So he has the deadline sitting on his back. And given my talent as a drama-queen, he thought it best for me to stay with my sister as he would be coming home very late everyday. Which is smart on his part. Because i would have fumed and spewed fire and smoke! i protested at first Рi felt like i was abandoning him in his time of need. But he pointed out that knowing that he has a fuming female waiting up for him was not exactly going to help him meet the deadline. Touch̩!
So i am with my sister and living it up while he is probably starving and dying of exhaustion! Such fun, if you ask me.
So we watch those silly soaps on TV and fight for the remote. We even had a competition yesterday to see who can flip through all the channels faster!
Oh hail the goddess of compilers! For the past two hours, i have been trying to get a program compiled and it keeps returning me errors – for something i have to turn over tomorrow – until it had me wondering whether i should actually resign. But i changed one declaration and viola, it compiled correctly! Why the hell can’t the compiler return me an error message that exactly tells me where i went wrong instead of trying to be all cryptic?
Anyway, i think i will make the deadline, as always!
Distance is good for relationships. Sometimes you tend to take each other for granted. It helps to step back a little. And loosen the bonds a bit. It helps to realize that we are not creepers that need to be twined around each other to survive. It feels good to just love without expecting to be loved back.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
the last straw
i talked to Ema the other day and she told me she was just about to go take part in the sit-in demonstration against the kidnapping of children. This has been in the news for quite some days now – not my mother in the sit-in protest but the kidnapping of children.
Apparently, some militant outfits are kidnapping kids to train them as child soldiers. When i read about this, the first thing that crossed my mind was, well, this has to be the last straw. The camel’s back must break now. i think the people of Manipur should now wake up and see the monsters masquerading as do-gooders.
How would anyone justify anything as inhuman as this? That you can snatch school going children and train them to fight their cause. And what is their cause? What are they fighting for? Independence? From whom? From what? In their so called fight for independence, they have taken away the freedom of the common man – the freedom to live life without fear. They say we are being given step-motherly treatment by the Centre. Who is going to help a society that cannot help itself? And these very people who steal the money that the Centre allots for the welfare of the people cry foul that we are not being looked after.
Once upon a time, when i was young, i used to think the “naharols” (militants) are good people who are trying to cleanse our society of the many ills that plague us. And now, i know better. They are no better than parasites feeing off the society. And we have fed them enough. Now it is time to purge them.
My sister told me the parents are scared to let their children go to school. She told me she does not want to stay there in Manipur anymore, that things are getting out of hand day by day. It is like a cancer spreading. I worry about my cousins and my niece. I worry about the kids back home. About the kids who have been kidnapped – just imagine the physical and psychological trauma. No child deserves this. No society deserves to be at the mercy of such people.
Every day i hear new stories of their atrocities. Once, i asked my mother to ask my brother-in-law to set up some business. She told me it would be of no use. They would be there to extort money if he even makes a little profit. She told me that they demanded Nokia mobile phones from the shop-keepers – people who are trying to earn a livelihood. They have to appease the parasites first before they can think of their family.
Let this be the last straw.
Apparently, some militant outfits are kidnapping kids to train them as child soldiers. When i read about this, the first thing that crossed my mind was, well, this has to be the last straw. The camel’s back must break now. i think the people of Manipur should now wake up and see the monsters masquerading as do-gooders.
How would anyone justify anything as inhuman as this? That you can snatch school going children and train them to fight their cause. And what is their cause? What are they fighting for? Independence? From whom? From what? In their so called fight for independence, they have taken away the freedom of the common man – the freedom to live life without fear. They say we are being given step-motherly treatment by the Centre. Who is going to help a society that cannot help itself? And these very people who steal the money that the Centre allots for the welfare of the people cry foul that we are not being looked after.
Once upon a time, when i was young, i used to think the “naharols” (militants) are good people who are trying to cleanse our society of the many ills that plague us. And now, i know better. They are no better than parasites feeing off the society. And we have fed them enough. Now it is time to purge them.
My sister told me the parents are scared to let their children go to school. She told me she does not want to stay there in Manipur anymore, that things are getting out of hand day by day. It is like a cancer spreading. I worry about my cousins and my niece. I worry about the kids back home. About the kids who have been kidnapped – just imagine the physical and psychological trauma. No child deserves this. No society deserves to be at the mercy of such people.
