sleepy thoughts

How is it that the person you thought you knew so well turns out so different? Maybe my perception was coloured by the rosy glasses i wore and now that they are off, i can things in the real light. Or maybe i just painted a picture of my own and took that for real. i don't know anymore.

Human relationships (human? what do you know of animals? you know i hate this smart ass voice that has to pop up its head everytime..god) are so confusing. When i was young, i thought you could fall in love just once --as if love was a bottomless pit from which you cannot get out once you fall in! But now, i know different. Tagore said :

My heart is not mine to give to one alone
It is given to the many

Why am i writing this crap? i don't know...i really don't.

i would be leaving this weekend. And with no regrets. i have to really pull up my socks (i almost typed knickers...what would that make me?) and plan about the future. i know all i have to do is ask to to get a long term onsite assignment and run away for good. Maybe one good thing about being good at what you do is that you can be demanding and get away with it. But that is another story. i am seriously considering SC's offer of joining his project and leaving this country for good. But then, i think about my parents and sisters. At least, over here, i know they are just an hour away. i thought i would never see the day when i say this but i miss California. Or maybe i miss my life over there - carefree, when i could do anything i wanted--jump out of a plane, play softball, dance...What stops you from doing things over here? Oh hell, shut up.

SN invited me over to Bangalore because she thought i was losing my head to think of ending it (not my life, the relationship). She is a sweetheart. i am glad to have friends who cares for me so much. i know i can call them up anytime and they would be there for me.

i am sleepy now.