Sometimes, it is difficult to decide what is the right thing to do. i have been plagued by my conscience - yes, i do have one, thank you - and i was so undecided about what to do. In the end, i did what i felt was right and maybe threw away a chance. But when you think about it, chances will come and go, but sleeping well at night, without your conscience nudging and poking you is well worth it.
i don't know where i am now - i am so satisfied with what i don't have that it scares me sometimes. Maybe that is what they call being laidback. Sometimes, nothing matters to me - i don't care that i don't have a job and sometimes, a voice inside me says i am wasting my life away. The problem with me is that i adjust too quickly to whatever that comes my way. So if tomorrow sees me wearing tatters and without a penny to my name, i guess you would still see me smile.
Sometimes i make decisions which no sane person would make and let life take me down a path that is uncharted. Leaving behind familiar faces and places is tough. Even tougher is getting familiar with yourself and the face that stares at you back in the mirror.
My mother always did say i will end up either being famous or mad!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
susan boyle -- she has got talent!
She is supposedly the talk of the town right now. Her audition has been viewed some million times over on youtoube.
We watched her audition on TV - for the want of anything better to do, we were watching that particular episode of Britain got talent. It is a funny show - you get to watch some pretty weird characters - there was this fat woman who danced topless (and she got through!! talk about assets doing the trick!), an indian guy who blew up and burst a hot water balloon and dragged a truck with his ear....it is an endless parade of people who think they have got some extra-ordinary talent.
When she came on, we were like what will she be doing. Frizzy haired, ordinary looking. The audience did not take to her well - when she said she wanted to sing like Alan Paige, i believe people snickered. And then she opened her mouth to sing and like they say, history was created. When she sang, he and i looked at each other and giggled because we were not expecting such a performance. Umm, talk about judging a book by its cover.
Yeah, she can sing for her suppper. And what a supper it would be.
We watched her audition on TV - for the want of anything better to do, we were watching that particular episode of Britain got talent. It is a funny show - you get to watch some pretty weird characters - there was this fat woman who danced topless (and she got through!! talk about assets doing the trick!), an indian guy who blew up and burst a hot water balloon and dragged a truck with his ear....it is an endless parade of people who think they have got some extra-ordinary talent.
When she came on, we were like what will she be doing. Frizzy haired, ordinary looking. The audience did not take to her well - when she said she wanted to sing like Alan Paige, i believe people snickered. And then she opened her mouth to sing and like they say, history was created. When she sang, he and i looked at each other and giggled because we were not expecting such a performance. Umm, talk about judging a book by its cover.
Yeah, she can sing for her suppper. And what a supper it would be.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Amon ekta jhinuk....
i remember hearing this song the first time in my hostel room. It was one of S-di's fave gaan. And those were the days when the only bengali sentences/phrases i could speak was "bhat dao, dal dao, maach dao"! Even though i could not understand the lyrics, something about the song drew me to it.
Now, years later, i suddenly remembered this song, dug it up from the spidery web and discovered i still love it. This is the only song of Nirmala Mishra i have heard. i keep listening and singing along with it - trying to find that elusive oyster that has a pearl...
Amon ekta jhinuk khuje pelamna
Jate mukto ache
Amon kono manush khuje pelam na
Jar mon ache...
Shune gelam anek kotha
Anek golpo anek kotha
Amon ekti kotha khuje pelamna
Jate shotii ache
Pothe shudhu poth haralam
Niruddeshe gelamna
Bhalobasha anek pelam
bhalobasha pelamna...
Sapna anek gelam dekhe
Rod brishti namlo chokhe
Amon ekta asha khuje pelamna
Jar onto ache
Now, years later, i suddenly remembered this song, dug it up from the spidery web and discovered i still love it. This is the only song of Nirmala Mishra i have heard. i keep listening and singing along with it - trying to find that elusive oyster that has a pearl...
Amon ekta jhinuk khuje pelamna
Jate mukto ache
Amon kono manush khuje pelam na
Jar mon ache...
Shune gelam anek kotha
Anek golpo anek kotha
Amon ekti kotha khuje pelamna
Jate shotii ache
Pothe shudhu poth haralam
Niruddeshe gelamna
Bhalobasha anek pelam
bhalobasha pelamna...
Sapna anek gelam dekhe
Rod brishti namlo chokhe
Amon ekta asha khuje pelamna
Jar onto ache
Saturday, April 11, 2009
chinatown
It was a long, long weekend for him - i have a permanent long weekend! - and we decided to go visit chinatown. We woke up to a gloomy morning - it was drizzling. Surprising, i didn't behave like my usual self and hide under the blanket. i guess i was getting too tired of being inside the house and permanently attached to the bed!
So we braved the silly weather and went hunting for chinatown. My intentions were more culinary than touristy - i wanted to see if i could lay my hands on mustard leaves and chives and generally check out if i could recognise half of the things on display - which is one thing i love doing when i go to oriental stores.
