....

Yesterday saw me crying--sometimes life gets too much for me to understand. All my dreams, my plans, my hopes seem to tether at the edge of an abyss and i am undecided whether i want to go down along with them or watch impotently from the edge.

Maybe i am over-reacting, as always. Or maybe this time, i know i have to take the final step. It is tough. Well, nobody said life was going to be easy. i know i am going to be my own if i should take this step - i know i have to battle emotional blackmails, those back bitings...But when i think of it, i know i would be better off alone. i am not made of the stuff they expect me to be - i cannot sacrifice my life to ensure others' happiness. i am selfish and i am not ashamed of it.

Right now, i am ready to let go. Let go of the many years of love, of hurt, of tears, of smiles, of togetherness. Maybe i will never find a love like this again. But i know i will be able to survive. Life cannot take away from me that desire to live, no matter how rough it treats me.

i think he realises that i am half-gone. Physically, i am present here but emotionally, i am light years away. If he chooses the path he is thinking of right now, i am not going to accompany him along it. That much i have decided. i don't care whether people call me a slut. i would rather be a slut than to blindly follow someone just because i happen to love him.

Too many people interfering with our lives. Too many people ready with unsolicited advices. i only hope he comes to his senses before he loses me for good.