salaam misery

i feel utterly miserable with life. So many things going wrong at the same time. Enough to make my smile fade. Who the hell cares whether there is a silver lining - when the cloud is dark, who is going to smile thinking of some silver lining or whatever.

i am not so strong that i can weather all storms at one go. But hell, when has that ever stopped life from treating you wrong? Right now, i feel like i have fallen flat on my face - and i just can't seem to bring myself up. So melodramatic!

i feel like wallowing in this pool of misery for some time - just so to see how much i can take before i start getting sick of being miserable. There must be a limit to misery. i want to see how far it can drag me down before i start kicking misery in its ugly face. i am so sadistic.

And the deadlines are piling up - i have about a thousand maintenance fixes and the development thingy all scheduled for the end of this month. My pm did ask me whether i would like some of the burden lifted off my tiny shoulders - but me being the proud bitch refused to even give it a thought. i thought i might as well face everything by myself and die in the process.

So much troubles bugging such a tiny soul. Will i get crushed under life's challenges? Or will i rise again like the phoenix and prove to myself once again that nothing can keep me down - nothing except maybe death?

Maybe i am getting addicted to misery. There is something about being miserable – whatever am i talking about?? i better get back to my coding and being miserable. To misery!