bent--again

This is what is playing on my iPod right now as i desperately try to meet the deadline - my code refuses to compile - what fun! Still i sing along, oblivious to the dark waters lapping at my toes. Just a matter of days before i drown -- and this song would be on my cold blue lips:

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces

Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

----matchbox 20 's bent

i love this song - everytime i hear it, i have to sing along. And play it over and over and over again....till my senses get saturated...

duniya kare saawal....

duniya kare saawal
toh hum kya jawab de
tum ko na ho khayal toh
hum kya jawab de

pooche koyi ke dil ko kaha chod aaye he
kis kise apna rishta ye jaan tod aaye he
muskil ho aarze haal
toh hum kya jawab de
tum ko na ho khayal toh
hum kya jawab de

pooche koyi ke dard e waafa kaun de gaya
raaton ko jaagne ki saja kaun de gaya
kehene se ho malal toh
hum kya jawab de
tum ko nah ho khayal toh
hum kya jawab de

happy....

i am happy – after a long time, i am smiling, from a place deep inside. i am happy because, once again, i have discovered that i still have the courage to face trouble with grace, without buckling under. One by one, you will see, i will conquer all of these troubles infesting my life. One step at a time, i will learn to be steady on my feet. One smile at a time, i will make my life beautiful, the way it is meant to be.

i am proud of myself – for not crumbling into tears or worrying myself to death, for being practical, for having the courage to stand true to my beliefs. i love myself.

i am a bitch..i am an angel....?

My sis says i am insensitive to people's feelings - most of the people who know me well will vouch for this! My sense of humpour can be cruel at times and i am so good at picking the touchiest nerve to pinch!

When i reflect on myself i find i am a confusing mixture of evil and goodness - the evil outweighs the goodness in me though. Sometimes it scares me how manipulative i can be. And that i can be very cold-headed when it comes to facing troubles. Is because i don't have the tiny voice inside me called conscience? Whatever it is i like myself for being not too hard on myself when i make mistakes.

Who am i really?

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

---meredith brooks'bitch

My friends said this song was written for me.

playing in my mind...

Dil ke armaan ansoonwo me bahe gaye
Hum wafaa karke bhi tanha rahe gaye

Sayed unki akhri ho ye sitaam
Haar sitaam unke yeh soch ke sahe gaye

---roughly translated

All my heart’s desires have been washed away by my tears
i remain alone inspite of being faithful;

Thinking this might be his last fault (does sitaam mean fault or torture?)
i have tolerated all his faults