The Hungry Tide – this is the book i got for myself for my birthday. i have never read Amitav Ghosh before so i was a bit wary – maybe it is bit like trying out a new dish, you wonder whether the taste would suit you. And I was not disappointed.
The story is set in Sunderbans – the mangrove forest/swamp in West Bengal – a place i have been meaning to visit for a long time. The story revolves around Piyali – an Indian American cetologist who has come to Sunderbans to research on dolphins; Fokir – an illiterate fisherman and – oh great, i have forgotten the name of the third protagonist! The story really sucked me in – after a long time, i read something riveting enough not to discard after 100 pages! The Sunderbans came alive for me – and i am going to go there and see for myself the place he has so beautifully painted with his words.
Life has been – i don’t know whether it is the right word – peaceful. But i keep looking over my shoulders for storms that might be lurking in the lull. True to my bitchy character, i have been trying to pick fights with him. But thankfully, he does not take me up. He, on the other hand, has been, well, very loving. What is wrong with me? i should be enjoying life instead of wondering when the next storm will break. Oh hell, i must be the kind of sailor who loves to battle storms rather than float on still waters.
His BOSE fever has abated a bit – he is getting excited about the iPhone now that he can surf on it. So he goes click, click, click, click and click – much to my irritation when i am reading. Yah Allah! Free me from gadgets. The only feature i like on it is that i can sketch – i sketched a picture and made it his wallpaper. He insisted on clicking my pictures with it so he could set it as wallpaper– i am camera shy when i am wearing glasses (which is what i wear at home because i am blind without them glasses) so i resisted. Ultimately i made him click one picture wherein i pretended i was tearing my hair out in frustration! i look simply horrible, as i intended. And what i really am! Now every time i call him up, he will see me tearing my hair out!! What better way than that to remind him that, hell, i am frustrated. With him. And without him.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
my un-schooled auditory nerves
What is it about man and gadgets? Or is it just that i am too technologically challenged to appreciate anything apart from books? He went and bought himself a BOSE sound system for his birthday. He sheepishly asked me if it was OK (and that too, after buying it! What was i supposed to say - take it back to the store?) and that he has wanted it for so long. i gave him one of my indulgent smiles (well, he paid for it himself so why nag the guy??!). i think he was feeling guilty because it costs something around 13K (and i thought of the number of books i could have bought with that amount!).
He is very excited about it - and he wants me to be excited about it too which i find tough. Maybe it has something to do with my auditory nerves - maybe they are not developed enough for me to appreciate something so special like a BOSE speaker! i mean, OK, the music sounds better. But for me, i am more into the lyrics than the background sound. He keeps asking me to listen to the stereophonic effects, how pronounced they are now that we hear it through these special speakers. And i stare at him with this blank look. So he plays songs after songs and make me listen to them - i tried to escape saying i was cooking only to have him pull me back. Silly man! i only wish i could sharpen my acoustic nerves so i share his enthu . But it makes me happy to see him spill over with excitement over two small speakers!!
He is very excited about it - and he wants me to be excited about it too which i find tough. Maybe it has something to do with my auditory nerves - maybe they are not developed enough for me to appreciate something so special like a BOSE speaker! i mean, OK, the music sounds better. But for me, i am more into the lyrics than the background sound. He keeps asking me to listen to the stereophonic effects, how pronounced they are now that we hear it through these special speakers. And i stare at him with this blank look. So he plays songs after songs and make me listen to them - i tried to escape saying i was cooking only to have him pull me back. Silly man! i only wish i could sharpen my acoustic nerves so i share his enthu . But it makes me happy to see him spill over with excitement over two small speakers!!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
yes!!
It is the time of the year again when we get the letter which either make us weep in joy or sorrow - the increment letter. i am the kind who never complains about salary increment - maybe because i have always got more than i expected!
Today, i was handed two letters - i was expecting just the increment letter. The first one was the promotion letter - i am officially an Assistant Technical Consultant now. So ironic for someone who considers herself technologically challenged! And to top it, my salary got hiked by 23%! Yipee!!! This sure is a pleasant surprise.