So there we were, searching for this shop i saw on the net. Eagle-eyed creatures as we both are, we passed by it without noticing it, walked the whole length of chinatown (thank god, it was not big or i would have died) and came back to square one only to find the shop there!
i was over the moon to find so many vegetables and herbs from back home - ekaithabi (water weed), tenou maanbi (winged beans), awa phadigom, hanggam (mustard)...i was so excited, like a kid in a candy shop. After i circled the shop some 10 times, he had to drag me away! We bought veggies and duck - my favourite meat. Then we went for lunch at this chinese restuarant where they had peking ducks hanging in a row on the display window along with a squid. He wanted to have peking duck - i, the supposedly adventurous one, wanted to stick to fried rice. In the end, we had both. i didn't like the peking duck - it was bland. i was supposed to have it wrapped in the pancakes along with spring onion, cucumber and a sinister looking sauce. i got scared of the sauce, foregoed the duck and ended up eating all the cucumber strips!
So we braved the silly weather and went hunting for chinatown. My intentions were more culinary than touristy - i wanted to see if i could lay my hands on mustard leaves and chives and generally check out if i could recognise half of the things on display - which is one thing i love doing when i go to oriental stores.
So there we were, searching for this shop i saw on the net. Eagle-eyed creatures as we both are, we passed by it without noticing it, walked the whole length of chinatown (thank god, it was not big or i would have died) and came back to square one only to find the shop there!
i was over the moon to find so many vegetables and herbs from back home - ekaithabi (water weed), tenou maanbi (winged beans), awa phadigom, hanggam (mustard)...i was so excited, like a kid in a candy shop. After i circled the shop some 10 times, he had to drag me away! We bought veggies and duck - my favourite meat. Then we went for lunch at this chinese restuarant where they had peking ducks hanging in a row on the display window along with a squid. He wanted to have peking duck - i, the supposedly adventurous one, wanted to stick to fried rice. In the end, we had both. i didn't like the peking duck - it was bland. i was supposed to have it wrapped in the pancakes along with spring onion, cucumber and a sinister looking sauce. i got scared of the sauce, foregoed the duck and ended up eating all the cucumber strips!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
A beautiful mind
The other day, they showed this movie on TV. I have read the book, thanks to Babachou who is my guide when it comes to books, and i quite enjoyed it. Somehow, movie adaptations of books always leave me cold and the fact that Russel Crowe played John Nash in the movie did nothing to entice me to watch it. He somehow did not seem capable of playing a schizophrenic Mathematician after watching him in Gladiator - ok, unfair because i only managed to stand 5 minutes of that film because it was gory.
Anyway, he wanted to watch it. He, to balance this relationship i suppose, does not like reading. He is the type who would download audio or video tapes just to save himself the trouble of reading! And i am the kind who would rather hug a book to sleep (or death).
OK, where was i? OK, the movie. It was a late night movie and since nothing interesting was there on the other channels worth fighting for the remote, we watched it. i, for a change, was nice enough to watch it along with him because i know it is no fun watching movies on your own - at least i don't enjoy watching movies alone. So kind of me. i really can be an angel at times!
And i actually ended up liking the movie. Maybe because i don't remember much of the book version!! Schizophrenia is such a frightening disease. Imagine conjuring up people and thinking they were real, when you cannot separate the real world from the imaginary, when you see non-existent things and people. Given the illusional/delusional world i sometimes inhibit, i believe i am an ideal candidate for it. i got spared somehow. Or maybe i just went beyond it and came out clean on the other side. One of the symptoms is loss of train of thoughts. My thinking process always keep getting derailed, or rather it branches off in myraid directions till i lose track of the original thought. hmmm...
Anyway, he wanted to watch it. He, to balance this relationship i suppose, does not like reading. He is the type who would download audio or video tapes just to save himself the trouble of reading! And i am the kind who would rather hug a book to sleep (or death).
OK, where was i? OK, the movie. It was a late night movie and since nothing interesting was there on the other channels worth fighting for the remote, we watched it. i, for a change, was nice enough to watch it along with him because i know it is no fun watching movies on your own - at least i don't enjoy watching movies alone. So kind of me. i really can be an angel at times!
And i actually ended up liking the movie. Maybe because i don't remember much of the book version!! Schizophrenia is such a frightening disease. Imagine conjuring up people and thinking they were real, when you cannot separate the real world from the imaginary, when you see non-existent things and people. Given the illusional/delusional world i sometimes inhibit, i believe i am an ideal candidate for it. i got spared somehow. Or maybe i just went beyond it and came out clean on the other side. One of the symptoms is loss of train of thoughts. My thinking process always keep getting derailed, or rather it branches off in myraid directions till i lose track of the original thought. hmmm...
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