ice ice baby

i think he knows that i would not take the first step this time around. He has been all sugar and honey. Even though i have been mono-syllabic. He tried to catch my attention by showing off the Morehgi torch that has a magnetic base and demonstrated it by sticking it to the microwave. And i remained very uninterested. He wanted me to cook pakora thonga but i told him i don’t know how and he should cook it himself (i really don’t know the recipe – other times, i would have called up home and asked ema). Any other day, he would have been “offended” by such “uncaring” behaviour but yesterday, he was like “Even i don’t know how” and left it at that.

i know he is trying hard to woo me again. He refuses to be irritated by my silence, my perfected-by-practice i-am-not-here look. He insists on talking to me even when all he gets in return is non-committal umms or a snobbish nod of the head. OK, i give it to him—he is persistent.

Since i believe in prolonging misery – especially when it is not me at the receiving end, i have managed to remain cold as an iceberg. i am such a spiteful creature at times that it amazes me no end. And pleases me too. Because being evil beats being good. If i were not aware of my lineage, I would have really thought i was the devil’s spawn.

And just so to remind myself that maybe i have a drop of goodness in me, i called up ema to ask for the recipe. This is exactly the reason why i am so much in love with myself – because i can never figure out what/who i am. And so i give myself the benefit of doubt and love myself. Do i even make sense? And do i even care?