Every day i hear new stories of their atrocities. Once, i asked my mother to ask my brother-in-law to set up some business. She told me it would be of no use. They would be there to extort money if he even makes a little profit. She told me that they demanded Nokia mobile phones from the shop-keepers – people who are trying to earn a livelihood. They have to appease the parasites first before they can think of their family.
Let this be the last straw.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
passport to hell???
i have got my passport - which will last me another 10 years. i have a feeling my passport might outlive me. i had to go to the passport office which is on the other end of the city and wait for 4 hours to get it. Such patience is unbecoming!
i went there blissfully unaware of the fact that my patience would be tested. Lunch-less, i reached there exactly at the time the agent specified (I am sooo punctual!) and the agent told me to sign on some document. That done, he asked me whether it would be possible for me to come back the next day to get the passport. I said no way. So he told me i would have to wait till 6. i said fine, i will wait. So i waited. And waited. And waited. Looked around. Observed people. The notice boards. The counters. And i finally got bored. And hungry. Bad combination if you ask me. So i went out, saw this guy selling used books, bought one and a bottle of Pulpy orange (as if anyone is interested in the brand of orange you endorse) and went back. i sipped, read, looked around. Read, sipped and looked around. And finally they started announcing the names. Another one hour and still my name was not announced. i had finished the book. So i had nothing better to do than look at the other unfortunate souls waiting for that elusive booklet.
When i least expected it, the guy called my name. Thrilled, i went to stand in the line. And at last, i was handed my new passport – mint-fresh.
Now, i have to carry two passports with me for the rest of my life. As if the burden of safe-guarding one passport was not enough.
i went there blissfully unaware of the fact that my patience would be tested. Lunch-less, i reached there exactly at the time the agent specified (I am sooo punctual!) and the agent told me to sign on some document. That done, he asked me whether it would be possible for me to come back the next day to get the passport. I said no way. So he told me i would have to wait till 6. i said fine, i will wait. So i waited. And waited. And waited. Looked around. Observed people. The notice boards. The counters. And i finally got bored. And hungry. Bad combination if you ask me. So i went out, saw this guy selling used books, bought one and a bottle of Pulpy orange (as if anyone is interested in the brand of orange you endorse) and went back. i sipped, read, looked around. Read, sipped and looked around. And finally they started announcing the names. Another one hour and still my name was not announced. i had finished the book. So i had nothing better to do than look at the other unfortunate souls waiting for that elusive booklet.
When i least expected it, the guy called my name. Thrilled, i went to stand in the line. And at last, i was handed my new passport – mint-fresh.
Now, i have to carry two passports with me for the rest of my life. As if the burden of safe-guarding one passport was not enough.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
this and that
i think i have too much time on hand to brood and fret and fume. He continues to struggle with his deadlines and i continue to struggle with my temper and impatience.
i am not an understanding person. i am not even a nice person. As i grow older, the little niceties I posses seem to peel away. Now, what is left is a grouchy hag who seems to get a kick out of being mean.
The weekend was good – hail the lord! Saturday was spent on the kitchen design and getting the verification certificate for my passport renewal. He wanted to have pork and drink a peg or two. i don’t like either. i mean, i am not too fond of pork and since i don’t drink anything stronger than coffee, i don’t like him drinking. Talk about being a bitch in the manger. i gave my permission, albeit reluctantly. i pity this guy sometimes for having fallen in love with me – if he is still in love with me, that is! i am a hypocrite. i go on and on about how we should never curb other’s freedom but i am guilty of the same crime.
Sunday started off good. We went for the weekly marketing, got ilish. Cooked. Indulged in a bit- ok, a lot – of passionate loving. Ate. Slept. And then went out for a movie. Which is an event in itself considering the fact that the last time i watched a movie in a theater was “Rang De Basanti” almost a century back. We went for Kung Fu Panda. i am an animated movies junkie. So i enjoyed it a lot. We came back and since it was too good to last, we had a tiff.
On the work front, well, we had to defer one of the loads because QA reported multiple dumps during testing. We had not given much importance to this change as it was a preload. Only to have it sorta explode! Serves me right. i am growing old.
