10:15- Dinner is ready. Have not switched off the lights yet or locked the grill. But i can feel the tendrils of displeasure swaying in my mind. i have always hated waiting - for anyone, esp. him. i wait, the tendrils threaten to turn into branches that will soon flower and fill my mind with the fragrance of anger - does anger have a scent? Like lust?
i have never been an understanding person ever. i want the world to revolve around me. For things to start and end with me. But maybe life is that way. i mean, when you really think about it, the most important person in your life is you yourself. Maybe behind everything we do, self interest lurks. But right now, all i want is for him to come home. i will sharpen my nails in the meantime and maul him. Too bad we don't have an axe. But there is the saw. If you see a female in the news 'morrow accused of killing her man, know it is me.
Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. Count upto 29. Or 69. OK, i will not molest him tonight. i am the mistress of my emotions. so, irritation, anger, all you negative emotions, i banish you to the dark corner. Stay there and rot.
i am hungry.
i am sleepy.
Maybe i should just go off to sleep. And hope to wake up with a clean mind. Or maybe i should wait and get the dirty task done. i hope they will let me read books in jail. i hope they will let me blog too.
Or maybe i should just surprise him by jumping into his arms and raining kisses on him. Or maybe i could do a Sharan Stone, lure him into bed and seduce him, and when he least expect it--- oh, boy. i am turning criminal.
Intihaan ho gayi
Intezaar ki
Aayi nah koi khabar meri yaar ki
Bas humme yeh yakeen
Bewafaa ho nahin
Phir waza kya huwi
Intezaar ki...
----
Friday, July 04, 2008
passport and other worries
i have talked to a Passport agent today and he told me it would take 5 days to get the passport renewed through tatkal. And, i would have to fork out 7K for that! But - who said it was going to be easy - i would have to get a verification certificate as i don't have a Voter Id card (yes, you read that right! i am not entitled to cast my ballot!) or a ration card. This verification certificate has to be obtained from some high ranking officials specified in Annexure F! Hell! i have half a mind not to renew the passport.
SM and i bitched about the way they are trying to make me stay back here. i mean, the project. i am so flattered and all that they think my absence would make things tough. But, i cannot put my plans on hold just because of that. OK, i have a soft spot for the project. But, i am not going to be "guilt-ed" into staying back.
He has a delivery scheduled for this month end, he has been coming home late. When you consider the fact that we are in the same industry, you would think i would be understanding. But it gets my goat when he comes late. i have tried to curb my displeasure - i mean, who the hell would want to come back after a hard day at work to unwelcoming arms? So i read books - and gaze at the clock and resist the desire to call him up and nag him. And i read some more. And resist looking at the clock. And i read some more and i turn off the lights just to make him think i have not come back home! And for good measure, i lock the grill making it appear as if no-one is home. And when he finally comes home, i pretend not to hear the bell. i am such a bitch! You would wonder why this guy loves me.
OK, as a week-ending resolve, i will try not to lose it tonight - the temper, i mean. i will prepare something nice for dinner and wait up for him. i will not turn off the lights or lock the grill. i shall open the door and welcome him home. If only my actions reflected my thoughts! If only..
We would go hunting for a suitable bath-tub this weekend. Plus i need to buy shoes and a belt (my waist being the size it is now, my pants threaten to slither off. The last time i owned a belt was in the last century. You can imagine how fashion-conscious i am!!) plus some more books. Coming to books, i seem to be back in the groove. i can read them till the last page. So my side of the bed is not strewn with half-read books now. Just the one i am reading right now. Hail the god of books!
i have been trying to get my mother to get a domestic help. Back home, it is tough to find help given that everyone does their own chores. She has been giving me excuses after excuses - why hire someone when there is so little work around - and all that. i finally gave her an ultimatum - find a help or else i will call up and nag you every single day of the year. My mother does not seem to like the idea of me calling up everyday so finally i heard the happy news that someone has been found who meets her "requirements". Thank god for small mercies. She is not getting any younger and i hate the thought of Ema and Baba on their own, doing all the chores. They would not come over here - the weather is too hot; it is suffocating staying in a flat...i have to beg, nag, threaten to disown them before they agree to come over for a few weeks. Parents are such kids.
SM and i bitched about the way they are trying to make me stay back here. i mean, the project. i am so flattered and all that they think my absence would make things tough. But, i cannot put my plans on hold just because of that. OK, i have a soft spot for the project. But, i am not going to be "guilt-ed" into staying back.
He has a delivery scheduled for this month end, he has been coming home late. When you consider the fact that we are in the same industry, you would think i would be understanding. But it gets my goat when he comes late. i have tried to curb my displeasure - i mean, who the hell would want to come back after a hard day at work to unwelcoming arms? So i read books - and gaze at the clock and resist the desire to call him up and nag him. And i read some more. And resist looking at the clock. And i read some more and i turn off the lights just to make him think i have not come back home! And for good measure, i lock the grill making it appear as if no-one is home. And when he finally comes home, i pretend not to hear the bell. i am such a bitch! You would wonder why this guy loves me.
OK, as a week-ending resolve, i will try not to lose it tonight - the temper, i mean. i will prepare something nice for dinner and wait up for him. i will not turn off the lights or lock the grill. i shall open the door and welcome him home. If only my actions reflected my thoughts! If only..
We would go hunting for a suitable bath-tub this weekend. Plus i need to buy shoes and a belt (my waist being the size it is now, my pants threaten to slither off. The last time i owned a belt was in the last century. You can imagine how fashion-conscious i am!!) plus some more books. Coming to books, i seem to be back in the groove. i can read them till the last page. So my side of the bed is not strewn with half-read books now. Just the one i am reading right now. Hail the god of books!
i have been trying to get my mother to get a domestic help. Back home, it is tough to find help given that everyone does their own chores. She has been giving me excuses after excuses - why hire someone when there is so little work around - and all that. i finally gave her an ultimatum - find a help or else i will call up and nag you every single day of the year. My mother does not seem to like the idea of me calling up everyday so finally i heard the happy news that someone has been found who meets her "requirements". Thank god for small mercies. She is not getting any younger and i hate the thought of Ema and Baba on their own, doing all the chores. They would not come over here - the weather is too hot; it is suffocating staying in a flat...i have to beg, nag, threaten to disown them before they agree to come over for a few weeks. Parents are such kids.
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