love and longing on an april night

i am chatting with him in the middle of the night (middle of the day for him). We are talking about going to Peru for a holiday-machu picchu-the lost city of the Incas. Hopefully we can make the trip this year. If we can afford it, that is.

i do miss him - though i try not to. It is no fun wallowing in pools of sad emotions so i try my best to get a life without him. It is not that i am unhappy or that joy has flown out of my life - i have my lovely sister for company and my friends in the office. But i do miss life with him - a different kind of companionship and joy. i miss the innumerous fights, well, lovers' tiffs - and the making up which makes all fights bearable. We are two very different personalities- as similar as chalk and cheese can be- and that results in lotsa sparks in the air (and elsewhere too!). i think we complete each other. i sure would not want to be with someone just like me!

chicken soup and the stomach

As i type this, i am nursing an upset stomach, which i suspect could have been the mushroom in the soup i had today. Or was it the lamb? i had ordered chicken clear soup, which so happens to be my favourite soup because it seems so clear-headed compared to the other soups (think of cloudy sweet-corn soup). What was served to me was anything but clear – it had broccoli (which i cannot stand), noodles, carrot and exactly three pieces of chicken (i know because i was playing hide-and-seek with them). In the name of experimentation i decided not to forego it and had the chicken and whatever I could drain out of that miniature-kitchen-garden-like soup.

The occasion was yet another project lunch. i am tired of going out for lunch now. i think my stomach cannot take it anymore.

Keeping upset gastric thoughts aside, the trip might materialize after all. And blogging on an upset stomach is no fun. Period.

racism....

My first exposure to it was in my first year at college. Till then racism was something i connected to South Africa (apartheid, remember?). i was shocked that people should treat me differently because i look different. i mean, how can you measure intelligence by the size/shape of your eyes? My illusion of this world being perfect shattered then. Anyway, it had to shatter someday… In college, in the initial years, we used to be in this “north-east group” – you know something like bird of the same feather flocking together. There we were, facing more or less the same problem, of trying to adjust to a new place without loved ones, of trying to make yourself understood and trying to understand. Maybe that is what bound the group for the initial years.

And then, inevitably, i made new friends, discovered new passions and was ready to leave the nest and try out my wings. The realization that what people think of you does not change/reflect what you are inside made/makes me less bitter whenever i encounter unpleasantness in the form of ignorant people. That coupled with the knowledge that i am no less a person than anyone with a beaked nose. Oops, that was mean of me!

Of course, i do face those inevitable moments when people on the street pass inane comments but it leaves me indifferent rather than flustered. i don’t see any reason to lose my cool because people are ignorant. Of course, when the need arise, i have deigned to clear their ignorance. Like in my campus interview, the recruiter from one of the country’s biggest IT firm went on about how the people in Manipur are ‘fast’ (and from his expressions, he didn’t mean it in a complimentary way) and that got me because i had not expected that from someone supposedly educated. So i gave it back to him good, surprising him (and myself too, i guess). Just in case you are curious, i did get the job offer, much to my surprise.

More on this next time.

escapades....

Am planning for a trip to either Darjeeling or Sikkim with my sisters. But looks like it is doomed because i cannot get any ticket! It serves us right for not planning beforehand. Trying to explore other options like going by bus but not too sure whether my sister will say yes to it.

Embarrassed to admit this but i have not done much traveling within India. Would love to visit Kerala and Leh.

i miss our weekend escapades – those on-the-spur-of-the-moment trips. We used to step off the train and go hunting for hotels, lugging our luggage along – which was fun actually. i am not a fan of guided tours. It does not give you the freedom to explore on your own. i remember a trip where we got down halfway on our way back to the hotel because we espied a nice hillock – we hiked up and had a wonderful time. It was desolate and lovely. And we could not find any vehicle to take us back and we had to walk all the way to the hotel. It was drizzling and there was such an air of freedom and abandon around me. We have done many crazy things together – like hiking up all the way to the top of a mountain taking a shortcut. We got lost so many times and ended up getting exasperated with each other!

We were once got caught unaware by a high tide and had to wade in waist deep water to get back to safety. That was particularly risky because i didn’t know how to swim then. And no, i didn’t panic and cling to him! i think i was more worried about not getting my camera wet than a watery end to our existence!

i would love to hitch-hike through Europe. i have always been fascinated by the concept of a working vacation. i would like to earn my way through the world, doing all kinds of job- waiting on tables, working on a farm, even breaking stones in a quarry ..anything. Not for me the organized tours and cruises.

i live for that day – when i would be watching the aurora borealis, when i would be breaking bread with the nomads in Sahara……..Tell me, can a soul crumple under too many dreams?

Doors and a messy bed

At long last, i have roused myself from my perpetual state of faineancy and have started painting the doors. So the door to my room has a coy Japanese maid (to contrast with the inhabitant inside), the main door has a picture of red flowers blooming on black branches. My sister’s room has 2 doors – one with a little mermaid on one side and flowers on the other side. i have yet to decide the design for the other one – am thinking of Cinderella on one side. i have yet to give the finishing touch. If i might say so myself, the paintings have turned out good. i might post pictures if i am in the mood to share.

Ok, books – I have gotten into this nasty habit of starting a book, leaving it halfway and then starting on another…right now, I am in the middle of three books – Catch 22 and god help me, i cannot remember the titles of the other two. The end result is that my bed is piling up with books and the odds and ends that somehow seem to be attracted to my bed. i even have my digital camera under my pillow, my passport, an album of photos. i think I am the messiest person around. My siblings are all goddesses of cleanliness. Maybe my only saving grace is that when i decide to go on a cleaning spree, which is rare, i manage to do a good job.

Old friends and lunch

Squeezed some time off for a delightful lunch with a former colleague and two of my “current” colleagues. Life has been so bloody busy lately that i cannot even take time to pluck my thoughts and preserve them for posterity. So my poor thoughts ripen and fall without me taking no note of them. Sigh. Anyway, we went to this new place (at least new to me cause i have never been there before) and we had a swell time. We were laughing so hard that the other diners were staring at us.

The training is over (thank god) but the workload has multiplied. i have to oversee the deliverables – nag kids to buck up and work, review answers, code etc etc. On top of that, we had our half yearly appraisal and we had to sit down with the juniors and grade them. But, strangely, i have not yet blown my top. Oh yes, sometimes i am sarcastic, especially when dealing with kids who repeat the same mistake again and again. Maybe the root of the problem is that the juniors think that they can get away with murder just because it is such a cool project. You know, where everyone is on friendly terms – more like a college atmosphere. But you have to draw the line somewhere. There is a time for work and a time for play. And i am drumming that into their heads. i have realized that i am a hard task mistress. The kids are kinda scared of me (imagine, they are like double my size!) because i have a sharp tongue and a sharper mind (couldn’t resist that!).

no time to indulge myself

Life has been a bit hectic lately. To upgrade our skill-set (oh yeah), we have been playing students. For a change, it is nice to be on the other side of the fence. We have been having a heck of a time getting bored and firing questions. So many things to share and so less time. Hoping that life would grant me a respite so i could harvest my thoughts.