Something had been nagging at my virtually non-existent conscience for the past few days. One of the security guards of our apartment complex asked me for some money some days back. Despite my cynical nature, i find it hard to turn away people in need. But that day, somehow, i was brusque and i didn’t even listen to what he had to say and told him i would think about it. Maybe because i was wary that he chose to approach me and not others. Maybe it was the small-town girl in me thinking everybody is out to fleece me (or maybe the big-city attitude, because aren’t we small town people supposed to be more trusting?..). But i kept thinking about it.. the guy must have summoned his guts to approach me and maybe his pride too, and i didn’t even listen to what he had to say, why he needed the money.
So yesterday, when i came back from office, i asked him why he needed the money. And he said his daughter was supposed to get admitted in a school and he didn’t have enough money for it. All he wanted was 500 bucks. i gave him the 500 he wanted and got my peace of mind back. Sometimes, in my haste to be worldly wise, i tend to step on myself, on my desire to be more human. Not that i am awash with dough, but 500 is not that much money when you think about it. But to somebody else, it could mean so very much.
Sometimes i think i have become cynical to counter the fact that i can be really soft hearted at times (for goodness sake, i actually shed tears when i read sentimental novels!). One of my closest friends once told me that i have barriers all around me, walls that i have erected and from the safety within i watch the world go by. And sometimes i think maybe I am like all the hard-shelled creatures around. They have hard shells because they are vulnerable inside.
i am a mass of conflicting emotions. White emotions. Black emotions. And emotions in all shades between.
So yesterday, when i came back from office, i asked him why he needed the money. And he said his daughter was supposed to get admitted in a school and he didn’t have enough money for it. All he wanted was 500 bucks. i gave him the 500 he wanted and got my peace of mind back. Sometimes, in my haste to be worldly wise, i tend to step on myself, on my desire to be more human. Not that i am awash with dough, but 500 is not that much money when you think about it. But to somebody else, it could mean so very much.
Sometimes i think i have become cynical to counter the fact that i can be really soft hearted at times (for goodness sake, i actually shed tears when i read sentimental novels!). One of my closest friends once told me that i have barriers all around me, walls that i have erected and from the safety within i watch the world go by. And sometimes i think maybe I am like all the hard-shelled creatures around. They have hard shells because they are vulnerable inside.
i am a mass of conflicting emotions. White emotions. Black emotions. And emotions in all shades between.