We finally made up our minds about the flooring for the new place - we went for marble. And it made us poorer by about a lakh. i am undecided about whether to be excited about the prospect of moving in to the new nest. It would be about 30 minutes commute to the office. And there are no public transport in that area so i would have to either rely on him or buy myself a car. Plus it would be too far away from my place and i would not be able to meet my sister that often. And to add to it, we are undecided about whether we want to stay here or relocate to US - at least for some years.
But it would be our dream nest - it would have almost everything i want in a house - big kitchen and bathroom, a bathtub where i can drown him if he should step on my toes (Remember "Diabolique"?). i think i would have a tough but enjoyable time setting it up.
Today, i was handed two letters - i was expecting just the increment letter. The first one was the promotion letter - i am officially an Assistant Technical Consultant now. So ironic for someone who considers herself technologically challenged! And to top it, my salary got hiked by 23%! Yipee!!! This sure is a pleasant surprise.
We finally made up our minds about the flooring for the new place - we went for marble. And it made us poorer by about a lakh. i am undecided about whether to be excited about the prospect of moving in to the new nest. It would be about 30 minutes commute to the office. And there are no public transport in that area so i would have to either rely on him or buy myself a car. Plus it would be too far away from my place and i would not be able to meet my sister that often. And to add to it, we are undecided about whether we want to stay here or relocate to US - at least for some years.
But it would be our dream nest - it would have almost everything i want in a house - big kitchen and bathroom, a bathtub where i can drown him if he should step on my toes (Remember "Diabolique"?). i think i would have a tough but enjoyable time setting it up.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
b'day boy and the iPhone
It is his birthday today. And guess what i got him? Of course, the gadget that he has been eyeing for so long - the iPhone. So i paid through my nose to get him an unlocked 16GB (no less) iPhone off eBay. The things love makes you do - like spending a fortune on something i don't even care for. i mean, as long as i can talk and hear people on the phone, it would do. Which explains why i have the humblest model of Nokia. But then, if he wants it, i will get it. Gadgets don't turn me on.
Isn't it amusing how slowly the seconds seem to almost crawl when you are waiting for something? i stayed up till 12 to wish him. Keeping me company was Amitav Ghosh's "The hungry Tide". i waited and waited but the clock would not strike 12. i thought i would wake him at 11:30 or something. i was afraid i would doze off and find myself waking up in the morning. But i defeated both sleep and impatience and wished him at exactly 12 and handed him the iPhone. What happened after that is censored! Suffice to say that i am feeling sleepy in the middle of the day!
Happy birthday, honey.
Isn't it amusing how slowly the seconds seem to almost crawl when you are waiting for something? i stayed up till 12 to wish him. Keeping me company was Amitav Ghosh's "The hungry Tide". i waited and waited but the clock would not strike 12. i thought i would wake him at 11:30 or something. i was afraid i would doze off and find myself waking up in the morning. But i defeated both sleep and impatience and wished him at exactly 12 and handed him the iPhone. What happened after that is censored! Suffice to say that i am feeling sleepy in the middle of the day!
Happy birthday, honey.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
hell, i am smart!
As expected, our collective ego (SC's and mine) didn't get a beating at the quiz competition. i had decided to skip it because we got no response to my mail proposing our names for the quiz. SC tried to coax me to go but i decided to stay the stubborn pig i am. So there i was, reviewing somebody's answer when my big boss asked me whether we have given our names for the quiz and that they
were waiting for us. Shesh! Reluctantly, i had to go. i told SC that our goal should be to ensure that we don't end up with a zero on the scoreboard -- talk about lofty aims!
We started off OK. At least we were not the lagging team. i surprised myself by knowing the answers to questions i never knew existed. Such is the power of the sub-conscious mind. i mean, i am not even aware that my brain stores such miscellanou information. We would be asked a question. My mind would go completely blank for about 2 seconds. And then, i would answer as if in a trance and have the quizmaster go "That is absolutely the right answer". i think even SC was surprised at me shooting off answers. The questions were tricky ones.
We ended up tying for the first place and we had a tie break. And we lost! The tie-break question was pretty simple, now that i know the answer! "What is the connection between Vishal-Sekhar, Manish Malhotra, Bappi Lahiri and Usha Uthup?" i was like what connection? The other team got it right -Knight Riders! My sister was aghast that i didn't know the answer. She was like "You are so dumb". Thank you, behena. i have the slightest interest in IPL and all that crap.
