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Have not blogged for so long that i had even forgotten my password and had to recover it! Oh life and the challenges it throw at us. You want to ask why, why, why....and there is no answer...It is like the Budha asking the woman who wanted her son to be brought back to life to find a house that has not witnessed death. But, still you cannot help but wonder whether life is unfair.

i have no desire to be in touch with anyone, not even myself. Life is a haze right now, from one day to the next...and the hardest thing is that he is not here with me - at least it would have been nice to have a shoulder to lean on at times when life gets too much to bear.

Sometimes i just want to drift off...renounce everyone and everything and just float away on my own. Would it be nice not having any ties tying you down, no love to make you bleed ?

What is life? This pain i see, the sufferings ? Sometimes you just fail to see the whole point of life...Or maybe it is just me not able to see things for what they are...i don't know...i don't want to know....

i would like to drown in my own tears but knowing life i just might end up with a bloated stomach full of tears..whatever....

And i find i am angry with the whole world - how dare anyone be living and enjoying while i am not ? Why do i have to go through this baptism by fire every other year - of seeing a loved one fight a losing battle ? WHY ME? why me? why me? i am such a coward....and a whiner...and a loser...

And i am getting addicted to jalebis, of all things. i would have preferred lsd but jalebis are a fine subsitute...Did i mention that i am losing my mind? i also dyed my hair burgundy but the pity is only the grey ones picked up the colour so i have a crown of black and burgundy hair - the things people do to run away from misery. Next you will see me with my hair dyed pink.