The training for another batch of joinees has started. As always, SC tried to coax me into taking as many classes as possible. i escaped with three classes. i think i have improved as a trainer. Now, if only i can improve as a person.
i am not an understanding person. i am not even a nice person. As i grow older, the little niceties I posses seem to peel away. Now, what is left is a grouchy hag who seems to get a kick out of being mean.
The weekend was good – hail the lord! Saturday was spent on the kitchen design and getting the verification certificate for my passport renewal. He wanted to have pork and drink a peg or two. i don’t like either. i mean, i am not too fond of pork and since i don’t drink anything stronger than coffee, i don’t like him drinking. Talk about being a bitch in the manger. i gave my permission, albeit reluctantly. i pity this guy sometimes for having fallen in love with me – if he is still in love with me, that is! i am a hypocrite. i go on and on about how we should never curb other’s freedom but i am guilty of the same crime.
Sunday started off good. We went for the weekly marketing, got ilish. Cooked. Indulged in a bit- ok, a lot – of passionate loving. Ate. Slept. And then went out for a movie. Which is an event in itself considering the fact that the last time i watched a movie in a theater was “Rang De Basanti” almost a century back. We went for Kung Fu Panda. i am an animated movies junkie. So i enjoyed it a lot. We came back and since it was too good to last, we had a tiff.
On the work front, well, we had to defer one of the loads because QA reported multiple dumps during testing. We had not given much importance to this change as it was a preload. Only to have it sorta explode! Serves me right. i am growing old.
The training for another batch of joinees has started. As always, SC tried to coax me into taking as many classes as possible. i escaped with three classes. i think i have improved as a trainer. Now, if only i can improve as a person.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Block of a different kind
Uncharacteristically, i am in no mood to log any thoughts. My mind is brimming over with all emotions and thoughts but i cannot bring myself to pen anything. Blogger’s block. That must be it.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Yipeeeeee
P-da and i won the crossword contest!!! i have got 600 hundred Rs. worth of coupons for that!!! Am i clever or what???
Thursday, July 10, 2008
the night that was..
The bell rings. i take my time to open the door. As always, i forget to peer out through the peep-hole to check if it is a friend or a foe. There is no-one at the door. i close the door. i know it is him though. The bell rings again. This time, i peep out. All i see is something pinkish. There is something blocking the hole - i know it is his finger. i open it and he smiles. A smile escapes me before i can stop it.
Everything is ready. We both freshen up. I wear the white-with-pink cherry baby doll dress he got me for my birthday. Though I have worn it many times before, i cannot help but feel a bit shy. This dress always makes me feel sexy.
Rustling up an elaborate dinner after 8 hours of nagging juniors is not an easy job. But i seem to have done a good job the way he gorges on the food – mutton, salad and eromba.
Dinner over, we go to bed. He reads some technical stuffs while I drown myself in “Ladies Coupe”. After some time, sleep overtakes me. Book returned to its place under the pillow, specs deposited on a pile of books on the window sill, I go to sleep while he reads on.
His whispered “Tum-ma baro?” (Are you asleep) wakes me up. i am too sleepy to respond with anything apart from something that sounds like ummm. i know too well that he is not going to let me sleep for a while. i know the night is going to be long.
Everything is ready. We both freshen up. I wear the white-with-pink cherry baby doll dress he got me for my birthday. Though I have worn it many times before, i cannot help but feel a bit shy. This dress always makes me feel sexy.
Rustling up an elaborate dinner after 8 hours of nagging juniors is not an easy job. But i seem to have done a good job the way he gorges on the food – mutton, salad and eromba.
Dinner over, we go to bed. He reads some technical stuffs while I drown myself in “Ladies Coupe”. After some time, sleep overtakes me. Book returned to its place under the pillow, specs deposited on a pile of books on the window sill, I go to sleep while he reads on.
His whispered “Tum-ma baro?” (Are you asleep) wakes me up. i am too sleepy to respond with anything apart from something that sounds like ummm. i know too well that he is not going to let me sleep for a while. i know the night is going to be long.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
guess who is coming for dinner
It has been winter the past few days between us. The air is cold enough to make you sneeze.we have been either overtly polite with each other or flinging barbs. Nothing new. Sometimes it thaws a bit. The index of the warmth in our relationship is our dinner plate. If things are cold, we eat from separate plates. Wehn things warm up, we eat from the same plate.
