adieu CA

My last night here - my last night alone. And i am feeling morose. For the past two months, this room has been my sanctuary. And even though it is but a hotel room, hell, i can't help but feel blue. i think it is because i have really loved staying alone by myself. This is not the first time i have stayed in this hotel but somehow, this time it seems different. Is it the knowledge that maybe i will never have the chance to be alone again - that i will always be surronded by people? This visit has been different, tinged with a bit of guilt for leaving him alone and the thought that this could have been so different. This visit has shown me that , yes, i still love being a loner - that i love my own company -maybe too much for my own good!

S has started the packing for me. i don't know what i would do without him. Still not done with the shopping. Have the whole day tomorrow for picking up the knick knacks. Gave away all my candles to S - he is probably the only one who loves them more than i do. Have tons of stuffs to leave behind - i can start another life over here even if i come empty handed next time! S's apartment has become my dumping ground.

i will miss this place - i will miss the morning tea-time adda, lunch with S and M-da, the bitching sessions. But i know after a few days i will get used to life back home. My sister is right - my life is scattered over too many places...

To soothe my blues a bit, the clouds parted a little. i was supposed to go meet the client-manager to say bye. But she had already left for the day by the time i got around to it. So i called her up and she told me that the higher management has been really impressed with my notes and work and if i am ever interested to come here permanently, they would love to have me here! oh gee, i am so flattered! And it makes it even better because i know she is not an easy person to impress - not that i have tried. Maybe that is the secret to impressing people - never try to impress them. i guess i treat her like i treat everyone else - with a little bit of sarcasm.

Will sleep in this bed for the last time in my life-- i hope to have sweet dreams and hope that this won't be the last bed i sleep in.