, honey. So wake up and smell the fumes.

Matters of the heart apart, life is dragging on. On the work front, i need to gear up – have something big to deliver by end of January and i still have not touched it! Giving the kids a hard time – talk about taking out your frustrations on others!! i have a training to impart next week. It is an external training and god knows how many people are going to be there to listen to my blah- blah. i thought it was a good thing to have my plate full just to distract my mind.

Have been singing melancholic songs to myself all through the weekend – Don’t Cry, Woh mere needh mera chain mujhe lauta do, chupke chupke….It is fun trying to depress an already depressed mind – sadistic indeed. But when i am at it, i might as well let my mind drown before it realizes that it is no fun wallowing in pain and that there are other better things in life.

i could be bitter, i could slash my wrist (ugh, i would faint when i see the first drop of blood!), i could cry till my eyes swell up like raisins soaked in water (eh??) – but i choose to be happy in spite of everything. Because i deserve it. Yes, i deserve to be happy. Period.

One step at a time.....

Let me take my time,
To wipe these tears.
Let me savour this pain,
Of having loved and lost.
Let me mend these wounds,
One stitch at a time.
Let me untie these bonds,
One thread at a time.
Let me erase your love,
One memory at a time.
Let me –
Just let me be alone.

heartbreak season -II

If you must,
Then go.
But tread slowly--
For you walk on my dreams.
If the shards of my broken dreams
Should make you falter
Sweep them aside
But do not stop.
If you should turn back -
Honey, i would be long gone.

heartbreak season...

You are but a touch away
But how do i bridge this chasm between us?
This thin line between love and hate—
Have we crossed it in a moment of passion?
We both lay,
Wrapped in this blanket of silence.
One move, one touch, one smile
It is all that would take to break this spell.
But we wait—
Prolonging this hell we are in.
We toss and turn and sigh in our sleep
Hoping the other would hear the pain
That echoes in the silence between us.
Wounded pride and broken hearts—
Is that all that remains of our love?

chunk candle

One of my babies!

gender confusion?!

His parents are coming over today – so we have been trying to clean up the place and make it spick and span. They are sticklers for neatness – everything has to be in its place and all that.

i, on the other hand, am untidy to say the least. Maybe it is having grown up with people always tidying up after me – at home, i had my big sisters; in hostel S used to tidy up the corner of my room; now he does the tidying up. i have books in every corner – read and leave them, that is my policy! Hell, i can’t even fold a shirt properly – not that i am proud of the fact! i could be possibly one of the worst home-keepers in this world. i seem to float around in my own world where mundane worries occupy no place. But, to my credit, when i do take up house cleaning – rare occasions indeed - i go the whole hog.

Sometimes, i wonder why it is that i have so few feminine traits – no, i don’t feel like a guy trapped in a woman’s body! i can’t stand perfumes – i breathe through my mouth when i am in a perfume shop much to S’ amusement -, am emotionally allergic to ornaments of any kind – i did go through a phase in college when i wore earrings and junk jewellery. Now the only thing i wear willingly (apart from clothes, that is!) is a platinum ring. i don’t like frilly garments. No wonder S tells me sometimes “Tumi ki meye (Are you a girl?)”! Hah!

zen and the art of choosing cars!

Finally, after much debate, head-scratching, opinion poll of family members, we have bought a Zen Estilo. He wanted it before his parents come over on Thursday so it was sort of a hurried decision - of course we have spent many hours debating on whether we want to go in for a big car now – his dream CRV – or settle for a smaller car which we can dispose of later but i felt we were rushing it a bit. And since loan processing would have taken some days, he decided we should pay for it in cash so that we could get the car on Thursday. i didn’t feel like raining on his parade so i went along with his plan.

He wanted a WagonR because he didn’t like the look of the Estilo – well, truth be told, i don’t like either one of them but hell, the lesser of the two devils. We spent almost two hours at the showroom trying to make up our minds – he being a bit miffed that i didn’t go along with his choice. Oh great! i mean, people ask for your opinion and when you give them your opinion, they actually get offended that your choice is not to their liking! Anyway, there we were, checking out the two cars – oscillating between the two. In the end, i asked him to go for WagonR and he insisted on going for Estilo! God! His logic was that after he gets his CRV, i can drive the Estilo! Given a choice, i would dispose it and get myself something bigger – like a truck. Anyway, after looking at the features, we decided to ignore the not-too-impressive snub-faced look of the Estilo and went for it. S says it looks like a frog. i feel it looks more like a bug whose face has been squashed. But, as long as it can take us places, oh hell, does looks really matter? Oh well, it does. The only consolation is that we are not going to stick to it for a lifetime, so there.

And i am going bonkers about the 3D plan – we downloaded the trial version and god, am i impressed. We stayed up till 1 yesterday designing the blueprint of the flat. This is an excellent tool!

so tell me, do you fight?

The weekend – sigh, the weekend that was – punctuated with fights and make-up sessions. i am so tired of our silly tiffs – Friday always seem to bring out the worse in both of us. We both need a lesson in conflict handling. OK, making up is oh-so exciting but i would rather do without the fights. Do other couples fight too? Or are they so into each other that there is no scope of misunderstanding? i wonder.

Maybe it is partly my fault because i am too independent – i am too much into myself sometimes, OK, most of the times. But why should being independent be a fault? i guess i don’t like compromising and i cannot sugar coat my feelings – i mean i can be so blunt at times that it hurts the people i love. But what is the point of not being yourself with the ones you love – or even the ones you don’t? i mean, i don’t see any points in hiding my opinions or saying things i don’t mean just to make people happy. i know, as usual, i am being extreme. But i have been born with this attitude (eh?) – i love blaming everything on my genes! i just cannot hide my feelings – i have got too expressive a face for my own liking sometimes. Truth be told, i don’t like hiding my feelings – i would rather have it out in the open than have it festering inside. So be it crushes or loathing, you can always see it on my face. Which makes me a difficult person to be with – i admire his patience and love for having stuck to me for so long (it could be i have made him sick of girls now!! ha ha. Hey, i do have a weird sense of humour, ni?)

Oh enough of all this soul-baring-wearing stuff.

We are still undecided about which car to buy – it fluctuates from a 800 to Zen/Getz and their cousins. Now we are thinking of checking out the Indica Xeta. Such indecisive frogs we are. Which reminds me that i should stop being just a lazy ass and get my license.

And we are both going crazy about the plan for the flat – we keep changing our minds about the size and locations of the rooms. We went to meet the promoter on Saturday and he did help us out with some suggestions. He said yes to my plan to have those folding doors leading out to the balcony. But no bay windows .Now i am thinking of signing up for one of those online 3d software – just 15$ for a month and it is supposed to be helpful – much cheaper than hiring an architect or interior designer i say.

the cyclone that never came....

So the cyclone never came. Which left me slightly disappointed – i know this sounds cruel when you think about the havoc it could have created on lives but still…i woke up in the middle of the night and asked him if the cyclone had arrived. He said ‘no’. In the morning, the first thing i asked him was “Hasn’t the cyclone come?” He gave me an indulgent smile and said no. i had been preparing myself for heavy rains and gushing winds. Oh well, i should think about all the people whose lives were spared because a cyclone with a mind of its own decided to change its path. Maybe cyclones don’t fancy me.

i have been busy trying to make sense of all the data i have accumulated over the years. i think i have about 15 GB of data – which includes official mails, Design documents, my collection of songs -bangla, Hindi, Manipuri and English songs - my poems, recipes and what nots. It is getting quite out of hand. i wonder what i would do if i were to change jobs. Data hoarder – that is what i have become. i have deleted nearly 3 or 4 GB worth of data and it hurt – and i still have the 15 GB to safeguard!

We have been busy trying to re-design the new place. We have decided to go in for a 3 bedroom flat – with a study cum workshop kind of room where he can paint and i can make candles! It is tough trying to figure out how best to design the rooms. i want bay windows – it creates an illusion of space and i do need lots of space, as petite as i am! It is going to be a big place and i am looking forward to this project – this seems like a challenge worth taking. We would go meet the promoter tomorrow and put forward our design. The kitchen is going to be BIG and that is making me happy happy!

four blind mice...

Four Blind Mice – after abandoning yet another book halfway, i am reading this one now. By James Patterson, it is fast paced and my type of thriller – tales of murders sprinkled with a li’l bit of romance never fail to entice me! i think i will manage to get to the end of this one. i don’t know where this habit sprang up from – i have never been the type to discard a book without seeing to it that i read the last word. Am i growing old? – obviously i am.

