there are times in life when i wish i had in me to believe in something divine so i could hope for a miracle. But the concept of God was invented for less cynical people who have in their hearts the innocence and ignorance to trust that life is governed by the whims and will of some divine creature.
i only have in me the belief in the strength of the mind...but would it last?
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Backward progress
While the world moves on, the place I call home progresses backward at a pace that would shame thevproverbial hare. Everytime I call up home I am left depressed at the way things are. Ema said gas cylinders sell at about 2k - what the fuck? And people now cook using firewood or charcoal. Wow, that is progress for us. Soon enough we will go back to the stone ages and maybe start eating everything raw. There is absolutely no hope or desire left in me to go back to the place where my roots are.
Once upon a time, I did think of a future where Imphal featured - of going back home to where I supposedly belong. But now, disgust is all I feel. Because I am so fucking helpless to help my loved ones - my parents would never agree to leaving Imphal for good and money is not going to buy safety or a peaceful existence there.
Once upon a time, there was a place I called home. But now, it is just a name that gives me heartache because I know nothing is going to change. We would slide into the abyss,dragging everything along. Whether we will rise from the ashes like a Phoenix - only time will tell. But we need to burn ourselves before that- get rid of the scums that have inherited Manipur. While other scums like me shed tears and watch from across the ocean.
I feel rootless now - free to pick and choose where I supplant them. But traces of the soil in which I took my first step would always cling to, will always taunt me for deserting it, will always tug at my heartstrings.
Once upon a time, I did think of a future where Imphal featured - of going back home to where I supposedly belong. But now, disgust is all I feel. Because I am so fucking helpless to help my loved ones - my parents would never agree to leaving Imphal for good and money is not going to buy safety or a peaceful existence there.
Once upon a time, there was a place I called home. But now, it is just a name that gives me heartache because I know nothing is going to change. We would slide into the abyss,dragging everything along. Whether we will rise from the ashes like a Phoenix - only time will tell. But we need to burn ourselves before that- get rid of the scums that have inherited Manipur. While other scums like me shed tears and watch from across the ocean.
I feel rootless now - free to pick and choose where I supplant them. But traces of the soil in which I took my first step would always cling to, will always taunt me for deserting it, will always tug at my heartstrings.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
not yet dead
don't write me off because i am still alive - why, don't ask me.
Life has been busy - one day merging into next and the next. And nothing to show for it.
Work - yes, the new place - not new anymore now that i have spent two months there. i was not prepared for the coldness welcoming me - apparently we replaced two people in the team all because of management policy and that did not go down too well with the team. i could understand their antagonism. But, i am glad that in the two months, i have been able to break down barriers and even feel welcome. Not that i want to be miss-popular or anything but it is nice to be appreciated for your good work. So there, i crossed another hurdle. Hurray for the smart one!!
And i found out how much i hate accounting. Now that i have my own company i am supposed to maintain an account of my expenses and all that bull shit. i absolutely hate it. i think there is nothing worse than trying to keep track of where your money goes - i just cannot do it. My sister is so good at it. But i do not even know how and where it goes and i am not too bothered unless of course i go bankrupt - which i just might.
Oh wait, did i say that on my birthday i got the one thing i have been lusting for - now, no dirty thoughts - i got an iMac pro. Yes, the mac i keep mooning about - the only material thing after books i long for. He got his brother-in-law to get it from US and ship it. Wasn't that sweet of him? But, as with all things, now that i have it, i don't use it. i guess i just wanted to have it just for the sake of having it. But i do love the look of it. Yes, i should use it more often. And i should blog too.
Life has been busy - one day merging into next and the next. And nothing to show for it.
Work - yes, the new place - not new anymore now that i have spent two months there. i was not prepared for the coldness welcoming me - apparently we replaced two people in the team all because of management policy and that did not go down too well with the team. i could understand their antagonism. But, i am glad that in the two months, i have been able to break down barriers and even feel welcome. Not that i want to be miss-popular or anything but it is nice to be appreciated for your good work. So there, i crossed another hurdle. Hurray for the smart one!!
And i found out how much i hate accounting. Now that i have my own company i am supposed to maintain an account of my expenses and all that bull shit. i absolutely hate it. i think there is nothing worse than trying to keep track of where your money goes - i just cannot do it. My sister is so good at it. But i do not even know how and where it goes and i am not too bothered unless of course i go bankrupt - which i just might.
Oh wait, did i say that on my birthday i got the one thing i have been lusting for - now, no dirty thoughts - i got an iMac pro. Yes, the mac i keep mooning about - the only material thing after books i long for. He got his brother-in-law to get it from US and ship it. Wasn't that sweet of him? But, as with all things, now that i have it, i don't use it. i guess i just wanted to have it just for the sake of having it. But i do love the look of it. Yes, i should use it more often. And i should blog too.
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