another one of those posts

Another weekend gone. How many more do i have, i wonder? As i snuggled up to him yesterday evening, i suddenly felt sad thinking we would all die one day. i guess it was one of those moments when you feel so blessed that you are alive and with the one you love and any thought of the moment ending is unbearable.

i live as if i always have tomorrow to correct my mistakes, to shower my love on my loved ones. Don’t they say we should live as if today is our last day? i, somehow, am not able to feel that way. i feel like my life is forever. That tomorrow will always dawn for me.

Life begins to make more sense when you realize that there is no meaning to it. It just is. There is no heaven waiting for us. No hell to burn in. Heaven and hell – it is all here in this life. Whatever good i do, i do it because it makes me feel good. Not because i want to earn some brownie points. Whatever sins i commit, i do so without the fear that i would have hot rods stuck up in some unmentionable part of my anatomy after i die! i want to pay the price for my good and bad deeds here. In this lifetime.

When you really think about it, nothing matters. All the things that we worry about, the heartaches – nothing matters in the end. Maybe that is why i never care much about what other people say and do my own thing. And which is one thing about me that seems to irk everyone. That i care so less about their opinions. That i revel in doing just what i want – well, most of the time.

My thoughts are repetitive. i mean, you find the same strain in all the posts except those where i am documenting my love/fight-life; posting recipes or cribbing. But this is what i think about most of the time – when i sit there stone-faced in the bus or when i meditate in the loo – about life, what it is all about. Even when i know my thoughts don’t matter either. Life goes on – with or without my life-(un)changing thoughts.