My specs broke into half, literally! i went back from office yesterday, took out my lens and then i found my specs under my pillow lying there broken! i was heart-broken – of course i am being melodramatic. Since i cannot see that well without my glasses i had to put on my lens again. Ki kando. Now i have to go find someone to fix it. The troubles that dog us mortals!

S – the one onsite – says he wants to come back home. He is missing home, the poor soul. So i teased him about it – don’t expect me to dish out sympathy. i know he would find it tough to chuck his successful career over there. As i keep telling him, well you cannot have your cake and eat it too. So suck up and bear it or just come home. Life is all about the choices we make and how we deal with what our choices bring in their wake.

the weekend that was....

i am a ‘mashi’ once again - S gave birth to a baby boy this morning! Her husband called me up some time back to pass on the good news. i talked to S but she sounded groggy so i told her to get some rest and i will get back to her later. She told me the baby has my colouring. i am so happy for her! Like i said before, she will make a very good mother. She asked me to come over to Bangalore and have a look at the kid. S is like a sister to me. She is so different from me – very feminine, god-fearing, can never say ‘no’ to anyone and ‘bhodro’ down to her toes! She is the one who helped me master Bengali and appreciate Rabindra sangeet. My sister says i have very few friends but the ones i have are the kind who are willing to die for me – we are that close! S is one of them. And i love her.

The long weekend – i didn’t even have a chance to take an afternoon nap which is one thing i look forward to on a holiday. Friday was hectic – we did some cleaning around the house, went shopping for diyas, sweets and flowers. i made the first alpana of my life – we made it together. Then we lit the diyas (we ran out of ghee so we used mustard oil!!) and candles on the balcony – rushed down to take pictures! Then we went to the neighbour’s place with sweets – his idea, rather his mother’s idea. We went up on the terrace and watched the fireworks. i was planning on making jalebis for him but i didn’t . We made do with the stuff we bought and the sweets i got from my office. i don’t have much of a sweet tooth – i cannot or rather would not have more than one sweet at a time. But he loves sweets esp. soan papdi.

We went to visit the new place under construction – it would be complete by March next. It is about 20 minutes away from my office but would be about an hour or so from my place. We have booked two 2-bedroom flats and now we are wondering whether we should just merge the two and have a big 3-bedroom place with a bigger kitchen and bathrooms. The brickwork is not done yet so we have the option of making the modifications we want.

We went car-seeing on Saturday. Since our earlier plan was to fly the coop, he had dispatched his santro to Imphal. Now we are searching for a suitable car. He wants a Honda CRV but it is so expensive. Since we are not too sure about our plans i thought it would be better to buy a cheaper car so we would not have any qualms if we had to leave it here in case our plans take us overseas. i didn’t like the i10 – it does not do anything for me. But the new version of Getz looked OK to me so i was telling him maybe we should go for that. We also explored the option of buying a certified pre-owned (a better term for second hand!) car though i am not too keen about it. i mean, unless we are careful, we might end up with a car that would cost us quite a fortune in maintenance Maybe we will end up buying a Maruti 800! That would be fun. Or a rickshaw or maybe a tractor. Or a bicycle. Or maybe just stick to the ol’ faithful legs!

Yesterday, we were invited to bachou’s place for ‘ningol chakouba’. Emaibem is one of the best cooks i have known and we were looking forward to a great feast. And we were not disappointed. We were quite late – he took time getting ready, changing umpteenth shirts, asking me if he should wear this or that –the peacock! We had ilish (esp. for me!), baul mach (sareng), cauliflower, dal and singju. i, being a glutton, stuffed myself till i could hardly move. We decided to skip dinner and had tea and leftover kelichana. And i felt so hungry today that i called up the canteen at 12 and asked them when they were planning to serve lunch – much to S’ amusement! He said i must have overstuffed myself at lunch yesterday just so to save the money for dinner!

Bachou’s place is like a second home to me. i love spending time with them. Bachou is one of the most erudite persons i have known. He is the one who has inculcated in me the love of the written words, genetics, logical thinking and crosswords. i remember him teaching me chemistry and maths when he used to come to Imphal. Of course, we always argue – he thinks i am like a 5 year old because i watch cartoons with such glee! Emaibem is an elegantly soft-spoken person and she is like a mother figure to me. In a way, i am lucky. i am surrounded by such nice people. You would think some of their niceties would rub off on me but hard luck! i remain as refreshingly evil as ever!

week-ending thoughts

Looking forward to the long weekend ahead. Will pamper myself with a facial and maybe get him to treat me to his special "henna massage" - he is so good at it! Since i am one of those staunch non-believers, it will be just another day for me. But since he has faith in a higher authority and all that, i would help him celebrate it – light candles, decorate the house but no crackers... Thinking of making something special for him - but his increasing girth makes me think otherwise! Maybe i need to get him on a diet or maybe i should just stop cooking altogether. And we could starve to death in each other’s arms! What a thought.

Gave a training to the newbies. i remember being a bit uneasy when i gave my first training. i speak really fast so sometimes the kids have a tough time catching up. But i guess i have improved with time. Now, i relish giving training – provided i am not swamped with work. And it does help me increase my patience.

And Steel Junction apparently is not Tata Steel’s venture. i don’t know why i was so sure about it. But i liked the place – we bought a BIG dabba and two fancy kitchen stand. i was enamored with the kitchens on display. We are thinking of having a fancy kitchen in the new place we are buying – with built-in-oven and all those fancy kitchen stuff i am so crazy about. Then maybe i will quit my job and start a catering business. Nice thought, ni?

not made of steel

i still miss my man – but my aim is getting better. This is the book i am reading now. It was the title that caught my fancy. It is by Sarah something. Halfway through. Not something that is compelling enough to make me finish it in one go but entertaining nonetheless.

Today is dhanteras – not that i care much about festivals. But his mother wants us to buy something “shiny”. So we have decided to buy a steel dabba(container) - of all things! There is this place called Steel Junction (Tata Steel’s). i had my eye on it for quite some time now but never got a chance to go there. We have decided to go there, pick up something shiny and eat out! A relief because i am getting tired of going home and cooking everyday. Which proves i am not one of those indefatigable working women who can manage both office and hearth with élan. By the time i go home, all i want to do is slump in front of the TV with a steaming cup of tea. i am not made of steel - thank god! Cannot imagine myself all shiny and strong!!

dance with me, baby....

Now S and i have decided to do an ‘item number’ for the company annual day party – don’t know when it would be but it is usually held in December. We decided we would practice at home – he with his wife and i with my man. He does not know how to dance. i was teaching him a few steps of salsa yesterday. He was like “You are really moving your hips”! He stepped on my toes a couple of times – good thing we were dancing barefoot!

Of course, S’ and my item number might never materialize. i think everyone in the company will be shell-shocked to see us dancing. Plus we don’t know dancing that well to give a performance. But still we have been telling all the kids to join us and be the extras dancing in the background!

S and i have been really backbiting – i am getting frustrated with the quality of work the youngsters are delivering. Now that i am in charge, i don’t want anyone delivering anything less than prefect. So the reviews have become stringent. i know i am going to end up being unpopular but that is the least of my worries. i really like this project – i like the challenges it provides so it gets my goat to see people treating work so lightly. Am i transforming into a perfectionist?! Not likely in this lifetime.

Audit woe-dit

The good news first. Our company is going through the annual ISO audits. And i was scared our project would get selected. We had the opening meeting today – and the guy who is leading the audit is, umm impressive but a bit on the ‘paka’ type. He seems to have done all the certifications possible – VC++, Visual Basic, Oracle. i was impressed, albeit reluctantly. The good news is not the guy but the fact that our project did not get selected for audit. i literally jumped with joy when i came to know about it! i had been jittery about facing the audit.

