The other day, they showed this movie on TV. I have read the book, thanks to Babachou who is my guide when it comes to books, and i quite enjoyed it. Somehow, movie adaptations of books always leave me cold and the fact that Russel Crowe played John Nash in the movie did nothing to entice me to watch it. He somehow did not seem capable of playing a schizophrenic Mathematician after watching him in Gladiator - ok, unfair because i only managed to stand 5 minutes of that film because it was gory.
Anyway, he wanted to watch it. He, to balance this relationship i suppose, does not like reading. He is the type who would download audio or video tapes just to save himself the trouble of reading! And i am the kind who would rather hug a book to sleep (or death).
OK, where was i? OK, the movie. It was a late night movie and since nothing interesting was there on the other channels worth fighting for the remote, we watched it. i, for a change, was nice enough to watch it along with him because i know it is no fun watching movies on your own - at least i don't enjoy watching movies alone. So kind of me. i really can be an angel at times!
And i actually ended up liking the movie. Maybe because i don't remember much of the book version!! Schizophrenia is such a frightening disease. Imagine conjuring up people and thinking they were real, when you cannot separate the real world from the imaginary, when you see non-existent things and people. Given the illusional/delusional world i sometimes inhibit, i believe i am an ideal candidate for it. i got spared somehow. Or maybe i just went beyond it and came out clean on the other side. One of the symptoms is loss of train of thoughts. My thinking process always keep getting derailed, or rather it branches off in myraid directions till i lose track of the original thought. hmmm...
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
..the gypsy returns
After precisely 4 months and 10 days, i come out of hibernation. Why i went into it in the first place i have no idea - that is one of the things that makes me me! It is just like the time i decided not to touch aerated drinks ever - not so much for health reasons but just to test myself because i was so fond of it. How do you reason with such perfect logic?
4 months and 10 days, here i am - jobless, clueless but hopefully not aimless! i gave up my job without even ensuring i have something to fall back on - so typical of me. And that too in the current hopeless market! It was to follow him to another country - not his fault, i wanted to get away from life and he indulged me. You know, sometimes i breeze through life behaving as if everything would work out for me, that nothing could go wrong. Did i expect to land a job? Yes - i have so inflated a sense of confidence in myself! i was a bit disappointed when nothing worked out the first two weeks - i have been "unemployed" for exactly a month now. There is something to be said about waking up to days when you know you will have nothing to do, no worries about getting late for office, eating lunch at 3, taking your bath at 4, watching quiz shows after quiz shows!
i have decided not to try for a job. Just sit at home and vegetate. And write. i am trying my hands at freelance writing and getting quite a kick out of it. i got myself registered at this site where i had to take a grammar test (the questions made me feel as if they were expecting someone semi-illiterate!) and write a review on Frank Kafka's A country doctor. It was fun, i got selected (was there any doubt about it?) and i have successfully written and delivered three articles - the topic ranging from a summary of an article on the effect of plucking whiskers of rats on layer IV and V neurons (i completed it in about 5 hours - actually wrote a summary of an article that i could not make head or tail of which speaks volumes of my writing skills!!!!) to an article on Hashimoto's thyroiditis (an autoimmune disease).
You know, life is funny. It takes you to places you never thought you would frequent, situations you never thought you would be in. The sum total of all these experiences - is that what would make up the meaning of life? Is accepting things as they come the key to happiness? They say you have to fight to get the things you want. The trouble is trying to figure out what is worth fighting for. Sometimes i wonder whether this is the start of a new beginning - and that makes me feel it is useless to be frustrated about not having a job. i miss the project, i miss nagging the kids. Sometimes, i worry about how things are without me. But i guess there is a sense of detachment setting in. Maybe it was time to let go. Maybe i will find my new calling. And maybe, just maybe, this restlessness inside me will subside.
i don't know whether i would go back not to not wanting to share my thoughts. Or maybe i will be like old times and pour out my tales of woe to anyone who would care to read.
4 months and 10 days, here i am - jobless, clueless but hopefully not aimless! i gave up my job without even ensuring i have something to fall back on - so typical of me. And that too in the current hopeless market! It was to follow him to another country - not his fault, i wanted to get away from life and he indulged me. You know, sometimes i breeze through life behaving as if everything would work out for me, that nothing could go wrong. Did i expect to land a job? Yes - i have so inflated a sense of confidence in myself! i was a bit disappointed when nothing worked out the first two weeks - i have been "unemployed" for exactly a month now. There is something to be said about waking up to days when you know you will have nothing to do, no worries about getting late for office, eating lunch at 3, taking your bath at 4, watching quiz shows after quiz shows!
i have decided not to try for a job. Just sit at home and vegetate. And write. i am trying my hands at freelance writing and getting quite a kick out of it. i got myself registered at this site where i had to take a grammar test (the questions made me feel as if they were expecting someone semi-illiterate!) and write a review on Frank Kafka's A country doctor. It was fun, i got selected (was there any doubt about it?) and i have successfully written and delivered three articles - the topic ranging from a summary of an article on the effect of plucking whiskers of rats on layer IV and V neurons (i completed it in about 5 hours - actually wrote a summary of an article that i could not make head or tail of which speaks volumes of my writing skills!!!!) to an article on Hashimoto's thyroiditis (an autoimmune disease).
You know, life is funny. It takes you to places you never thought you would frequent, situations you never thought you would be in. The sum total of all these experiences - is that what would make up the meaning of life? Is accepting things as they come the key to happiness? They say you have to fight to get the things you want. The trouble is trying to figure out what is worth fighting for. Sometimes i wonder whether this is the start of a new beginning - and that makes me feel it is useless to be frustrated about not having a job. i miss the project, i miss nagging the kids. Sometimes, i worry about how things are without me. But i guess there is a sense of detachment setting in. Maybe it was time to let go. Maybe i will find my new calling. And maybe, just maybe, this restlessness inside me will subside.
i don't know whether i would go back not to not wanting to share my thoughts. Or maybe i will be like old times and pour out my tales of woe to anyone who would care to read.
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