family feud and other such asinine things

OK, so i called up home and refused to have a proper conversation with my ema and baba. Before you judge me unkindly (not that i would mind very much), here is the story.

One of my relatives got married last week. He is someone who has always treated me like a sister when i was growing up - he used to get me books from library and buy me indrajal comics. Unfortunately, due to some misunderstanding, his mother and siblings had a falling out with my uncle. They are next door neighbours on top of being our relatives. i don't know how the social system works, but my parents also ended up not being invited to the wedding even though they had no part in the misunderstanding.

Now, that is one of the biggest social snubs as far as my parents are concerned! It is a funny thing how people take offence at being left out - i am all too happy whenever i am not featured on any invitation list. i heard about it from my younger sister with whom i spend hours on long distance calls gossiping about every possible events and non-events. i being the insensitive bitch as always, i called up my parents and said "i heard you people were not invited to the wedding" and started laughing as if that was the greatest joke i have ever heard. i think my father was hurt and he asked me whether that made me happy. i was like how does it matter at all whether you got invited or not. That is not the story though.

i asked my mother to go and give Da (brother, just like in bengali!) some money on my behalf as a wedding gift. My mother went 'OK'. Now, i called up after a few days and asked her whether she has done that. No. So i told her if she did not want to go there herself, she should ask my elder sister (who got invited, i think because she is married and maybe, they consider her no longer of our family..how silly!!). She said OK. Now i called up after a few days and asked the same question. No. Now, i am not a patient person but still, i held my peace. She said she would wait for my younger sister to come and let her do the needful. Thus pacified, i went on with my life.

i called up today and talked to my sister and asked her whether she went to Da's place. No. i really lost it then. i know how they feel snubbed and all that but i have been telling them not to drag me into their fights. i do want to be part of any feud weud. Da has always been so nice to me - like a big brother i never had. And i could not understand why their pride has to stand in the way of my wish. Judging that i was losing my infamous temper yet again, ema said she will make my elder sister go there tomorrow morning. i told her i don't like them and don't want to talk to them anymore. i know i am so cruel. But i just hate all these petty things. All i ask is not to be dragged into it. Is that too much to ask for? i have only one life to live and i don't want it to be cluttered with any more negative thoughts than is necessary. As it is, my head is already messed up with stupid existential questions and dreams.

My sister says i am an escapist because, as much as i love gossip, i hate hearing the stories of family feuds - this aunt saying that, doing this. It really gets me depressed because i cannot figure how why people has to be so petty to fight over land or money. i just cannot figure out how siblings can be cruel to each other, say hurtful things. i can never figure out the ways of this world. Hell, i cannot even figure out myself.

i am sad. And angry.