.....of lonely nights and diplomacy

i am back. i survived...It has been a memorable three weeks...filled with melodrama (of the B grade bollywood type), tears, laughters and yes, the joy of being with him again. Well, lets say i am just relieved that everything ended well.


And now, i miss him terribly. Am so used to waking up with his arms around me that it is torture to wake up to an empty bed. And torture to go to sleep without his caresses...Ok, let me censor my thoughts..

On the work front, things are going slow what it being the holiday season. So i have not missed out on much. Except for the fruit party. i have taken the onus of demanding fruit 'hafta' from everyone so we will end up healthy! Hah..The things i do...

It is the end of yet another year...but i guess i have outgrown the concept of celebrating a new year ..Is it skepticism? or plain old laziness? With i, you never know. For me, it will be just another day without him. Oh, stop acting like a lovelorn puppy...And see, now i talk to myself. Somebody save me.

i suddenly woke up to the realisation that i have become too impatient and aggresive. Not that i have been submissive before. But i had that i-don't-care-a-damn attitude. i used to shrug off things as being immaterial..Now, i see this demanding version, ready to give an earful. Yuck. oh mairi..amai ki hoche?

i had been trying to learn to be to be a tad diplomatic. Which is like figthing a losing battle for someone who has been termed a "front-biter" (as opposed to a back biter) for saying things up straight. So now, i just keep quiet when i am supposed to answer something i know requires a diplomatic answer. To silence. And to being true to myself. Amen.

Sabbatical

Three weeks. Of traveling, meeting new people, forging new relationships. Three weeks that will test my patience, my power of endurance and my ability to stay true to my beliefs. Maybe i will emerge a stronger person or end up broken. Whichever way it ends, i hope i will have the strength to accept whatever life throws at me. i am scared …But what is life if you cannot face your fears? i love to believe that i am strong enough to face my fears and overcome them. Let me see whether i can prove myself right.

In a way, i am paying the price for the choices i have made in life. i know i could have turned around and walked away. But if there is a thing i have believed in, it is that i should never flinch from accepting the price of my choices. i have made bad choices, i have made good choices. i don’t subscribe to the concept of god, that i would be rewarded or punished after i am dead. Whatever happiness and sadness i have to go through; i want it when i am alive.

So, life, here i am.