The weekend was a mixture of moods – Saturday saw me morose what with the mega-fight i had with him. We were both nasty with each other – this relationship has too much passion with the end result that it spills over sometimes and leaves us scorched. i was almost ready to throw in the towel and call it quits – my patience and tolerance level is on an all-time low. i know he is going through a tough time and i am not helping any. Anyway, we did manage to cool down enough to patch up and manage to spend the weekend without stepping on each other’s toes. In fact, we had a good time yesterday. Went to the bank to open a joint account, did some shopping and had a hearty lunch of kangsoi and my special fried chicken. We even did some cleaning up together without coming to blows! And after a long time we played ludo – it is our favourite game. We use it to decide who will do the various chores! Yesterday, we played for old times’ sake. And i beat him hands down! Sometimes, this guy exasperates me. Sometimes, he drives me crazy with his TLC.

i want to take a long break and go on a journey – all by myself. Cut myself off from everyone and just take a plunge into the unknown. i have been getting more frustrated with the kids – they are beginning to bug me with their casual attitude. Oh hell, does it really matter? Does anything matters at the end of it all? i need a long break – from everything.

drama queen

Well, the drama continues. Yesterday, i had made up my mind that i would go back to my place if i didn’t hear from him. His flight was supposed to land somewhere around 4 in the evening. Yesterday was, as usual, another hectic day what with overseeing the juniors and trying to complete my own tasks. In one sense it was good as i didn’t have time to mull over why he didn’t call me up. Well, around 5:30, he did call me up. He wanted to know how soon i would be able to leave office and come. i acted cold (which comes naturally to me!) and told him i would come after i was done with everything. After running after the kids to get everything out and sending the status report, it was almost 6 by the time i was ready to call it a day. Pervert that i am, i dilly-dallied in the office so it was almost 7 by the time i reached his place. He knew i was miffed at him so he didn’t act cold. In fact, the silly guy was giving me his best smiles! But it takes more than some sweet smiles to soothe my ruffled feathers.

i am still sore at him. i know i am behaving like a kid. But hell, that is me. Take it or leave it.

love's labour not lost???

He is coming today. Am i excited? Well, we had a fight yesterday so i am trying to curb my enthusiasm about it. i didn’t even call him up to wish him happy journey. i know i am being petty, which i am.

Yesterday was a bandh over here. So i stayed over at his place which is about 10 minutes walking distance from my office. Slogged my ass off in the office the whole day. Just because he was coming today, i took the trouble of going back to my place after office, got my things and replenished his kitchen supplies. i don’t know why (OK, maybe because i was not in the mood to talk to him) but he thought i didn’t want to tidy up his place for him – it has been lying unlived for about a year now. Now, i really got irritated at him for jumping to conclusions (he must have been a rabbit in his last incarnation). So i told him he can stay there all by himself. i thought i would just take my things and go back to my place. But i thought of him coming home all tired and having to clean up. For a change, i didn’t up and go but decided to do what i had come to do. i stayed up till 1 in the night. By the time i was done, i was ready to drop down dead. i don’t know whether to stay angry with him or make up.

S sent over a bag for me and the earphones for my iPod (i manage to lose it within 2 days of using it!). He is a sweetheart – well, i always bully him but he has never been anything but nice to me. In fact, he is someone who will always insist on being nice even when i am mean to him – he says he cannot be angry with me no matter how much i provoke him. Ummm…

monday gripe

i am turning out to be a real pain-in-the-ass senior for the kids. When i am in charge, i know they feel the pinch. But hell, i know i am doing the right thing. i have never demanded of them what i cannot or would not do. i am a casual person most of the times - i play pranks, don’t throw my weight around, not that i have much to throw but that does not mean i am less serious when it comes to work. i guess they expect to see me smiling all the time. So i guess it is a shock to them when i pull them up for their silly mistakes – which gets my blood boiling, my blood obviously has a low boiling point – or tell them off for not being disciplined enough. i do fool around in the office but i have never let my work suffer. The younger generation at work – they are driving me bitchy with their unprofessional attitude – they come in late, go for long tea breaks, and apart from a few of them, their work is sloppy, to say the least. i know i am going to be unpopular but i am going to try to change things around here – just so my blood can cool down! They are not bad kids – they just need to be shown that you can have fun and still be good at what you do. It is all about striking the right balance in life.

This reminds me of my school days. i used to be one of the naughtiest, talkative girl in school, always getting into trouble but my marks belied that. So my classmates used to think i was putting on an act of being carefree in school because they could not understand how anyone like me could top the class – i guess i was just the opposite of what they expected in a topper. My tuition teacher told my father he could not understand how someone so naughty like me could be so good at studies! i was like hell, am i supposed to be a quiet mouse just because i have brains?

My sister went home yesterday for her vacation so i am all alone. i went to see her off at the airport and she repeated the whole run-to-catch-the-flight episode – i guess this runs in my family! i went to his place (he will have another fit for not saying word ‘our place’ ) and enacted the role of a housecleaner. And i was wondering whether i was doomed to spending all my weekends cleaning up either his place or mine. M told me i have too many places i call home! Damn right.

S has been morose since morning – i was surprised that he did not start a fight with me or call me silly names just to see me fuming. When asked he told me he had a fight with his wife and she hit him with their son’s water bottle!! i was nearly in tears with laughter – god and to think i am the same person who vehemently opposed domestic violence but i know she didn’t have any malicious intent so this does not constitute domestic violence or does it? Now this has got me confused! i told him he could start a battered-husbands club.

aur ekta post...

Conducted an interview. Interviews are such fun if you know where to look for the fun. Sometimes, it is fun to take a candidate who is too over-confident a peg or two down. But most of the time, you encounter people who are nervous and too eager to please. There have been times when i have felt bad for a candidate who cannot answer anything so i try to at least throw them an easy question or two just so that they do don’t feel disheartened.

Yesterday, i decided to clean the kitchen (instead of my wardrobe, the less daunting task of the two) and i spent almost 6 hours with a head smothered with henna scrubbing everything till the kitchen glittered. And i discovered that we can spend at least another year without buying anything – it is like we have been hoarding up on things as if a disaster was on the horizon. We have detergent, toothpaste, soap, mosquito repellent, all variety of cleaning agents (toilet, glass, floor etc etc. etc.), shampoo and whole lot of stuff that would last us nearly a lifetime!! Yah allah… We are like squirrels hoarding up for a long winter ahead.

gadget wadget

My gadget-crazy guy wants an iPhone. Ummm. So i am looking around to see how/where i can get an unlocked version of it for him. i told him i could not understand what is so great about it – but then i am technologically retarded. For me any phone will do as long as i can talk. i had been using the oldest surviving model of Nokia (1100 or something like that) which was handed down from him. Well, most reluctantly, i had to part with it because the front casing gave away! i don’t like the new mobile i am using right now – it is shiny and ‘kat’. i am ashamed to be seen with it because it looks so fashionable! So i keep it hidden in my bag..i miss my old phone..i have been thinking of searching for a front cover for it so i can go back to using it.

Are all guys gadget-crazy? Maybe guys do need their toys even after they grow up. Ummm..Or it could be that i am an outdated dinosaur – which i am when it comes to certain things.

He likes my iPod better than his. Because mine is black and it looks damn sexy. i have used it like maybe two times after i got it as my birthday present. It had been lying unused in some corner for more than a year before i remembered it! i have mp3 player, cd-man etc all gathering dust. Maybe i don’t cherish things as much as i should. Maybe because i am not too enamored of them.

Tomorrow is a holiday. Makes me feel good knowing i can sleep in late. If i can manage to gather enough energy, i think i will go a cleaning spree tomorrow. i am thinking of revamping my wardrobe – will give away my clothes to charity. i have clothes i have bought and never worn even once! i stick to my set of favourite clothes and keep on wearing them till i can’t wear them without looking indecent! Just like i buy shoes but keep wearing just the single pair i love day in and day out!

gym-ing

Lost 91 calories on the treadmill. Gym-ing in the middle of work. S came up with the idea of going to the office gym for the evening tea session. i refused – well, for one, i am lazy and i don’t think i need to lose any weight (maybe i should opt for muscle-building exercises just so i could bash up people!). S has a paunch that makes him look like he is 6 months pregnant or so i keep telling him to irk him. S had his way or rather i let him have his way and i agreed to give him company on his make-yourself-fit journey. 30 minutes and some 90 calories later, we were both sweating – well, he sweated, i elegantly perspired! We decided we would make it a routine to go gym-ing every evening provided we don’t have any other pressing matters on hand.

My weight keeps fluctuating – while i still manage to remain underweight. i have never been one for exercises – unless it is hiking or running for a cause (or no cause). i am all too aware of the need for physical activity – exercise is not just about losing weight - but i just don’t have the desire to get up early and go for a game of basketball or a lap in the pool.

