....i rescued a bag of books from his evil clutches. i found a bag of books on the balcony of his (our) place. i knew he had kept those books there because they were all lying unread, untidy. i think he meant to throw them away - i could almost hate him for that - but i guess better sense prevailed and he dumped them there.
It had been lying there for ages. Of course, i knew the bag contained books but i thought they must be the read-once thriller books bought second hand from the library.
Since i have the book case now, when i visited his/our place, i opened the bag and horror of horrors, what do i see but all my precious first-hand books i bought from the boi mela- some of them still untouched. And to think he was thinking of throwing them away. i lovingly dusted them and dragged them all the way to my place where they now reside peacefully.
i am thinking of dumping his Bose sound system on the balcony.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
incoherent ramblings..
i find it most amusing that i think some of my deepest thoughts in the loo and when i am in a bus/taxi/car by myself. The loo, ah, isn't it lucky for my thoughts that i am a constipated soul - now, what does that mean?
i like long rides - in fact sometimes i just wish life was just one long bus ride where i could sit back, doze and think, dream, look out the window and stare at people wondering what their lives are like. i think i am a voyeur...
i am re-reading some of the books - it feels a bit like renewing old friendships..The boi mela starts next week..i would love to buy more books. Ema looked at all the books in the book case and said something to the tune that there were too many books and wondered why when i would not have the time to read them ---i was offended and told her i have read every one of them.
He thinks all my silly ideals arise from the books i read. Maybe he thinks i would have been more human if i read less...everyone seems to think i am too different...
i have a craving for swans - i know, they are such beautiful creatures and who but the wicked would even think of eating them...i remember the wild ducks that used to swim in the lagoon and how i used to tell SM that we should ducknap one for the wok...i am such a heartless glutton...no feelings for the other living creatures...
i feel the need for a career change - maybe it is midlife crisis or something like that..i know i do what i am expected to do very well but i am getting bored of it...There used to be a time when at least i was motivated because i had the kids at work to nag...i think i want to open a candle shop...or maybe a roadside dhaba...or maybe a paan dukaan but i hate paan...or maybe i should become a homemaker - i will make a poor one at that..i have neither the skills nor the patience.
My sister installed solar panels back home at Imphal so now she says there is light everyday...that is like a luxury back home...How sick is that something essential like that is a luxury for some in this age?? And that everyone accepts it as a way of life...
Yesterday was Emoinu - it is a Manipuri festival worshipping Emoinu - i don't know whether she is the goddess of the kitchen or something else. Even though i do not believe in anything that says 'worship', i bought sweets and flowers for Ema so she could at least feel happy..and maybe because i wanted to eat sweets...glutton...
Life drags on...the same day, the same night...with some variations thrown in...Is this what it is all about? There has to be more to it...now, if only i can find out what....
i like long rides - in fact sometimes i just wish life was just one long bus ride where i could sit back, doze and think, dream, look out the window and stare at people wondering what their lives are like. i think i am a voyeur...
i am re-reading some of the books - it feels a bit like renewing old friendships..The boi mela starts next week..i would love to buy more books. Ema looked at all the books in the book case and said something to the tune that there were too many books and wondered why when i would not have the time to read them ---i was offended and told her i have read every one of them.
He thinks all my silly ideals arise from the books i read. Maybe he thinks i would have been more human if i read less...everyone seems to think i am too different...
i have a craving for swans - i know, they are such beautiful creatures and who but the wicked would even think of eating them...i remember the wild ducks that used to swim in the lagoon and how i used to tell SM that we should ducknap one for the wok...i am such a heartless glutton...no feelings for the other living creatures...
i feel the need for a career change - maybe it is midlife crisis or something like that..i know i do what i am expected to do very well but i am getting bored of it...There used to be a time when at least i was motivated because i had the kids at work to nag...i think i want to open a candle shop...or maybe a roadside dhaba...or maybe a paan dukaan but i hate paan...or maybe i should become a homemaker - i will make a poor one at that..i have neither the skills nor the patience.
My sister installed solar panels back home at Imphal so now she says there is light everyday...that is like a luxury back home...How sick is that something essential like that is a luxury for some in this age?? And that everyone accepts it as a way of life...
Yesterday was Emoinu - it is a Manipuri festival worshipping Emoinu - i don't know whether she is the goddess of the kitchen or something else. Even though i do not believe in anything that says 'worship', i bought sweets and flowers for Ema so she could at least feel happy..and maybe because i wanted to eat sweets...glutton...
