For the first time since the drama unfolded, i am alone - without the need to appear cheerful. And maybe now, the real emotions will surface. Or maybe i have stopped caring. I have a bad cold i brought back with me so using that as an excuse to lie in bed, marinating with my thoughts.
Maybe i just need to take long, deep breaths and listen to some heartbreak songs, cry some buckets of tears and close this chapter and move on. If i was really honest with myself, maybe i would admit to myself that this is for the best. Left on my own, i would not have ever had the guts to cut the strings, scared i would bleed. So maybe he did me a favour.
So maybe it is time to dust the dust off my dreams that i had packed away, thinking i would never see them again -the dreams i forsook because i thought he was worth more than all the dreams i could dream of. The road ahead will be rough for sure. But then, nobody said life was going to be easy.
So maybe i will chop off my tresses, colour it pink or mauve or whatever, maybe i will take up kickboxing and kick the shit out of life……maybe i will start drinking…maybe i will pack the bags and move away to someplace forsaken…
Or maybe i will just lie in bed and alternate between dreaming and shedding tears…so many possibilities, so many ways this could end but only one me.