S is expecting her baby in about two weeks. She called me up yesterday night to wish me subho bijaya. She will make a good mother and i am sure her baby would be chubby and cute like her. i hope nothing goes wrong this time and she will have her bundle of joy in her arms pretty soon. She is a very nice human being – she is one of the few people i have kept in touch over the years.

back to work

i am back to work after what feels like an eon. And i have been yawning away to glory. Three weeks of afternoon siesta have taken its toll on my body – i just can’t seem to keep awake now!

And i have another one of my last-passenger-on-the-plane episodes! i was escorted to the airport by my family – i duly checked in and found i had exceeded the weight limit by 17 kgs (so much for my resolve to travel light); the guy at the counter told me he would waive 7 kgs but i would have to have extra baggage charge for 10 kgs so i said no problemo direct me to the counter and somehow he had a change of heart and waived off 17 kgs!. And then i went back for the last minute chit-chat with my family and we kept waiting for the flight announcement. You would have thought they would at least announce something like go in for security check or something.

To cut a long story short, i had to rush through security, tell the lady at the counter my plane was about to take off so could she please speed up her act and hand me my damn bag. The guy at the boarding gate asked me “Why are you so late?” and i gave him a hurried sorry and ran up the staircase. And for the nth time in my life, i was the last passenger to board the flight. This is becoming a bugging habit. My sisters told me i would not learn a lesson till i miss a flight.

i, by some miracle, managed to misread the timing of my flight once and reached the airport 10 minutes before the flight took off. Going by the rules, i should not have been allowed on that flight but the guy at the check-in counter asked them to wait for me and i was rushed through everything and caught the flight! So i guess the aviation goddess is on my side.

My office mailbox is flooded and i have decided to take the easy way out and read only mails addressed to me and sweep the rest under the carpet till i can settle down again to a peaceful existence.

Truth be told, this constant oscillation from one corner to another corner is becoming a bit too grating on the nerves. i mean, before i can unpack properly i have to pack my bags again. Well, even a gypsy deserves to settle down a bit before moving on to another pasture.

babe in the woods....

unknown admirers

Out of the blue, i remembered this guy who i have never talked to and don’t even remember seeing his face. i would have never known of his existence except for one thing. This happened about 2-3 years back. i was onsite for my stint and i used to frequent one of my seniors’ cubicle and indulge in sessions of adda. After i came back here, one fine day, one of my colleagues told me i left an admirer back in the land of milk and honey. Ummmm, as flattered as i was, i could not for the life of me figure out who it was. i knew it could not be someone i know for the simple reason that they would not go around announcing they admire me without telling me first (or would they?). It turned out there was a Hungarian guy who sat across my senior and he noticed i had stopped coming to visit. So he asked my senior where i was and that he likes me. He said if he had not been married he would have asked me to marry him! For many days, everyone teased me with “Dominos Pizza - Hungry kya?” (Hungry – Hungary, got the joke??).

Well, the tragedy is that i have never noticed the guy – i suffer from an acute case of selective blindness. i could pass an elephant without noticing it if i am not in the mood (in a mood for elephants??)! Anyway, the next time i went back, the guy had left. i wish i could meet him and at least tell him thanks for liking me without even knowing me!

Back when i was in school (i was going to write a girl in pigtails and i realized i never had pigtails cause my hair was always short), before my class X exams, i used to go for Science tuitions. The place was like 15 minutes working distance from my house and so i used to go by myself. And everyday, i would notice two guys walking in front of me. From my scant knowledge of boys then (notice i used the word ‘then’!), i ruled out that they were guys interested in me – well, they follow you not walk in front of you or so went my logic. At that time, there was another guy who used to follow me back from tuitions and i was desperate to dodge him and his gang of loud friends so i was not too occupied about the two guys in front. Well, one evening, the two guys were in front and as i was about to go in to my leirak, they stopped and one of them handed me a letter. i guess i panicked and i threw the letter back at him and ran as if chased by Shakti Kapoor! Looking back, i should have at least taken the letter and read it. i don’t even remember his face. God knows he must have spent minutes, if not hours, composing that letter. But i was a simple innocent girl then (notice the ‘then’ again!) and i was not too interested in guys then (“then”!).

Well, i have grown up and now i can handle admiration admirably – at least without running away!

to hell....

i am so frustrated with life right now - i know all dark clouds will pass and all that fucking nonsense. Right now i feel like swearing my guts out - just like that - abuse this world with the choicest of galis. Get the angst off my chest.

And why am i frustrated? i have no idea...maybe i just need a peg or two of hope or hemlock - whichever.

i need to get back to work. i need to get my neurons activated. And i need to swear...

----i think it helped. Maybe i need to swear more often. i think i am sick of being good. This is not my kind of thing - i want desperately to be bad, bitchy.......there is nothing i want more right now than to be evil.

still zinda..

i managed to catch the flight and so here i am, blogging from Imphal. i literally ran from the office that day - i did manage to turnover the code - much to the amusement of the security guard. i guess he thought maybe i was running off with classified information. ummm..

Life has been dragging me along wth it. i don't know what to make of it. It has been tough going and i guess it wll only get tougher with time...i only hope i have the strength and patience to cope with it, esp. patience which, evidently, i possess little, if at all.

The slver lining is that i am learning to cook new dishes - esp. manipuri dishes and vegeterian fare. i made maroi thongba that day and everyone was gaga over it - whch made me smug as hell! i am also learning to make rotis - i can get the shape right much to my surprise. i was expecting to reproduce all the maps of the countries. But i still cannot make the rotis soft - they feel like i am eating cardboard - yuck. Though everyone has been trying to encourage me saying i am doing good for a novice. But hell, i want to get it right on the first go. His presence is a help - and irritatng at times. i guess it is his desire to make sure i don't go wrong. But sometimes, i feel it bothers on the nagging. So i keep tellng him to let me do things my way. He told me a sweet thing though - he said he wants to die before me because he does not want to live without me. Since i am an unromantic rat (rat??!! what??) i asked him "am i going to die? ". Any romantic soul would have gone like "Nahin, i want to die before you. How can i live without you? blah blah"....But me, oh i am so bloody unromantic at times that he goes "nang sidi"! But there are times when i am romantic and when the mood overtakes me, hell, no one could beat me at that.

i miss work though..i miss running after everyone to do their job - i guess the poor things will have a hard time when go back. i need to complete my appraisal - i am plannng on giving myself 5/5 on every count - on communcation skills, assetveness, i definitely deserve a 5. Interpersonal skills- umm 4.5 - i don't have the patience to deal with dumb people or to be polticaly nice and correct. Overall rating is 4.87/5! Narcisstic bitch!! Lets see what the higher ups rate me - though care two hoots about it. i am good and i know it. So there...

Chema is going to prepare chagem pomba for me...my mouth is watering. And i am thinking of making pakora thongba...Maybe i will manage to put on weight this time...

rush hour

It is 7:30 in the morning and i have a flight to catch at 10:45. And i am in the office!! Can you beat that? i need to turn over something before i take a hiatus. And the system let me down yesterday. So here i am, not so bright and chirpy --and for a change, all alone in this big room -- rushing against time.

i am feeling sleepy --and the system is being a bitch. If i miss my flight, i will sue it! i have another 1 1/2 hr left.

But i am consoling myself right now with vision of chagem pomba, nagki jou, hanggam...yummy yummy. Now only if the system is nice to me....

Next time, i blog, it would be from home--imphal. If i can catch the flight, that is.

amused...

A funny thing happened. Somebody had screwed up my existing code and i saw red and mailed the client – L, he is a nice guy who tells me i am a mean girl because i called him mean once! He was in a training and did not reply. i told S that i was sad that L did not take my side. Since i was going to leave without seeing him, S asked me if he wanted him to tell L that i was hurt. I told him that he would not be able to say that to L. So we had a bet. i got a mail from L telling me that he heard from S that i was mad at him. He said he didn’t mean to ignore me but he was in a training! And he said he was mad at me for not going away without telling him and that we are even now. This guy is notorious for his one-liner answers so i was touched to see him write two paragraphs to me!!! Maybe S is right – he likes me! But then, S thinks everybody likes me – which must be furthest from the truth. i have the knack of wounding people’s ego.

i will be taking a sabbatical from work for about a month – have got my ticket. After college, this must be the first time i will be in Imphal for so long. It is going to be a testing and tiring time for me. i hope his presence will help—i hope. i am thinking of driving over there – maybe i will end up in sajiwa jail for reckless driving!

back to base

Landed here on a balmy monday night. My apartment looks bigger -after all the days in the hotel room. Slept in my own sweet bed after so many days. i skipped office yesterday to get my body back into working mode. We went and visited Bachou and Emaibem - gave them the things i got for them. Watched a bit of the 20-20 match going on - i wasn't even aware what 20-20 is, i am so out of touch with sports.

i watched so many hindi movies on the flight – snatches of Chini Kaam, Just Married, Baabul and Dhoom 2 (god, Ash is so irritating in the film – everytime she went “like”, i cringed.). i watched a bit of 300 but it was gory – not my kind of movie.

