Nearly the end

One more day to this year... But then,why do we make such a big deal... It is just one day after another...

Was sick again- I think my body is giving up. Puked and had fever. Then got up today for the health screening because I left it till the last moment and if I didn't do it before 31st, I will not be able to claim the 400 $. Went to CGH because they were the only people who had any slot left.

Off to Bali tomorrow for one week. How is that for ending and starting a year! I hope I get better tomorrow....I will be damned if i let this body ruin my travel plans...

Sad

I lay listless

On a bed made of thorns.

I shed tears of bitterness

That burns and scalds my cheeks.

I curl up into myself

And squash the dreams inside me.

I reach inside and strangulate

Each of my unborn dreams.

I sit up and scream

A silent scream he will never hear.

I cut up the bonds 

That have tied me down for so long.

I climb the highest tower

And with a smile 

I slowly spread my invisible tattered 

wings

And I fly....

Away from you...

Love

Love, someone said, is not made of stone

It had to be made and unmade like bread.

So we made our love 

into bread.

And, slice by slice, we ate it up.

Until crumbs are all that we have left.

???

OK, so we got invited to the birthday party of his friend's daughter. The time said 12. We arrived there at 12 and find we are the first person - the only person there was the girl's father!!! WTF? Indian standard time.

So here i am, sitting in a corner, nursing a headache and wondering when this would end -and  it has not even started yet...

Yesterday, we went to DTF for tda's birthday lunch. We love that place. Just because he did not want a cake, we got one!!! I did not have much of an appetite - k and the others kept pressing me to eat more. Which made want to scream .. I hate it when anyone does that.

The past few days, I have been going back to the past. Unwillingly. Memories of distant places and even more distant people kept flashing in and out. I know my defenses are down but I cannot take this anymore. I want to give up the elf for adoption and run away to the Himalayas loaded with books and grass. I still need to buy a iPad.

That or I want to become a street walker and sell my body and soul and anything that is left.

I think I am finally losing the plot.

Down down down

Down with god-knows-what... Worked from home for the second day but have to drag myself to office tomorrow because I want to wish T-da on his birthday and also because I might go mad wallowing in my misery.

C got the books - two haruki. I hope t-da likes them. 

I can hardly drag myself out of bed- I work in bed and then read just to get distracted. I was telling t-da I need to get stoned on LSD.. OD and found dead in bed. That sounds like a nice way to snuff out life.

We got paid our bonus - not as much as I would have liked but yeah, enough to make my hands not quiver when

I buy those expensive clay stuffs I am

getting obsessed about. Money. The things we do for it. The things we cannot do for the lack of it.

I have a wad of tissue stuck up my nose as it refuses to stop leaking. If only they sold nose napkin just like sanitary napkin. Maybe a nose tampon. Anything.

And I have this stupid cough which i hope does not end up in an asthma attack. I so don't need one right now. The fever is gone and so is much of the ache.

I realize I  am not a very nice person and I have made my peace with it. Maybe the world needs more un-nice peeps like me. I got the word peeps from t-da who I am very happy to say has been promoted!! On that happy note I will drop off to sleep induced by cough syrup. Give me LSD.