Coming out from my bitchy shell, i have decided to be nice for a change. i sent him a mail inviting him for dinner tonight. So i am going to go cook up something nice for him. Lets see what that leads to.
"Love is methyl alcohol pretending to be ethyl alcohol."
--Anita Nair's Ladies Coupe
Coming out from my bitchy shell, i have decided to be nice for a change. i sent him a mail inviting him for dinner tonight. So i am going to go cook up something nice for him. Lets see what that leads to.
"Love is methyl alcohol pretending to be ethyl alcohol."
--Anita Nair's Ladies Coupe
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
introspection
i am a spoilt brat. It is as simple as that. The realization is not new. And in some twisted way, this is the way i like myself. Maybe because i am aware that i cannot and do not want to change. But “cannot change” is not right – if you want, you can change yourself. But i guess, i am too much into myself to think of changing.
When i am hurt or angry, i am incapable of thinking beyond myself. Anger is an emotion that threatens to control me sometimes. From childhood, i have had this issue of not being able to handle things when i don’t get my way. This continues till now. When things don’t work out my way, i just lose it. The irony – i am all too aware of my warts but i seem content to let these warts get bigger and unmanageable. Till one day, i would be one big wart! Great! i am unfair to the people close to me – they are the ones who bear the brunt of my ill-natured outbursts.
i cool down quickly – but after the damage have been done. i mean, i would rant and rave. And then, i would realize that this is not the way to handle things – after the outburst. But words once spoken cannot be recalled like e-mails. Wounds cannot be wished away with a “sorry”. i always end up hurting the people i love the most. Because i am so spoilt. Patience – i should trade some of my gray cells for an ounce of patience.
If only i can think before i speak instead of speaking before i think. If only i was less in love with myself and not accept these warts. If only i was more human instead of being a bitch. If only my actions were reflections of my thoughts.
When i am hurt or angry, i am incapable of thinking beyond myself. Anger is an emotion that threatens to control me sometimes. From childhood, i have had this issue of not being able to handle things when i don’t get my way. This continues till now. When things don’t work out my way, i just lose it. The irony – i am all too aware of my warts but i seem content to let these warts get bigger and unmanageable. Till one day, i would be one big wart! Great! i am unfair to the people close to me – they are the ones who bear the brunt of my ill-natured outbursts.
i cool down quickly – but after the damage have been done. i mean, i would rant and rave. And then, i would realize that this is not the way to handle things – after the outburst. But words once spoken cannot be recalled like e-mails. Wounds cannot be wished away with a “sorry”. i always end up hurting the people i love the most. Because i am so spoilt. Patience – i should trade some of my gray cells for an ounce of patience.
If only i can think before i speak instead of speaking before i think. If only i was less in love with myself and not accept these warts. If only i was more human instead of being a bitch. If only my actions were reflections of my thoughts.
Friday, July 04, 2008
*&#^%$*#(
10:15- Dinner is ready. Have not switched off the lights yet or locked the grill. But i can feel the tendrils of displeasure swaying in my mind. i have always hated waiting - for anyone, esp. him. i wait, the tendrils threaten to turn into branches that will soon flower and fill my mind with the fragrance of anger - does anger have a scent? Like lust?
i have never been an understanding person ever. i want the world to revolve around me. For things to start and end with me. But maybe life is that way. i mean, when you really think about it, the most important person in your life is you yourself. Maybe behind everything we do, self interest lurks. But right now, all i want is for him to come home. i will sharpen my nails in the meantime and maul him. Too bad we don't have an axe. But there is the saw. If you see a female in the news 'morrow accused of killing her man, know it is me.
Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. Count upto 29. Or 69. OK, i will not molest him tonight. i am the mistress of my emotions. so, irritation, anger, all you negative emotions, i banish you to the dark corner. Stay there and rot.
i am hungry.
i am sleepy.
Maybe i should just go off to sleep. And hope to wake up with a clean mind. Or maybe i should wait and get the dirty task done. i hope they will let me read books in jail. i hope they will let me blog too.
Or maybe i should just surprise him by jumping into his arms and raining kisses on him. Or maybe i could do a Sharan Stone, lure him into bed and seduce him, and when he least expect it--- oh, boy. i am turning criminal.