All of my suitcases were way beyond the weight limit of 32 kg– one was 40 kg and another 36 kg. So in the airport, S and the gang went about dumping some of my stuff in the juniors’ suitcases while i went around fluttering from one m/c to another weighing myself - i think i have lost about 2 kg. In the end, they managed to make my suitcases weigh a decent 33 kg each! My cabin luggage was also overweight but the guy at the check-in counter was nice to me and didn’t weigh it – thank god! Oh, and i lost my copy of “One hundred years of solitude” in the airport – i had in the pocket of my jacket and it simply vanished! S and i went back to the car to search for it but could not find it..sob sob… We were there gossiping for about an hour with the gang who came to see us off. By the time we were done with the hugging and adieus, we were the last passengers to go in for security check. We were the last to board the plane!

i nearly got harassed by the Customs – but my Bengali got me out of it! i had all the electronic stuff in my cabin luggage – 3 cameras, 5 mp3 players, three phones, one ipod, a digital photo frame and when they scanned it, i think they got suspicious seeing all the wires! This guy stopped me at the gate and asked me what i had inside – i replied in Bengali and he was like oh, you can speak Bengali. i told him that i have cameras and mp3 players and i acted pretty cool about it – S told me afterwards that having more than one stuff of the same brand makes them go wild with suspicion! The guy let me go without opening my bag – becche gelam!

In transit - from singapore

About 4 hours left for the final leg of the journey. The juniors went for one of those guided tours of singapore. i have had enough of them so i stayed back -the next time i see Singapore, i want it to be at my leisure instead of sitting in a bus listening to someone droning on.

My internal clock is now totally screwed up - i didn't sleep that well on the first leg - and now, i find myself drifting in and out of sleep, as if my body can't decide what it wants.

i am yawning away to glory and waiting for the bacche to come back. Then i will go shopping - buy some chocolates and mementoes - and find myself a corner to park myself with my book till i can dump this tired ol' body in the plane that will take me home.

i saw on the news that there has been a crash in Thailand. There was a phase of heavy turbulence when we flew from sfo. i am normally cool about this kind of stuff - hey, i have jumped off a plane, to brag again - but today, i was wondering how it would feel like to crash. And trust me, it is not a pleasant thought - i am not too scared of death but i would rather die in my sleep than have pieces of my mangled body scraped off from the wreckage. Like everyone tells me - shub shub bolo bey. But like i tell them - if whatever i say/want comes true, the world will have less people burdening it!

OK, they are back. i think it is about time i dragged myself and freshen up - i probably look like a dead sparrow but sparrows are so cute! Such inane thoughts.

From Hong Kong

2 and 1/2 hrs stop over in Hong Kong and we discovered that they have free wi-fi! Wowie to technology! So my first blog from Hong Kong...i am feeling half sleepy, my body is confused again - is it night or day? And my arms ache from dragging my too heavy strolley and the laptop. Next time, i swear i will travel light.

We were the last passengers to board at SFO. We literally ran to catch the flight! It was fun. More about that later.

It will be time to board again. Oh well, if the plane does not crash or get hijacked, i will blog from Singapore.

adieu CA

My last night here - my last night alone. And i am feeling morose. For the past two months, this room has been my sanctuary. And even though it is but a hotel room, hell, i can't help but feel blue. i think it is because i have really loved staying alone by myself. This is not the first time i have stayed in this hotel but somehow, this time it seems different. Is it the knowledge that maybe i will never have the chance to be alone again - that i will always be surronded by people? This visit has been different, tinged with a bit of guilt for leaving him alone and the thought that this could have been so different. This visit has shown me that , yes, i still love being a loner - that i love my own company -maybe too much for my own good!

S has started the packing for me. i don't know what i would do without him. Still not done with the shopping. Have the whole day tomorrow for picking up the knick knacks. Gave away all my candles to S - he is probably the only one who loves them more than i do. Have tons of stuffs to leave behind - i can start another life over here even if i come empty handed next time! S's apartment has become my dumping ground.

i will miss this place - i will miss the morning tea-time adda, lunch with S and M-da, the bitching sessions. But i know after a few days i will get used to life back home. My sister is right - my life is scattered over too many places...

To soothe my blues a bit, the clouds parted a little. i was supposed to go meet the client-manager to say bye. But she had already left for the day by the time i got around to it. So i called her up and she told me that the higher management has been really impressed with my notes and work and if i am ever interested to come here permanently, they would love to have me here! oh gee, i am so flattered! And it makes it even better because i know she is not an easy person to impress - not that i have tried. Maybe that is the secret to impressing people - never try to impress them. i guess i treat her like i treat everyone else - with a little bit of sarcasm.

Will sleep in this bed for the last time in my life-- i hope to have sweet dreams and hope that this won't be the last bed i sleep in.

yudho joy...

i am the kind of employee that employers love - i forget to submit claims for taxi fare, medical claims etc. As long as my salary gets deposited at the end of the month, i am OK - well, sometimes i don't even bother checking when they take a big bite out of it as tax!

So very uncharacteristic of me, when M-da told me i should claim for the taxi fare to the airport, i decided to do just so. Well, never before in my previous visits have i claimed taxi fare - for one, S always drive me to the airport and i am way too lazy to run after the HR people. But, sometimes, i get all enthusiatic about something and so, just to spice up things, i mailed the HR manager asking her to include the taxi fare in my pay check. Pat came the reply that it was not company policy! That got my goat - it is only about 30$ and i could easily forfeit it without feeling a thing - but her reply really made my blood boil---well, blood tah e haigatle. S dug up the HR policy manual wherein it was clearly stated that we were eligible to be reimbursed for transportation expenses. So i wrote a sarcastic mail, attached the document and asked her when the policy was changed. She gave up and i will get the fare- it was so fun making her eat her words!

The past few days, i have been at my argumentative and bitchy best - i have been shooting holes in other people's code, writing sarcastic mails to people who just can't seem to have enough sense to understand when things are explained to them. And i am absolutely loving this - i have been getting pretty sick of dealing with dumb people and it is so satisfying when you can take a dig at them. Maybe i am mean but hell, being mean is so fun. And ain't gonna give it up!!

cafe dhaka...

S took us out for dinner today - his treat for getting a bonus and an EC in his appraisal (EC- Exceptional Contribution but i tell him it is Exceptional chorano!). Cafe Dhaka. i decided the list of invitees - weeded out people to include only the ones i like (wickedness in my every pore). The food was OK - but somehow i never get to eat good briyani here; what is served as briyani seems more like undercooked rice with just some pieces of meat. i cook much much better briyani than any i have tasted here. The dal poori was good. More than the food, it was the adda that made the dinner special.

S is one of my closest friends. He has always been there for me through thick and thin - and i know i can count on him always. God knows why but he thinks i am special and a rare specimen. Here is to a special friend - thank you.

i am stuffed and can hardly keep the words in my head from falling asleep...i..zzzz.am..zzzz

....forgiveness

Why is it so tough to forgive? Does loving someone means that i am bound by love's ethics (if love ever has ethics) to forgive that person? Is forgiveness interwoven with love?

Is love supposed to transcend all other emotions? Is somebody's atonement reason enough to forgive or do we need time to heal before we can forgive?

dinner..dinner....

My last weekend over here, and i have been invited to dinner two nights in a row. Well, to be honest, i did ask M-da to give us a treat for his wedding anniversary while i was here - and he indulged me. Shameless me! i would be going there in a while.

Yesterday night's dinner was at S's. And of course, i planned the menu and cooked everything except for one dish. i relegated him to cutting the vegetables and cleaning up after i cooked! We started cooking at around 2 in the afernoon and in 5 hours, we were done - kelichana as entree, elish with kochu (the only dish i let S cook), mutton with posto and cashew, dal, pumpkin and mango mishti doi. i came back, showered, call up home and went back again as the guest! The food was good and it was good to see everyone stuffing themselves. We were till 2 in the night blah blahing.

