the D word

After what seems like ages, i chatted with S. He is in India right now for his Visa. The last time we talked was last year when i visited the States. After that, we dropped out of each others' lives. This has always been the way with us - we can spend years not in touch and when we meet/chat again, it is like we have never been apart from each other. He is someone i like talking to because he is the one person who would always tell me the harsh truths.

He is someone who taught me that i do not have to accept everything; the one who made me feel that being stubborn and selfish is ok.

S told me his sister is getting divorced. Of course, my first reaction was "A divorce?!!". And then i told him how just typically middle class was my reaction. As if getting a divorce is a smear on one's character. He told me she tried and after 5 years of trying she decided she had enough. i admire her strength. Of having the courage to decide that enough is enough, that devoting 5 years of your life to a relationship does not mean that you have to endure it for a lifetime.

It takes guts to untie the knots, to unglue the memories, to undo the vows. It takes guts to walk away with your dignity intact.

And why is that people expect that once a woman gets married, she has to give up her dreams and live his and his family's dreams? Why is that they expect her to give the first priority to his parents before her own? i thought marriage was about building new ties, not about breaking old ties to foster new ties. Why is she expected to make all the sacrifices, all the compromises? Why is she supposed to merge her identity? Isn't marriage supposed to be a journey to be undertaken by two souls hand in hand, not a journey where the woman has to follow where the man leads?