And so we ended up as second best. And for all the hard work, i got a voucher of Rs.400 (my company is a poor one!) -- i am wondering which book to buy. It was fun just to kick ass and surprise everyone by being so knowledgable! Hee hee. i am tickled silly.
K took us out for lunch - his treat for buying a car. Good lord, i must be growing old because my stomach cannot tolerate rich food now. My digestive system is flawed, i think.
On a sweet note, SM went to the Book Release of Salman Rushdie's "Enchantress of Florence" (or whatever the new book is) and got the book autographed by the man himself - for me! Ain't that sweet?
were waiting for us. Shesh! Reluctantly, i had to go. i told SC that our goal should be to ensure that we don't end up with a zero on the scoreboard -- talk about lofty aims!
We started off OK. At least we were not the lagging team. i surprised myself by knowing the answers to questions i never knew existed. Such is the power of the sub-conscious mind. i mean, i am not even aware that my brain stores such miscellanou information. We would be asked a question. My mind would go completely blank for about 2 seconds. And then, i would answer as if in a trance and have the quizmaster go "That is absolutely the right answer". i think even SC was surprised at me shooting off answers. The questions were tricky ones.
We ended up tying for the first place and we had a tie break. And we lost! The tie-break question was pretty simple, now that i know the answer! "What is the connection between Vishal-Sekhar, Manish Malhotra, Bappi Lahiri and Usha Uthup?" i was like what connection? The other team got it right -Knight Riders! My sister was aghast that i didn't know the answer. She was like "You are so dumb". Thank you, behena. i have the slightest interest in IPL and all that crap.
And so we ended up as second best. And for all the hard work, i got a voucher of Rs.400 (my company is a poor one!) -- i am wondering which book to buy. It was fun just to kick ass and surprise everyone by being so knowledgable! Hee hee. i am tickled silly.
K took us out for lunch - his treat for buying a car. Good lord, i must be growing old because my stomach cannot tolerate rich food now. My digestive system is flawed, i think.
On a sweet note, SM went to the Book Release of Salman Rushdie's "Enchantress of Florence" (or whatever the new book is) and got the book autographed by the man himself - for me! Ain't that sweet?
Monday, June 16, 2008
monday thoughts
The weekend was good. Went shopping with my sister and, as usual, we ended up with a trolley full of things! Then went to Bachou’s place and stayed for dinner.
Had Emaibem’s haath ka khana which is something i always look forward to. She told me i was looking so thin – she even told me to take vitamins. My silly sister went “Oh, she is a size zero now” –hate Kareena for making this size so talked about. Which made me wonder whether i should really start worrying. All my dresses which fitted me to a T are now turning baggy. i am eating like before – i never think about calories when i gorge. So i cannot figure out where all the “maangso” (flesh) is going. If Ema sees me now, she is going to go ballistic.
Sunday was spent cleaning up the place. i cooked ilish maach after such a long time. It made me remember SM who used to cook ilish for me every chance he got because he knows i am so in love with this fish. He knows how fussy i am about food and whenever i am onsite, he takes it upon himself to make sure i eat properly. Even now, when he calls up he keeps telling me “Meye, bhalo kore khabi’ (Girl, eat well). i am really lucky to have friends like him.
SC and i have given our names for the Quiz event to be held this Friday in the office. We are two conceited creatures and i told him, we might as well participate and get our egos deflated if we lose or grow more conceited if we win! Hah!
Had Emaibem’s haath ka khana which is something i always look forward to. She told me i was looking so thin – she even told me to take vitamins. My silly sister went “Oh, she is a size zero now” –hate Kareena for making this size so talked about. Which made me wonder whether i should really start worrying. All my dresses which fitted me to a T are now turning baggy. i am eating like before – i never think about calories when i gorge. So i cannot figure out where all the “maangso” (flesh) is going. If Ema sees me now, she is going to go ballistic.