Intihaan ho gayi
Intezaar ki
Aayi nah koi khabar meri yaar ki
Bas humme yeh yakeen
Bewafaa ho nahin
Phir waza kya huwi
Intezaar ki...
----
i have never been an understanding person ever. i want the world to revolve around me. For things to start and end with me. But maybe life is that way. i mean, when you really think about it, the most important person in your life is you yourself. Maybe behind everything we do, self interest lurks. But right now, all i want is for him to come home. i will sharpen my nails in the meantime and maul him. Too bad we don't have an axe. But there is the saw. If you see a female in the news 'morrow accused of killing her man, know it is me.
Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. Count upto 29. Or 69. OK, i will not molest him tonight. i am the mistress of my emotions. so, irritation, anger, all you negative emotions, i banish you to the dark corner. Stay there and rot.
i am hungry.
i am sleepy.
Maybe i should just go off to sleep. And hope to wake up with a clean mind. Or maybe i should wait and get the dirty task done. i hope they will let me read books in jail. i hope they will let me blog too.
Or maybe i should just surprise him by jumping into his arms and raining kisses on him. Or maybe i could do a Sharan Stone, lure him into bed and seduce him, and when he least expect it--- oh, boy. i am turning criminal.
Intihaan ho gayi
Intezaar ki
Aayi nah koi khabar meri yaar ki
Bas humme yeh yakeen
Bewafaa ho nahin
Phir waza kya huwi
Intezaar ki...
----
passport and other worries
i have talked to a Passport agent today and he told me it would take 5 days to get the passport renewed through tatkal. And, i would have to fork out 7K for that! But - who said it was going to be easy - i would have to get a verification certificate as i don't have a Voter Id card (yes, you read that right! i am not entitled to cast my ballot!) or a ration card. This verification certificate has to be obtained from some high ranking officials specified in Annexure F! Hell! i have half a mind not to renew the passport.
SM and i bitched about the way they are trying to make me stay back here. i mean, the project. i am so flattered and all that they think my absence would make things tough. But, i cannot put my plans on hold just because of that. OK, i have a soft spot for the project. But, i am not going to be "guilt-ed" into staying back.
He has a delivery scheduled for this month end, he has been coming home late. When you consider the fact that we are in the same industry, you would think i would be understanding. But it gets my goat when he comes late. i have tried to curb my displeasure - i mean, who the hell would want to come back after a hard day at work to unwelcoming arms? So i read books - and gaze at the clock and resist the desire to call him up and nag him. And i read some more. And resist looking at the clock. And i read some more and i turn off the lights just to make him think i have not come back home! And for good measure, i lock the grill making it appear as if no-one is home. And when he finally comes home, i pretend not to hear the bell. i am such a bitch! You would wonder why this guy loves me.
OK, as a week-ending resolve, i will try not to lose it tonight - the temper, i mean. i will prepare something nice for dinner and wait up for him. i will not turn off the lights or lock the grill. i shall open the door and welcome him home. If only my actions reflected my thoughts! If only..
We would go hunting for a suitable bath-tub this weekend. Plus i need to buy shoes and a belt (my waist being the size it is now, my pants threaten to slither off. The last time i owned a belt was in the last century. You can imagine how fashion-conscious i am!!) plus some more books. Coming to books, i seem to be back in the groove. i can read them till the last page. So my side of the bed is not strewn with half-read books now. Just the one i am reading right now. Hail the god of books!
i have been trying to get my mother to get a domestic help. Back home, it is tough to find help given that everyone does their own chores. She has been giving me excuses after excuses - why hire someone when there is so little work around - and all that. i finally gave her an ultimatum - find a help or else i will call up and nag you every single day of the year. My mother does not seem to like the idea of me calling up everyday so finally i heard the happy news that someone has been found who meets her "requirements". Thank god for small mercies. She is not getting any younger and i hate the thought of Ema and Baba on their own, doing all the chores. They would not come over here - the weather is too hot; it is suffocating staying in a flat...i have to beg, nag, threaten to disown them before they agree to come over for a few weeks. Parents are such kids.