Woke up around 11 today and went to walmart. My room is piling up. i need to start paking or at least stuffing the things in the suitcases (S, as alwyas, will do the final packing for me. i am so blessed - either my sister or he will pack for me when i am home- i have never really packed for myself ever. And over here, i have S.).

Oh, the casio exilim camera for baba arrived at long last. And i am floored by it. It is even better than my existing one - which i adore - and S and i ordered two more for ourselves. The pictures are amazing. i know baba is going to love it. i got a 2GB memory card for it. Memory cards are so cheap now. i remember i bought one the last time - 512 MB for around 50$. ouch...

And a funny thing happened. One of the juniors who joined recently called me up yesterday - and he called me by my name. We have this work culture of da-ing and di-ing everyone. So i was amused to hear this kid address me by my name. My sister and S said it is not his fault. i am to blame for looking so much younger than my age. This is one thing that bugs me. i know it must be every woman's dream to appear younger. But i have had people tell me i look like i was in class eight when i was in my final year in college. Would it help if i let my hair grey?

countdown...

the countdown begins for the trip back...just a week left. Called up the airlines to confirm the ticket. i would have to start packing. As always, i would have to leave behind some things - all my candles..sigh - my stuff over here is piling up. Would have to leave another of my now notorious jumbo suitcases with S. Maybe i am growing old, but i am getting tired of this constant relocating - maybe i am no more a gypsy, how disapppointing - my soul wants to settle down in a place i could call home. But i am still undecided about where home is. i am one hell of a confused bitch. One part of me wants to wander to the ends of the planet - cross the sahara, conquer mountains, brave storms - and the other part, well, it is still confused about what it wants.

Still so much things left to buy - hell, i wish i could outsource my shopping to somebody.

M is going to come with her brother to receive me since the flight is going to land at some unearthly hour in the night and i don't think travelling alone in a taxi with all the stuff at night is a good idea. My sister offered to come but i would have been more worried about her coming alone.

Am i excited? i don't know. Of course, i am looking forward to meeting everyone again, to taking up newer responsibilties at work...And i would be with him again. But somehow, i am going to miss this solitude, the pleasure of only being with my thoughts. i think i am growing too fond of myself, too much in love with myself. Narcissist. i think i want to spend a year alone - all alone. Maybe i should be marooned on an uninhabited island - with a good supply of food and books. And a wireless connection. And yes the elusive sexy mac notebook. That is all i ask for...!!

my sweet sis...

Today is my li'l sister's birthday. And i am feeling morose because i am not there with her.

We are so different from each other - even though she is years younger to me, she is more mature than me; she is good at managing money, she wears heels (i refuse to wear anything with heels), she loves jewellery (i am emotionally allergic to any kind of ornament) - but we love each other. Of course, i always bully her because i am stronger than her - i am a born tyrant but hell, i love her like crazy. And i am so glad she is my sister and so proud of her.

She is a beautiful person - both inside and outside. She is as good as i am wicked - sometimes it is hard to believe we are sisters.

We have been through so many things together. We have been staying with each other for the last 5 years. i miss her terribly right now. i miss the weekends together when we laze in front of the TV, bitching about this and that. i miss the silly computer games when we have crazy bets like who will clean up after dinner, who will make the tea.... oh hell, i miss her...i miss my family. i wonder whether this is worth it all, staying away from your family. In the end, who cares how much my bank balance is or how far up the corporate ladder i am? But then, this has been my choice, my call. And so i have to grin and bear it till i can free myself of these materalistic shackles. Amen.

phire elum - i am back....

Life has been hectic, to say the least. The weekend was fun though. We went for a picnic on Saturday to the beach – a barbeque party. i grilled pork chops and baby pork ribs and everyone love them. And we had grilled pineapples – they taste sinfully delightful, try them someday. The weather was great and we had a great time wading in the water, playing baseball and just lazing around. By the time i got back, i found i had sunburns – i will never learn to love sunscreen lotion – and i had a headache. The price we pay for the joys of life!

On Sunday, we went to the flea market – i buy my larger-than-me jumbo suitcases from there. It was so bloody hot but we braved the heat. i like the variety of things you get at the flea market - almost everything starting from toys to lingerie to fresh veggies.

On Monday, we went mall hiking. There is a mall i religiously visit before going home to complete my shopping agenda. Sale, sale, sale everywhere – gap, guess, van huesen, banana republic wagera wagera. We had a whale of a time picking out good bargains – for a short amount of time i actually overcame my allergy to shopping! Seven hours and several hundred dollars poorer, we ended the spree. The car was packed with all the goodies – gifts for everyone (my, i am such a nice person!!). I think I have done my share of shopping for the entire year. i know i am going to exceed the weight limit yet again for the nth time. Maybe i should take an extra luggage, that way i would be able to take home all my books with me. My collection over here has more than hundred books now.

On the net, i have been buying things left, right and bottom! i bought an apple ipod for him. i am thinking of buying the canon s3 is digital camera for him. It is a tad bit expensive but what the heck, i can afford it , if only for him. Such love, honey!

Work has been really frenetic. i have been working late into the night – no time for books and candles and yes, blogging. Life is fun – if you know where to look for it!

shopping spree.....

i am on a roll - shopping on the net! Beats going to the mall and trudging from one store to another. i bought 5 (yes, you heard me right) mp3 players - dainty, sleek - one casio exilim for baba (7.2 mp, 3x zoom - my current camera is a red casio exilim, his gift to me, 2mp but it is one hell of a great camera) and a nokia 7620 (or is it 7260?) phone (for my sister) off the net.

The weekend is going to be hectic - picnic on saturday, shopping on sunday and monday. We have a long weekend - thank god.

Work is killing. i have an emergency code turnover next friday. Wowie.

Do you know many pair of chromosomes a human cell has? i asked my colleagues and i got these answers - 22, 36, 64 and 2!!!! And if you are curious, of course, i got it right! Genetics was/is my favourite chapter in biology.

OK, i am going back to my coding. And hell, i am feeling so sleepy!!

did you know...

well, at least i didn't know till today - the maximum number of columns in Excel is 256. One of the juniors complained today that he ran out of columns in Excel! We thought he was joking - but we found out it was true. So many new things that we learn everyday.

i have been blogging every single day for a week now. Have nothing better to do, honey? You bet!

i am watching Frasier and coding in between. i have so much on my plate right now. And i am not even hungry!!

sore ass..

Cycled for about 8 Km after office. And more than my leg muscles, my ass is paining. i think i need one of those cycling shorts with gel-filled bottoms for my sensitive derriere!

The other night, at the dinner party, A told me i am disappearing. What?! ummm, maybe i should cut down on the physical activities. But maybe it would be fun to be invisible - i can think of so many sinfully wicked things to do!!

Work was a bit hectic today. S told me he overheard my manager telling people to assign urgent issues to me as i am quick to solve the problems. i honestly didn't know whether to feel flattered or feel like an idiot for increasing my own work load - my colleagues tell me i should be wise and take my own time to do the work assigned to me; but i just can't bring myself to rest without getting it off my back!! Maybe i should slow down....

We are planning for a picnic this saturday. It would be fun i guess - and god knows i deserve the best that life can offer!! For a person who does not believe in the concept of god, i do take his name too often! God is a nice word for me. Amen.

...touching lyrics...

After a long time i heard this song today -

hazarein rahein
moorke dekhi
kahin se koyi sada
na aaye

badi waafa se nibhaye tune
hamari thodi si bewafai

kahin kisi roz yun bhi hota
hamare halat tumhare hote
jo raat humne guzare mar ke
woh raat tumne gujare hote

tumhe yeh zid thi hum bulate
hume yeh umeed wo pukare
hai naam hotton pe aab bhi lekin
awaaz me par gaye darare

Pride and love never did mix!

the day that was....

Today has been an eventful day for me. OK, first the run.

i woke up at 7 in the morning - an event in itself! i peeped outside just to see how the world looks like that early!It was almost 8 by the time we reached the place. And we were amazed at the turn out. There was quite a crowd. We got our bibs and t-shirts, emptied our bladders and waited for the horn to sound. 1 hr 30 mins was our target. And i surprised myself by going on and on... Maybe my muscles were still groggy to protest, it being early morning and all that. In the practice run, i could never run for more than 5 minutes at a stretch. i think i walked for maybe just a km and ran the rest of the 9km! i think maybe i finished among the first 30 or so women. Will have to wait for them to put up the result. OK, the next target is the half marathon!