Sunday was spent cleaning up the place. i cooked ilish maach after such a long time. It made me remember SM who used to cook ilish for me every chance he got because he knows i am so in love with this fish. He knows how fussy i am about food and whenever i am onsite, he takes it upon himself to make sure i eat properly. Even now, when he calls up he keeps telling me “Meye, bhalo kore khabi’ (Girl, eat well). i am really lucky to have friends like him.
SC and i have given our names for the Quiz event to be held this Friday in the office. We are two conceited creatures and i told him, we might as well participate and get our egos deflated if we lose or grow more conceited if we win! Hah!
Friday, June 13, 2008
maudlin thoughts
i turned down SC’s offer of joining his team. It has partly to do with me not wanting to move out of my comfort zone and partly because i am so uncertain about the future and i don’t want him to be in a soup if i have to change the direction of my life tomorrow.
i think it is about time (more like past the time) for me and him to have a talk about what we want in life. If we find that we no longer share the same dreams, then it is time for us to untie the bonds, to uproot the love. And move on. There is much more to life than trying to get a relationship back on track.
i know how much easier for me it would to be to just hang on and go on with life. But i want more – i want to live. i want to see my dreams come true. i don’t want to live other people’s dreams but my own.
And i am so tired of my whining. i am so tired of knowing what i want and not trying to get it even when i know it is a touch away. i am so tired about thinking everyday i need a change and then going back to the same routine. What stops me from doing what i want – i do not lack money, or opportunities. Sometimes, i am tired of myself. For being this dinosaur waiting to be wiped out. ummm.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
--Anon
i think it is about time (more like past the time) for me and him to have a talk about what we want in life. If we find that we no longer share the same dreams, then it is time for us to untie the bonds, to uproot the love. And move on. There is much more to life than trying to get a relationship back on track.
i know how much easier for me it would to be to just hang on and go on with life. But i want more – i want to live. i want to see my dreams come true. i don’t want to live other people’s dreams but my own.
And i am so tired of my whining. i am so tired of knowing what i want and not trying to get it even when i know it is a touch away. i am so tired about thinking everyday i need a change and then going back to the same routine. What stops me from doing what i want – i do not lack money, or opportunities. Sometimes, i am tired of myself. For being this dinosaur waiting to be wiped out. ummm.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
--Anon
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
ek packet umeed (one packet of hope)
Watched this serial “Ek packet umeed” on NDTV and i actually liked it. My sister told me it was good and i decided to check it out. It is a respite from the really inane serials that i find myself watching these days – like the weepy Vidya/Divya, Kasturi and all those perpetually-soaked-in-tears females. Though i don’t know much about the storyline, it seems about a group of women in a shelter and their stories. Yesterday’s episode was about a woman being mistreated for dowry and how she gets rescued. This is one serial to watch out for. No rhona-dhona, no showing the characters in different shades hundred times.
i started this book titled “The last Kashmir Rose” – a whodunit story set in colonial India. This is one of the dozen books that SM sent for me – he bought them at 25 cents a book from the library. He knows i adore blood and gore story – me being inclined towards murder and all that. i only hope i can see it to the end. i could only complete some twenty pages yesterday night before i found the book reading me rather than me reading the book! i swear i am so low on energy these days.
At work, i am back to my “mentoring” the kids – which translates into me nagging them, demaning re-work till i am satisfied . SM says the quality of delivery from offshore suffers when i am not around – which is flattering. i always knew i was indispensable!!!
i started this book titled “The last Kashmir Rose” – a whodunit story set in colonial India. This is one of the dozen books that SM sent for me – he bought them at 25 cents a book from the library. He knows i adore blood and gore story – me being inclined towards murder and all that. i only hope i can see it to the end. i could only complete some twenty pages yesterday night before i found the book reading me rather than me reading the book! i swear i am so low on energy these days.
At work, i am back to my “mentoring” the kids – which translates into me nagging them, demaning re-work till i am satisfied . SM says the quality of delivery from offshore suffers when i am not around – which is flattering. i always knew i was indispensable!!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
random thoughts
For my birthday, my sister got me Jhumpa’s latest book (Unaccustomed Earth). i have read a few pages and i quite like it. These days, the books seem to pile up. i sample one, read some 100 pages then start another one. i think i am like in the middle of some 10 books. Maybe it shows my fickleness.
i got myself a book – gee, i don’t even remember the name. Or the guy who wrote it. i am losing it. i am so losing it.
