The art of staying alive

What is the art of staying alive? By that I don't mean just breathing, eating...I mean alive in the sense of knowing what you want, having a sense of direction...I am so fucking bored out of my mind these days- see, I even used the f word. I am that bored. I get no joy out of work - because I have nothing much to do. I should have taken a longer break but the client kept asking when I would join. Rather than not have a job, I joined. They pay me now for spending half the day gazing at the laptop with empty eyes. I would rather have work than sit idle. The minutes seem to crawl painfully slow.

The days are painfully similar, one day bleeding into the next. And half the year is gone even before I realized it.

I guess after some time you have to realize that there is no sense in life, no purpose. We are born, we will die and in between, if we are lucky we would have lived. What is the whole fucking point of earning and making my bank balance fat? Security for the future they say. What the hell! I don't even know whether I want to be alive tomorrow.

I am beginning to fade. Into the nothingness I came from. I don't find nothing much to look forward to because I see no sense in anything in life. Hormones? Phase of the moon? Or maybe I just became wiser.