SM and i bitched about the way they are trying to make me stay back here. i mean, the project. i am so flattered and all that they think my absence would make things tough. But, i cannot put my plans on hold just because of that. OK, i have a soft spot for the project. But, i am not going to be "guilt-ed" into staying back.
He has a delivery scheduled for this month end, he has been coming home late. When you consider the fact that we are in the same industry, you would think i would be understanding. But it gets my goat when he comes late. i have tried to curb my displeasure - i mean, who the hell would want to come back after a hard day at work to unwelcoming arms? So i read books - and gaze at the clock and resist the desire to call him up and nag him. And i read some more. And resist looking at the clock. And i read some more and i turn off the lights just to make him think i have not come back home! And for good measure, i lock the grill making it appear as if no-one is home. And when he finally comes home, i pretend not to hear the bell. i am such a bitch! You would wonder why this guy loves me.
OK, as a week-ending resolve, i will try not to lose it tonight - the temper, i mean. i will prepare something nice for dinner and wait up for him. i will not turn off the lights or lock the grill. i shall open the door and welcome him home. If only my actions reflected my thoughts! If only..
We would go hunting for a suitable bath-tub this weekend. Plus i need to buy shoes and a belt (my waist being the size it is now, my pants threaten to slither off. The last time i owned a belt was in the last century. You can imagine how fashion-conscious i am!!) plus some more books. Coming to books, i seem to be back in the groove. i can read them till the last page. So my side of the bed is not strewn with half-read books now. Just the one i am reading right now. Hail the god of books!
i have been trying to get my mother to get a domestic help. Back home, it is tough to find help given that everyone does their own chores. She has been giving me excuses after excuses - why hire someone when there is so little work around - and all that. i finally gave her an ultimatum - find a help or else i will call up and nag you every single day of the year. My mother does not seem to like the idea of me calling up everyday so finally i heard the happy news that someone has been found who meets her "requirements". Thank god for small mercies. She is not getting any younger and i hate the thought of Ema and Baba on their own, doing all the chores. They would not come over here - the weather is too hot; it is suffocating staying in a flat...i have to beg, nag, threaten to disown them before they agree to come over for a few weeks. Parents are such kids.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
dhut teri ki--
Choices. Life is all about choices. Our choices make us the person we are. It is hard trying to make this decision – of staying back or going away. It is tough. Or is it?
We – after a long time, i am able to merge me and him into the word “we” – are confused with the choices we have. We both know it would do us (and our bank balances) good to relocate to US for some years. Choices = confusion. And my project does not want to let me go because offshore delivery will suffer. Oh hell, it is no fun being indispensable!
And, horror of horrors, it completely slipped my mind that my passport is going to expire next month! And i was going to go get my Visa stamped with the almost expired passport! Hell, i must be growing old. My neurons are not what they used to be before.
God, how i wish i could buy a lottery ticket and strike the jackpot. i will retire – and spend the rest of my life having a torrid affair with books. And make candles, open a restaurant, travel from one end to another end of the planet, buy a lorry and run over people...
At work, i have been biting heads off as if i have been without food for days. Not fair to them. Which i am aware of – thank you. But sometimes, they make silly mistakes and i don’t happen to be the type who is going to smile and forgive. I am beginning to behave like an ogress. Where is my Shrek???
Is the moon waxing or waning? My mother is right – i am MAD!
We – after a long time, i am able to merge me and him into the word “we” – are confused with the choices we have. We both know it would do us (and our bank balances) good to relocate to US for some years. Choices = confusion. And my project does not want to let me go because offshore delivery will suffer. Oh hell, it is no fun being indispensable!
And, horror of horrors, it completely slipped my mind that my passport is going to expire next month! And i was going to go get my Visa stamped with the almost expired passport! Hell, i must be growing old. My neurons are not what they used to be before.
God, how i wish i could buy a lottery ticket and strike the jackpot. i will retire – and spend the rest of my life having a torrid affair with books. And make candles, open a restaurant, travel from one end to another end of the planet, buy a lorry and run over people...
At work, i have been biting heads off as if i have been without food for days. Not fair to them. Which i am aware of – thank you. But sometimes, they make silly mistakes and i don’t happen to be the type who is going to smile and forgive. I am beginning to behave like an ogress. Where is my Shrek???
Is the moon waxing or waning? My mother is right – i am MAD!
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