love and shoes

Suddenly, love overtakes me. On a Monday morning, that too!

i suspect that i am the kind who finds perverse pleasure in seeking troubled waters. When calm weather prevails, i feel the need to stir the waters to whip up a storm. i have stopped trying to understand the warped way my mind works – some things need to remain shrouded in mystery. i think i go out of my way to court trouble, just so to test if i can survive another one of life’s jokes. Sometimes i get tired of myself – of this constant need to ruminate on the purpose of life, of trying to figure out the meaning of my existence blah blah and more blah blah. Sometimes i wish to be ordinary – ordinary in the sense that i would be contend with what i have and long for whatever it is that other people long for – gold, house, car blah blah . In a way, i am unattached to most things – sometimes even the books i seemingly cannot survive without. i feel like a freak at times.

Now, you ask, where does love comes into this? Sometimes, i feel like i want to flee from love – the many atrocities it inflicts on hearts fickle enough to succumb to its charm. Sometimes, i don’t want to be loved or love –i just want to stare at some spot on the ceiling and pretend i am thinking when all my mind does is tune out everything and dance to some tune of its own.

And sometimes, i am overwhelmed by love – to love and love till i am purged of this feeling. Do we have a finite amount of love assigned to us – one day, we would find we are out of love? Sometimes, as i read and he sleeps with his arm thrown around me; when he reaches out for me in his sleep, i feel the love ooze out like lava from a long suppressed vent (i know, my metaphors are as warped as i!).

One such day is today. i was so overwhelmed with love that i polished his shoes for him – i don’t know who was more surprised – me or him.