on wants/needs

Attended my first “Management Team” meeting yesterday. And realized how much more shit i have to deal with. Having to sit through 1 ½ hr long presentation, trying to make sense of it all – the business forecast, the ramp-up, the projects in pipeline. What did i get myself into? i am happier coding, (mis)guiding kids, playing the bully than listening to all theory-no practice preaching.

Which makes me think i am not ambitious at all. i am too laid back. Or maybe my priorities are different. If i ask myself what really i want in life, i know it is not climbing up the corporate ladder. i love my work but i am not too concerned about where i am in the pecking order. i guess i must be the only one in the whole company who has never asked for a salary raise or a promotion!

The big question – what do i want in life? i know for sure what i don’t want but i am finding it difficult to specify what i really want. i want to be happy – but happiness is such a tricky state of mind. i can be happy with just a book. Am i happy now? Yes. Will i be happy tomorrow? Depends. Materialistically speaking, if i ask myself what i want, i cannot think of anything. i cannot understand why i am so uninterested in clothes, jewellery or anything of that sort. i am no sanyasi - i just cannot understand this streak in me. i just am not interested.

But i want to travel and travel, i want to sky-dive again. i want to learn new recipes. i want to start making my candles again. i want to learn pottery and glass-painting. i want to learn kung-fu. And most of all, i want to sleep.