domestic violence...

This is a topic i have been meaning to write about for a long time but somehow, never got around to it. Do you know that Manipur is among the top ten States in India with the highest incidence of domestic violence against women?

Domestic violence occurs "when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another". It could be physical violence (you know, a well aimed kick or a smack across the cheek or marital rape); it could be psychological like putting down someone, humiliating them in front of others, eroding their self respect till they come to believe they are no good.

In our society, we women have been taught from our childhood that our freedom is limited. As a child, i had "well-meaning" neighbours telling me girls should not whistle, should not do something so very unfeminine like climbing trees (and i am glad i learned how to whistle, how to climb trees - i still whistle and climb trees). So many dos and don'ts. "Good girls" don't laugh out loud. Good girls don't do this. Good girls don't do that..Shackled mind, shackled life. If you look around, you see them - wives, mothers, sisters, daughters - cowering in fear. Batterred.

Haven't we, at one point or the other, been a witness to this - a husband "punishing" his wife for disrespcting him, his family? Haven't we heard a man putting down his wife, belittling her? What is this all about? i think it is about control - the desire to control another human being. Maybe the men who indulge in this have low self esteem -they need to prove their "manhood" by lording over hapless women.

And why do women take it? Why don't they fight back? If you ask around, the most common answer is that they do it for their children, because they don't want them to be victims of a broken family. So they put up with whatever is meted out to them, all in the name of the "family peace". Some of them are financially dependent on their husbands and they don't have anyone to turn to. i guess it would be daunting to think of starting a new life when you don't have anything to fall back on. But then, even women who are financially independent put up with this. i know it is easy for me to say this, but god, i wish they would fight back for their dignity.

Surprisingly, accordingly to a study, about three out of five Indian women agrees thinks wife beating is justified! Talk about women being women's worst enemy.

And if you thought this was only prevalent in "third-world countries", you have another think coming. i saw this porgramme on one of the channels here about a women who was abused by her husband - an attractive women with a successful career...not the kind of victim you would envision. The husband even got their teenaged son to videotape him hitting her, calling her a slut. It was so painful to see her cowering, begging him.

i don't care if i have to live the rest of my life without a man, but if my guy were to raise his hand against me, god, i will be out of his life before he can say 'sorry'. i will be damned if i ever let myself be a victim of any man's ego building.

i think it is time we said 'enough', time to stop being silent witnesses. It is time we walk unfettered. God knows, we deserve it. There is no excuse for abuse.

And guys, hey, it is not manly to hit women, ever!

"Real men don't use violence"