The rat in me....

The weather is depressing as ever. The trees look gaunt and gloomy - bare branches and twigs not even interested in swaying. It is warm and comfy inside with the heater cranked up. More snow is on the way they say. i love snow.

The class boycott is finally over. The agitators gave in without their demands being met - so you want to ask them what exactly made them give in. It surely was not love for the students - hell, they made them suffer for so many months. Did they get paid off? Don't get me wrong. i am happy it is finally over. But, you seethe at those bastards who burned schools, held the future of the thousands of children at ransom, at their fucking talks of 'life is more precious than education' and now, it seems money is more important than life. They are scum. And i hate the fact that we let them continue with their dirty games. We are a people past redemption. We have let these parasites suck all the goodness out of Manipur. It is just an empty shell now, waiting for the final collapse. Where else would you find such accommodating people like us who would not even manage a whimper against the atrocities committed on us by our own people?

This impotent rage, of knowing that no matter how much you rave and rant, spit and spew, curse and swear, beg and plead - nothing will save us. We just want to wallow in self-pity, wage wars against ourselves, sell our future to the highest bidder.

And, we like rats, will desert this sinking ship. We will transplant ourselves to foreign land, watch snow flakes dance, eat and drink and curse all and sundry. While our parents and family organise their lives around the schedule of power cuts and bandhs. We will call up long distance and hear their weary voices telling us they are going to bed early because the light has gone out again and the inverter has run low because there was no light yesterday too.

And this was the land where i grew up, happy and giggly. The land i left hoping to be back someday. But, the roots are drying up, the wings gathering dust in the corner. And i, i sip hot tea and watch snow flakes dance by the window while my motherland slowly chokes to death. i am a rat and i hate sinking ships. Am i any better than those i curse?