Work is boring me. i need a change, lord. Maybe a gender change! My mother always used to tell me she was glad i was not a boy. Because she said she was so sure i would have done something horrible like taking to drugs, running away from home. i am happy being a girl – though sometimes i wish i had the freedom to do anything i want – like walk alone on a deserted road at night or hike alone without the fear of anyone molesting me.
My machine is being upgraded so i need to transfer all my data – some 10GB! P-da was amazed to know i have hoarded so much of data.
SM gave me the BBC’s Planet Earth Complete Series. i have not watched it yet but i think it would be really wonderful.
He gave me an orange-colored suit – if he has his way, he would clothe me in orange lingerie, paint my nails orange and make me wear orange shoes!! i don’t know how we ever thought that we would make a compatible pair – the only thing we have in common is that we have nothing in common!!
i like Rakhi Sawant. She is so loud and so irrelevant that it is a joy to watch her! You get so tired of watching people who are so prim and propah all the time.
i got myself a book – gee, i don’t even remember the name. Or the guy who wrote it. i am losing it. i am so losing it.
Work is boring me. i need a change, lord. Maybe a gender change! My mother always used to tell me she was glad i was not a boy. Because she said she was so sure i would have done something horrible like taking to drugs, running away from home. i am happy being a girl – though sometimes i wish i had the freedom to do anything i want – like walk alone on a deserted road at night or hike alone without the fear of anyone molesting me.
My machine is being upgraded so i need to transfer all my data – some 10GB! P-da was amazed to know i have hoarded so much of data.
SM gave me the BBC’s Planet Earth Complete Series. i have not watched it yet but i think it would be really wonderful.
He gave me an orange-colored suit – if he has his way, he would clothe me in orange lingerie, paint my nails orange and make me wear orange shoes!! i don’t know how we ever thought that we would make a compatible pair – the only thing we have in common is that we have nothing in common!!
i like Rakhi Sawant. She is so loud and so irrelevant that it is a joy to watch her! You get so tired of watching people who are so prim and propah all the time.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Have managed to come back with my sins intact! Took the early morning flight yesterday - had to wake up at 4:30. My throat feels like i have straw stuck in it and i have a stomach that seems to be not responding well to my return back to non-veg diet!
i feel like a ragged doll - maybe i am getting too old for travel. The trip was quite an experience. And all the darshan of the thousand gods and goddesses have not shaken my faith - i still remain a non-believer.
If i find the enthu, i will blog about the trip in detail.
Right now, all i want to do is wallow in a pond of sin, smoke grass and sin some more.
Now that everything is over, i need to get my life back on track. S has scheduled a meeting to try to win me over to his team - it feels good to be wanted so! i now have to decide whether i want to stay put here or grow wings and fly. i am so tired of the emotional roller-coaster i am in. i deserve so much more. And it hurts to see myself hesitating to take the final step. i thought i was stronger than this. But i am so scared of what this might do to my parents. It is at times like this that i wish i was just alone, with no soul to call my own. i am tired of getting hurt trying to stop my loved ones from getting hurt. i am selfish. i only wish i was more selfish.
My birthday came and went. And left me one year nearer to the end. What a depressing way to look at birthdays.
i feel like a ragged doll - maybe i am getting too old for travel. The trip was quite an experience. And all the darshan of the thousand gods and goddesses have not shaken my faith - i still remain a non-believer.
If i find the enthu, i will blog about the trip in detail.
Right now, all i want to do is wallow in a pond of sin, smoke grass and sin some more.
Now that everything is over, i need to get my life back on track. S has scheduled a meeting to try to win me over to his team - it feels good to be wanted so! i now have to decide whether i want to stay put here or grow wings and fly. i am so tired of the emotional roller-coaster i am in. i deserve so much more. And it hurts to see myself hesitating to take the final step. i thought i was stronger than this. But i am so scared of what this might do to my parents. It is at times like this that i wish i was just alone, with no soul to call my own. i am tired of getting hurt trying to stop my loved ones from getting hurt. i am selfish. i only wish i was more selfish.
My birthday came and went. And left me one year nearer to the end. What a depressing way to look at birthdays.
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