mind when I least expect them? i wish i did not have thoughts running around my head all the time - I mean you would think them thoughts would get exhausted and drop down dead but no, I get the pleasure of their company almost every waking hours. I think I talk to myself so much inside my head that it is like there is another world in there...arghhh..,
I should learn to be more patient, devote more time to things that count. Easier said than done...
Why is that I cannot think to my resolve - to be a better person, at least to the people who mean the world to me? It is like I have this mean streak inside me... Why am i never understanding? Why?
OK- let's do it this way, girl. Everyday, do at least one nice deed. Count upto 100 if you have to but bite your tongue to stop cruel words from escaping your mouth. Try to come out of you damn narrow comfort zone and be open to new things (orgy?? Oh what the f&@@$... Please shut up - I just cannot stand my perverted sense of humor at times...)
I am going mad, as you can see...it is a Friday (so??? ).
I am going to spend the weekend cleaning up the apartment. Which makes me realize what a gem he is -- the place is so neat and tidy when he is around. 5 days and the place looks like a --/I don't know what to compare it to/.
There is a potluck on Monday at the office--I can going to cook Thai red chicken curry. Need to go to the wet market to buy basil.
I need to buy a pair of jeans- the one that I have now is almost 3 years old. Why am I writing this? Obviously because I have nothing better to write about.
What is the meaning of life??? Oh god, here I go again...but what really is it that we live for? I mean, why do we bother about such trivial things like a piece of code not working, of what people think about you, about bank balances, about the conversion rate of sgd to inr, about everything. The more I think about it, the more nothing makes sense to me. It will all end when I die..so why should I give a damn about anything..So when somebody tells me about any of their woes, I say 'how does it matter in the over all scheme of life?'...but is there a scheme to life...when I think about the fact that there is just this one life, I get depressed thinking about all the places I would never visit, all the people I would never know....here I am, coding and fixing bugs... Is that all there is to life???
There are so many things I have not done -- I have not tried LSD, not gone to Africa or seen the aurora borealis, no Sahara desert, no pyramids...heck, I have not even been to loktak lake....
Am I sad? Not really...But it is just that I have these thoughts inside of, these questions...
Do you know my favourite color? It is black. That is the color of me --dark--
