incoherent ramblings..

i find it most amusing that i think some of my deepest thoughts in the loo and when i am in a bus/taxi/car by myself. The loo, ah, isn't it lucky for my thoughts that i am a constipated soul - now, what does that mean?

i like long rides - in fact sometimes i just wish life was just one long bus ride where i could sit back, doze and think, dream, look out the window and stare at people wondering what their lives are like. i think i am a voyeur...

i am re-reading some of the books - it feels a bit like renewing old friendships..The boi mela starts next week..i would love to buy more books. Ema looked at all the books in the book case and said something to the tune that there were too many books and wondered why when i would not have the time to read them ---i was offended and told her i have read every one of them.

He thinks all my silly ideals arise from the books i read. Maybe he thinks i would have been more human if i read less...everyone seems to think i am too different...

i have a craving for swans - i know, they are such beautiful creatures and who but the wicked would even think of eating them...i remember the wild ducks that used to swim in the lagoon and how i used to tell SM that we should ducknap one for the wok...i am such a heartless glutton...no feelings for the other living creatures...

i feel the need for a career change - maybe it is midlife crisis or something like that..i know i do what i am expected to do very well but i am getting bored of it...There used to be a time when at least i was motivated because i had the kids at work to nag...i think i want to open a candle shop...or maybe a roadside dhaba...or maybe a paan dukaan but i hate paan...or maybe i should become a homemaker - i will make a poor one at that..i have neither the skills nor the patience.

My sister installed solar panels back home at Imphal so now she says there is light everyday...that is like a luxury back home...How sick is that something essential like that is a luxury for some in this age?? And that everyone accepts it as a way of life...

Yesterday was Emoinu - it is a Manipuri festival worshipping Emoinu - i don't know whether she is the goddess of the kitchen or something else. Even though i do not believe in anything that says 'worship', i bought sweets and flowers for Ema so she could at least feel happy..and maybe because i wanted to eat sweets...glutton...

Life drags on...the same day, the same night...with some variations thrown in...Is this what it is all about? There has to be more to it...now, if only i can find out what....