Life drags on...the same day, the same night...with some variations thrown in...Is this what it is all about? There has to be more to it...now, if only i can find out what....
Monday, January 17, 2011
Memories calling.....
Got out all my books from their dumping ground - under the bed, in the loft, unread, unloved for long...dusted them, and arranged them in the new bookcase- with my sister and my little elf helping out. OK, my sister did most of the work while i looked at the books trying to remember...
i have so many books - old ones almost falling apart which i bought from
second hand because i was not able to afford new ones, shiny,new ones that i bought after i started earning enough to indulge myself, books gifted by
loved ones...
Along with the books emerged some photos from old days - i looked at the pictures and thought how pretty i looked in some (yes, i am immodest and delusional) - still fresh, yet to face the many demons slumbering inside me..And i remembered the places i have been to, the people in the photos - some lost, some still there in my life...Alas, people cannot be captured in your heart like memories...they drift away, they die, they desert you...you desert some...
And suddenly, i missed the places i never thought i would miss -like CA...i was always counting the days to go back when i was there but now that i know i will never go back again, i miss it...i miss the walk by the lagoon..i miss the Flea market, i miss the Dosa shop at Sunnyvale, i miss the kubide from Rose Market, the pork chops from that place whose name i don't remember....
Isn't life funny? You never treasure the moment till it slips away from you and become a memory....Why can i never learn to live ???
i have so many books - old ones almost falling apart which i bought from
second hand because i was not able to afford new ones, shiny,new ones that i bought after i started earning enough to indulge myself, books gifted by
loved ones...
Along with the books emerged some photos from old days - i looked at the pictures and thought how pretty i looked in some (yes, i am immodest and delusional) - still fresh, yet to face the many demons slumbering inside me..And i remembered the places i have been to, the people in the photos - some lost, some still there in my life...Alas, people cannot be captured in your heart like memories...they drift away, they die, they desert you...you desert some...
And suddenly, i missed the places i never thought i would miss -like CA...i was always counting the days to go back when i was there but now that i know i will never go back again, i miss it...i miss the walk by the lagoon..i miss the Flea market, i miss the Dosa shop at Sunnyvale, i miss the kubide from Rose Market, the pork chops from that place whose name i don't remember....
Isn't life funny? You never treasure the moment till it slips away from you and become a memory....Why can i never learn to live ???
Thursday, January 13, 2011
life is the same....
...in the new year. You begin to wonder why we even wish other new Year - how would changing the year from 2010 to 2011 make any difference to anyone? Would it mean less pain for those who suffer? No. Life will remain the same even if the calendar changes.
Met SM after god knows how many years - and that too for less than an hour. He was here just for a couple of days. With close friends, it does not matter whether you have not met for ages - you always feel like it was only yesterday that you parted.
And i gave away three bags of clothes to the maid. Some of them never worn even once. But kept some old ones for memories' sake - like the Lee tshirt he got for me when we started going around, the shirts i painted, his old t-shirt that i snitched from him, sweaters Ema knitted for me with leftover wool....
Still have not got around to dyeing my hair. Maybe i should just let the gray hair be - i would look more mature, eh?
Got a new bookcase so i can dump all my books there. Cannot remember the last time i bought a book. i am trying to finish reading the ones i bought earlier and neglected to read.
Winter is here - i must be growing old because i can feel the chill in my bones and i run around the house checking to see if any window is open. It must be worse in Imphal. Hell, i would refuse to budge from under the blanket if i was there and cosy up to the water bottle.
Met SM after god knows how many years - and that too for less than an hour. He was here just for a couple of days. With close friends, it does not matter whether you have not met for ages - you always feel like it was only yesterday that you parted.
And i gave away three bags of clothes to the maid. Some of them never worn even once. But kept some old ones for memories' sake - like the Lee tshirt he got for me when we started going around, the shirts i painted, his old t-shirt that i snitched from him, sweaters Ema knitted for me with leftover wool....
Still have not got around to dyeing my hair. Maybe i should just let the gray hair be - i would look more mature, eh?
Got a new bookcase so i can dump all my books there. Cannot remember the last time i bought a book. i am trying to finish reading the ones i bought earlier and neglected to read.
Winter is here - i must be growing old because i can feel the chill in my bones and i run around the house checking to see if any window is open. It must be worse in Imphal. Hell, i would refuse to budge from under the blanket if i was there and cosy up to the water bottle.
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