Was invited to dinner by the juniors. The food was OK. On the way back, S let me drive his car. It was quite late in the night and the roads were empty! Thank god for that. i got the speed upto around 50kph. It was fun. i am definitely going to drive after i go back. Maybe i should buy myself a car.

A good day. ummmmmm.....

salute the queen!!!

i did it! If my muscles were still willing, i would be doing cartwheels right now! i completed 10K in 1 hr, 21 minutes and 09 seconds!!!! i am so f******* proud of myself. Have to wait for the official result to see how well i fared but i know i was not the last!!!

Will write about it in detail later - for now, i want to soak in the tub and celebrate my victory! And today proved that will-power is all that matters. And baby, i have it - in abundance!! Hasta la vista.

in anticipation of tomorrow....

Running shoes - scrubbed clean, smelling nice
Clothes - neatly ironed
Camera - charged
Alarm - set for the unearthly hour of 7 in the morning..sigh
Energy drink - packed and ready to drink
Muscles - ready to stretch and zoom
Mind - filled with trepidation
All other organs - stapled in place

Tomorrow is the day - if only i can get up before the event starts! i am so excited - and hell, i am going to die trying to make it in less than 90 minutes! So here i come...zip..zap...zoom......

domestic violence...

This is a topic i have been meaning to write about for a long time but somehow, never got around to it. Do you know that Manipur is among the top ten States in India with the highest incidence of domestic violence against women?

Domestic violence occurs "when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another". It could be physical violence (you know, a well aimed kick or a smack across the cheek or marital rape); it could be psychological like putting down someone, humiliating them in front of others, eroding their self respect till they come to believe they are no good.

In our society, we women have been taught from our childhood that our freedom is limited. As a child, i had "well-meaning" neighbours telling me girls should not whistle, should not do something so very unfeminine like climbing trees (and i am glad i learned how to whistle, how to climb trees - i still whistle and climb trees). So many dos and don'ts. "Good girls" don't laugh out loud. Good girls don't do this. Good girls don't do that..Shackled mind, shackled life. If you look around, you see them - wives, mothers, sisters, daughters - cowering in fear. Batterred.

Haven't we, at one point or the other, been a witness to this - a husband "punishing" his wife for disrespcting him, his family? Haven't we heard a man putting down his wife, belittling her? What is this all about? i think it is about control - the desire to control another human being. Maybe the men who indulge in this have low self esteem -they need to prove their "manhood" by lording over hapless women.

And why do women take it? Why don't they fight back? If you ask around, the most common answer is that they do it for their children, because they don't want them to be victims of a broken family. So they put up with whatever is meted out to them, all in the name of the "family peace". Some of them are financially dependent on their husbands and they don't have anyone to turn to. i guess it would be daunting to think of starting a new life when you don't have anything to fall back on. But then, even women who are financially independent put up with this. i know it is easy for me to say this, but god, i wish they would fight back for their dignity.

Surprisingly, accordingly to a study, about three out of five Indian women agrees thinks wife beating is justified! Talk about women being women's worst enemy.

And if you thought this was only prevalent in "third-world countries", you have another think coming. i saw this porgramme on one of the channels here about a women who was abused by her husband - an attractive women with a successful career...not the kind of victim you would envision. The husband even got their teenaged son to videotape him hitting her, calling her a slut. It was so painful to see her cowering, begging him.

i don't care if i have to live the rest of my life without a man, but if my guy were to raise his hand against me, god, i will be out of his life before he can say 'sorry'. i will be damned if i ever let myself be a victim of any man's ego building.

i think it is time we said 'enough', time to stop being silent witnesses. It is time we walk unfettered. God knows, we deserve it. There is no excuse for abuse.

And guys, hey, it is not manly to hit women, ever!

"Real men don't use violence"

i found the rhythm, baby..

At long last, the rhythm is with me. Hail the lord, i can run now! We went for the 10K practice after office - i know, we are such brave souls, 8 hours of office and we still had enough energy left to run!! And today, my organs stayed in their respective places and i ran for about 6K. Our ploy (?) is to run for 5 minutes, walk for 5 minutes - basically alternate between walking and running. We completed 10K in 1 hr 35 minutes today. Needless to say, i am brimming over with pride. Just two days away. And we will find out just how much will power we have. We have changed our goal from completing it to not being the last one to complete! Talk of ambition!

We will go for dosa after the run! It would be like the carrot at the end of the stick. i will run with thoughts of masala dosa, vegetable pakoras and lassi - i think that should be enough motivation to make me complete the run.

i had to get up at 8 for a meeting - who the hell schedules a meeting for 8 in the morning?! i managed to get up on time, logged in from bed and attended the meeting. Bleary eyes, tousled hair and my early-morning-still-asleep, wanne-be husky voice! The meeting lasted for 19 minutes! So i went back to sleep and got up at 9! And struted to office! i am a peacock (actually, a peahen! But are peahen vain?) with a laptop!! :)

i have been having ilish for 4 days straight! i love ilish - i can have ilish for breakfast, lunch, dinner and maybe midnight snack! Ilish - if i were a fish, i would love to be an ilish mach - silvery, tasty and with lots of bones to irk people!

i need to make my shopping list - shopping is so boring. i hate shopping. i would rather run 20k than go shopping.

good tidings on a monday..

As impossible as it sounds - i mean, how can mondays ever go well for me - i got this mail from my pm telling me my salary has been hiked! Of course, i was expecting it one of these days but hell, not on a monday. Ummm, until i get the hard copy i cannot make out anything - i don't even know exactly how much i earn now! But it does seem like a substantial increase. Good. A few more years and i should be done with this 9-6 existence.

Am i happy about it? i don't know - maybe my bank balance will grow fatter faster but what is there to it? i have a strange relation with money. i am never too worried about it, i hardly keep track of where it goes. i don't have a head for managing money, it seems. The only time i care about it is at the end of the financial year, when i need to submit my investments for tax rebate. That, apparently, is the only time i even bother about my financial well-being. i should become more money wise and start making some smart investments. But ultimately, does it matter at the end of it all? After all, it is only money.

the 10k saga...

i decided that i would break my sunday solitude and go for the 10k practice. We started off quite ok, but after 10 minutes, my stomach started paining. i thought maybe my heart had been displaced from its place and was maybe resting on my intestines or something! So we decided we would walk. And we did. It took us about 1 hr 45 minutes. At least, now we know we can complete the whole course even if we are the last to complete it. What relief!!

i decided i would like to practise driving and so i spent about 30 minutes driving round and round the parking lot. Was awfully delighted to get the speed over 20!! i think i would be a rash driver - the kind who would plow over people. Which explains why i want to drive trucks - the bigger the better! From where did i get all these sadistic traits? Must be some gene from a long forgotten black sheep of an ancestor that decided to pop up its head in me!

"Grow old along with me
the best is yet to be"
---Robert Browning

So true, so true. i still have so much more love in me left, i think..

i did a survey among my colleagues (which is one of my fave pastimes in office) how long they would like to live - my colleagues have gotten used to my crazy ways. And the answer was around 60-70. i think we are a generation wary of all the things old age is gonna bring with it - arthritis, heart problems, memory loss etc etc..i think i want to live upto 60. Till i still have my teeth and hair intact. And my libido too!! :)

orange and pineapple muffin

Muffin for a puffin (what does that mean???!). i baked muffins today. Orange and pineapple muffins. They turned out real good, as good as those ready-to-bake stuff they sell. i am confused now - should i become a chef/ranna massi or a candlemaker? Or just remain a bitchy SSE!

The muffin recipe (courtesy joyofbaking.com):

2 cup all purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 large egg
1 cup melted unsalted butter
1 teaspoon orange zest
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup sour cream
1/2 lb crushed pineapple (drained)

Mix the flour and baking soda. Blend the butter, sugar till fluffy. Add the egg and blend again. Add the sour cream and orange zest. Add the flour and make sure it is well incorporated. Fold in the pineapple. Grease the muffin pan. i used butter.

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Fill the muffin cups. Do not fill it to the brim as the muffins would puff up.




Bake for about 20 minutes. You know it is done when a toothpick inserted into the muffin comes out clean. While the muffins are still warm, glaze it with orange glaze (mix 1/3 cup orange juice with 1/2 cup sugar). And presto, you have muffins for the puffins!!

bitchy friday...

The last two days have been bitchy to me. So i bitched right back. Thursday started off with someone from another group complaining i had not turned over the code that was due for friday! What the f***. i got real pissed off so i wrote a scathing mail saying they had no right to complain as long as i got everything done by friday. Hell, i have never missed a deadline ever. And everyone in my group supported me.

