The beginning of the end

i read somewhere that you never know how you are really going to react until you are really in the situation. A bomb was dropped on me today - even in my worst nightmare, i had never imagined something like this would happen. It felt like something was ripped out of me - i don't know whether i am still in shock and how i am reacting is really how i am feeling. But i did read somewhere that when you are under the greatest strain, what comes out of you is what you are really made of. It is the beginning of the end of something i thought would last forever. But forever is i guess a long time. i guess if you really love someone, you want them to be happy - with or without you. And maybe that is all that counts. i would have liked some warning at least of the storm to come so i could have prepared myself.But maybe sometimes, what you need is to see yourself when you are least prepared. So that you know what you experience, how you react is the whole raw truth. i am scared, i feel numb. i feel like i have no idea what is going on. But, in all the numbness, what i feel is some sort of calm. Life goes on, it has to. Sometimes, things are not meant to be. Sometimes, when shit happens, all you need to do is not let the stink get to you. i hope for strength to be able to carry on, to forgive, to be able to be happy for him. This is the begininng of the end - and the end of a chapter. i choose to close with grace and dignity.