....

Yesterday, i dreamed of him. I woke up with a hole in my heart. All i wanted was just another chance of telling him that in my own way, how much i love him. And why, even when i so don’t want to, i am hardening my heart to let go. Because i think he be happier without me. I am stewing in my misery. It is all i can do to drag myself up each day. I am so glad i don’t drink - i know why people drink to drown their sorrows. All i want is to clear my head for one moment, one moment of peace, one moment when i feel like falling down the abyss when we finally part. I am not able to get to the next stage - i itch to hear his voice but i cannot call up. I want to beg him to stay but i know i cannot. And so here i am, drinking my own tears. If it had not been so heart breaking, i would have called myself melodramatic. I want to have a dreamless sleep - i don’t want to dream of him, feeling him no near and waking up to find emptiness. Much more of this and i swear i will go crazy. As it is i am wasting away, i have to force myself to eat. I find no joy in anything. All i am looking for is noise so it can drown out these memories.