Where does the road go from here?

We find ourselves, yet again, on another crossroad - you wonder how many crossroads there ought to be in one's life. Unsure about the future, about where our best interests lie.

i am getting old. i find i want to give my roots and suitcases a rest for a while. But, the gypsy-ness (i made up that word) in me still exists and i want to try new places, see new faces, make new enemies, taste new food. i am a confused bitch, if ever there was one.

What is they say about consoling oneself with the thought that whatever happens, happens for the best? Do they say the same in Haiti? Where are my thoughts leading to? Why do i digress like stray dogs (do dogs digress?)?

Anyway, here we are unsure, of what tomorrow will bring. Of course, some day i will look back and say 'oh, it all happened for the best'. A door slams in your face and we believe another one will open. We are so damn gullible! When a door slams shut, maybe all other doors follow suit. Maybe doors are like most human beings who will always follow the lead of the other. But maybe we will find a rogue door like myself that will force itself open just because others are shut. For that door we wait.

And i know i will never be able to handle disappointments gracefully. i will always sulk, for a while at least, before i gather my wits and think of other ways out. i believe i will sulk even after i am dead. If you see a sulking ghost, disappointed maybe with how people cried over my death or something silly like that, well, it would be my ghost.