--it is the rain

It rained yesterday night – it is still raining. And i felt/feel happy just to hear the sound of rain drops. A breath of fresh, crisp air. i love getting wet in the rain – i love that feeling of just letting go, of sheer abandonment, of lifting my face to the sky and feeling the drops on my face.

Basketball in the rain – a memory tucked away in some corner, rekindled every time it rains. i still remember that feeling of being alive, of the joy of just being there to enjoy life, the lightning lighting up the court as we played, the thunders applauding us. If i close my eyes, i can still feel the smiles on our faces, our laughter mingled with the rain. Dripping wet, we splashed around the court, living in the moment. We were such fools to think the rain would last all our life. It stopped - the game ended.

When it rains, i dream of home – the sound of furious rain drops pounding the roofs. When it rains, a smile sprouts on my face. It spreads to my tired soul – and i can almost feel the rain inside me.

Today, as i type this, i want to know – what is life all about? Is this pain i go through worth it? Is there a price for every tear i shed, every smile that escapes from the gloom inside? i am happy and yet, i am sad. i am sad because i know life can be so beautiful, because i am so aware of fact that life is not forever. And yet, here i am – bound by the choices i made, with my wings cut.

What does it take to sever ties? i am scared i would bleed to death. What does it take to make peace with the choices you have made? What does it take to live? What does it take to die?

My sanity bleeds – when it stops, would i be drained of all these thoughts?

..fly away

e mere dil kahi aur chal
gham ki duniya se dil bhar gaya
dhoon le aab koyi ghar naaya

chal jaha gham ke maare nah ho
jhooti asha ke taare nah ho
in baharoon se kya faida
jisme dil ki kali jal gayi
zakhm phir se haara ho gaya

char ansoo koyi ro diya
pher ke mooh koyi chal diya

loot raha tha kisika jaha
dekhti rahe gayi yeh zameen
chup raha berahaam aasman