2nd day running

Busy day at office. Time flew by.

My father left some money - he wanted us to do something in my brother's memory. And I keep thinking of how to best do it. I don't like the idea of giving gold plated medals to supposedly meritorious students - I have those and I don't even appreciate them - but then I don't appreciate much in life. I wish I could start a home in my father's and rother's name but I would need more money and dedication than I can afford now . Which makes me sad - apart from traveling, one of my other dreams was to do something in the line of helping people less fortunate. But look at me - I am almost half past my shelf date and apart from material things, I have not achieved much in life. I am not talking career wise - he'll, I would be just as happy wiping tables in a dhaba. As I become older, I seem to get pessimistic or maybe I am more realistic now. Because I chose love over my dreams, I am tied down. Sometimes I wonder whether it has been worth it. I know love is supposed to mean everything but so many things that are supposed to be the way they are, are just not the way they should be. What does that mean?

I keep thinking of the path I have not taken and I keep thinking maybe all my dreams are there waiting for me on that path. Maybe they have given up by now. Maybe I have given up.