It was just not a good day for the group. We had so many "bad" incidents - it seemed like all the other groups were out to get us. A jinxed day. We were supposed to go for the 10K practice but we decided to forego it - you never know, with that kind of bad luck dogging us, i might have gotten run over by a bicycle and died! i came back home, watched Jeopardy, was delighted to get so many answers right. i was making candles and i got everything wrong. The mold sealer did not work and i had wax leading out from the molds. i just got so disgusted that i left everything halfway.

Wait, the day even got better. Somebody called me up to tell me one of the juniors was sick and could i go check on her? How could i have refused even though i was not too fond of her? So i rummaged through the medicines he had packed for me and went to play doctor. Stayed there till 11 in the night and i had not even eaten!

Today was no better. i released my code and was thinking i could search for some nice recipes. But wham, my lead told me i had to do an emergency fix and release it today! So i coded, tested and managed to wrap everything in about an hour. Boy, do i love myself!

i rewarded myself with a bitching session with the clients - we bitched about this new guy who has this attitude problem. He has a knack of doing just the wrong thing and putting his foot in his mouth. i am a real good one when it comes to bitching - i encourage people, keep the bitching going on--more like a bitching moderator.

We went to buy some stuffs from the asian store. And we met T-da just coming out. So we stood there and yakked on for about 2 hours-we bitched about that guy again, about other guys and went on and on. i am turning out to be an old hen. And inducing everyone else around me to be so...As i told S, hell, i am beginning to turn into a girl!!

waxy life...

Have been slogging my butt off to make the deadline. No books, no blogging. But i am off the hook now. Till the next deadline, that is. But hey, ain't complaining. i get paid for this. As long as the dough flows, baby, i am game for hard work.

i have turned to my candles again - got myself some dyes and mold sealer from ebay. i actually got an order for my candles - my first! Wowie, am i faltered. One of my colleagues asked me to make about a hundred candles to sell during the durga puja celebration over here. But since i have just about a month left here, i had to turn down the order. It is a nice thought to know i have an alternative career should i ever get sick of coding and trouble shooting. My friends have been goading me to sell my candles on ebay. But i have to work out the profitability factor before i join the bandwagon of ebay-ers.

Here are some of my new creations-



Ever the over-confident bitch, i have not gone for the 10K practice. Would do me good if i were to quit halfway - that would just do enough to bring my confidence level a notch down.

Just a month left. i sure will miss this bed, this room. i am beginning to love solitude - not that i ever hated it before. i could live like this for ever - books, a fast wireless connection, candles and TV. What more do i need? Can't think of anything.

Sex and the city is my fave thing on TV now - well, after NCIS, Law and Order and CSI. Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw is so real. After the Salonis , Banis and Mamtas of Indian television, it is a refreshing change. i made a discovery while channel surfing - movies with "strong adult content"!! Since i am an adult, i decided i could watch without getting morally corrupted (actually, there is no more scope for corruption - i am already saturated!). But boy, after half an hour i got actually bored of it!! god, am i on my way to sainthood? Well, at least half an hour away!!

dolma vs dorma

So S and i had a bet. It all started yesterday when we were searching for the city of Colma yesterday during the exciting laptop hunt. The name colma suddenly reminded me of potoler dolma (It is stuffed potol or parwal) and i told him about the dish. He was like there is no dish by that name - it is potoler dorma. Now, i am someone who is never going to take somebody's word for anything esp. when i am dear sure i am right. So i started arguing about it. And we ended up having a bet on whether it is actually potoler dorma or dolma. i called up my junior who is my walking dictionary for bengali - and he said dolma. Victory dance for me. This morning, i saw this mail from S where the guy had actually googled and found potoler dorma. Eeeks..Give up without a fight? No way...So i googled and found potoler dolma! i went around taking a survey among my colleagues and found we couldn't reach a consensus - half of them said the dish is called dolma and half said dorma. Ultimately, the bet was a draw (no free dhosa at upudi...damn). It seems dolma is the colloquial version of dorma. Ummmm...i have a knack of winning bets - maybe because i only bet when i am dead sure!

Got the laptop - Sony Vaio. It is slick (but not sexy like MAC-oh MAC, oh MAC) and seemingly better than the toshiba i got for my sister. i know baba is only going to use it for watching movies, viewing pictures and playing games. And yes, show it off to everyone, much to my embarrassment!! It has even got a built-in web cam and microphone if baba would ever want to chat (as if!). Will get it set up tomorrow.

lost in the city....

We went to Best Buy to buy the Sony Vaio laptop for baba. It was not in the store we went to so we were directed to another store further away. We called up one of the juniors to look up the address and give us the driving directions. And we got lost. Somehow we missed an exit and went on and on and on till we almost reached the end of san francisco!! We never found the store and as it was past the store closing time, we decided to come back. And got lost again!! We desperately need a GPS. We are going to try again tomorrow. While on laptops, i fell in love with the MAC notebook. It is actually sexy, if you can call a laptop sexy. i am so going to buy it, when i can afford it, that is.

i did almost 8K today in about 1 hr 10 minutes! And my legs feel like wooden columns. i know i am going to limp tomorrow to work. But i am confident now that i can complete the 10K. Amen.

Have been bringing work home lately. So no crime thrillers for poor me. i need to finish coding something by next friday. But since we get paid for overtime here, hey, i am not complaining! Let me get back to work. Maybe if i work 24 hours for some weeks, i just might find myself in bed with the MAC! MAC, MAC, MAC....oh i am so besotted with it.

ek tuku....

ek tuku chhowa lage
ek tuku kotha sunne
tai diye mone mone
rochi momo falguni...

This is my favourite rabindra sangeet gaan. i would like to translate it but i am scared i might not do justice to this beautiful song. The first time i heard it was when my pranner bondhu S sang it. i love it. i love the way it touches my heart. S was the one who introduced me to the world of rabindra sangeet. She would sing me these beautiful songs and translate them for me. i always used to think it was dull. i was more into bangla rock - chandrabindu, fossils, miles, mohiner ghoraguli et al. But, for once, i was glad to have been proved wrong.

On a totally different track, why would anyone(in their right mind) eat green apple with salt? i do. Out of the blue, i have decided that i would season fruits with salt - plum, apple, cherry.. And me being me, i have induced my colleagues to do so too. You know, i am this evil spirit that roams around, inciting people to do wicked things. And i am so enthusiatic about it that i think they don't have the heart to say no. Like ema says, wherever i go i end up corrupting minds! My PM still has not forgiven me for starting the trend of walking barefoot in office. Now the silly guys and girls walk around without their shoes and i get chided for being the one who started the fire! There is something to imitation being the best form of flattery. But who wants to be imitated by anyone?

unwilling muscles and mutton...

Went for the first practice run for the 10K. God, i am growing old - at least my muscles are. After the first 1K, i was all washed out and so i decided to walk the remaining 4K - will start with 5K and move on to 10K. Took all of 50 minutes. And guess what, what pained the most was my cheekbones! i cannot, for the life of me, figure out why my cheeks would hurt rather than my leg muscles. This time i have bitten off more than i can chew it seems! Less than three weeks left. i need to build my stamina. i think i will wake up tomorrow and find that i am paralysed. oohhh...aaaaaaaaaaaaa....

And the cheesecake - i was flooded with compliments which i accepted gracefully! If i find myself axed, i know i can open a bakery. Or maybe a corner pan dukan.

OK, the mutton recipe:

i normally marinate the meat overnight with curd and ginger garlic paste, a little bit of chilli powder. Chopped onion, ginger garlic paste (since i am lazy i rely on the bottled variety rather than the fresh version - though sometimes when i want to outdo myself, i do everything from scratch), turmeric and meat masala - that is what you need. oops..forgot to mention tomatoes and green chillies. i don't like the smell of garam masala so i don't use it in my cooking (and the dishes turn out delicious just the same).

Heat oil in a kadhai. Fry the onion till golden brown. Add the ginger garlic paste. After everything looks blended, add the turmeric and masala. After the oil separates, put in the marinated meat. i normally cover it till the meat loses its "bloody" look and add the chopped tomatoes. Add salt, cover and simmer on a low flame - till the meat is done. i prefer the gravy thick. Garnish with chopped cilantro.

He says i make the best mutton curry - and i think so too. Shameless!

Here is a picture after i added the tomatoes: