happiness is a choice...

At another crossroads. Confused? Yes, i am. We are the choices we make in life. And as difficult as it is, i think it is time i faced some bitter truths. Of course, i am the kind that loves running away – given half a chance, i would love to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that all is well in paradise.

i think it is time i decided what i really want from life – whether i want to be a free soul or be tied down by love – well, all is not well if i start thinking i am being tied down by love! The choice is mine and hell, i wish i could have my cake and eat it too. Umm, you cannot have everything your way, honey. So wake up and smell the fumes.

Matters of the heart apart, life is dragging on. On the work front, i need to gear up – have something big to deliver by end of January and i still have not touched it! Giving the kids a hard time – talk about taking out your frustrations on others!! i have a training to impart next week. It is an external training and god knows how many people are going to be there to listen to my blah- blah. i thought it was a good thing to have my plate full just to distract my mind.

Have been singing melancholic songs to myself all through the weekend – Don’t Cry, Woh mere needh mera chain mujhe lauta do, chupke chupke….It is fun trying to depress an already depressed mind – sadistic indeed. But when i am at it, i might as well let my mind drown before it realizes that it is no fun wallowing in pain and that there are other better things in life.

i could be bitter, i could slash my wrist (ugh, i would faint when i see the first drop of blood!), i could cry till my eyes swell up like raisins soaked in water (eh??) – but i choose to be happy in spite of everything. Because i deserve it. Yes, i deserve to be happy. Period.