Sometimes, i don't know how my bad moods are triggered, how these demons in me awaken. Sometimes, it takes nothing to make me angry with life, with everyone around me. i get angry with ema if she takes too long to answer my call, i do not respond if he asks me something - it is a wonder i have people still in my life. Maybe ties are difficult to break.
...so much to live for. And yet, i squander away my happiness, my life by insisting on being true to my moods, these dark, mind numbing streaks of thoughts that rain on e every now and then. Soaking me to the soul with misery. i wait for the sun to come out but when it does, all i can see is the dark clouds that would drift in after a bright spell.
the goodness in me, have i lost it all, spent away drop by drop trying to feed my demons to retreat? or do i find excuses just to justify the kind of mean bitch i am? the trouble with me is i am a drama queen who loves to wallow in the mud of self inflicted misery, who will tear open a joy to try to find the sorrow inside and cry foul if none is there, who is tainted with cynicism. Such a pity i love the bitch in me.
Monday, May 23, 2011
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