not made of steel

i still miss my man – but my aim is getting better. This is the book i am reading now. It was the title that caught my fancy. It is by Sarah something. Halfway through. Not something that is compelling enough to make me finish it in one go but entertaining nonetheless.

Today is dhanteras – not that i care much about festivals. But his mother wants us to buy something “shiny”. So we have decided to buy a steel dabba(container) - of all things! There is this place called Steel Junction (Tata Steel’s). i had my eye on it for quite some time now but never got a chance to go there. We have decided to go there, pick up something shiny and eat out! A relief because i am getting tired of going home and cooking everyday. Which proves i am not one of those indefatigable working women who can manage both office and hearth with élan. By the time i go home, all i want to do is slump in front of the TV with a steaming cup of tea. i am not made of steel - thank god! Cannot imagine myself all shiny and strong!!

dance with me, baby....

Now S and i have decided to do an ‘item number’ for the company annual day party – don’t know when it would be but it is usually held in December. We decided we would practice at home – he with his wife and i with my man. He does not know how to dance. i was teaching him a few steps of salsa yesterday. He was like “You are really moving your hips”! He stepped on my toes a couple of times – good thing we were dancing barefoot!

Of course, S’ and my item number might never materialize. i think everyone in the company will be shell-shocked to see us dancing. Plus we don’t know dancing that well to give a performance. But still we have been telling all the kids to join us and be the extras dancing in the background!

S and i have been really backbiting – i am getting frustrated with the quality of work the youngsters are delivering. Now that i am in charge, i don’t want anyone delivering anything less than prefect. So the reviews have become stringent. i know i am going to end up being unpopular but that is the least of my worries. i really like this project – i like the challenges it provides so it gets my goat to see people treating work so lightly. Am i transforming into a perfectionist?! Not likely in this lifetime.

Audit woe-dit

The good news first. Our company is going through the annual ISO audits. And i was scared our project would get selected. We had the opening meeting today – and the guy who is leading the audit is, umm impressive but a bit on the ‘paka’ type. He seems to have done all the certifications possible – VC++, Visual Basic, Oracle. i was impressed, albeit reluctantly. The good news is not the guy but the fact that our project did not get selected for audit. i literally jumped with joy when i came to know about it! i had been jittery about facing the audit.

The weekend was a mixture of moods – Saturday saw me morose what with the mega-fight i had with him. We were both nasty with each other – this relationship has too much passion with the end result that it spills over sometimes and leaves us scorched. i was almost ready to throw in the towel and call it quits – my patience and tolerance level is on an all-time low. i know he is going through a tough time and i am not helping any. Anyway, we did manage to cool down enough to patch up and manage to spend the weekend without stepping on each other’s toes. In fact, we had a good time yesterday. Went to the bank to open a joint account, did some shopping and had a hearty lunch of kangsoi and my special fried chicken. We even did some cleaning up together without coming to blows! And after a long time we played ludo – it is our favourite game. We use it to decide who will do the various chores! Yesterday, we played for old times’ sake. And i beat him hands down! Sometimes, this guy exasperates me. Sometimes, he drives me crazy with his TLC.

i want to take a long break and go on a journey – all by myself. Cut myself off from everyone and just take a plunge into the unknown. i have been getting more frustrated with the kids – they are beginning to bug me with their casual attitude. Oh hell, does it really matter? Does anything matters at the end of it all? i need a long break – from everything.

drama queen

Well, the drama continues. Yesterday, i had made up my mind that i would go back to my place if i didn’t hear from him. His flight was supposed to land somewhere around 4 in the evening. Yesterday was, as usual, another hectic day what with overseeing the juniors and trying to complete my own tasks. In one sense it was good as i didn’t have time to mull over why he didn’t call me up. Well, around 5:30, he did call me up. He wanted to know how soon i would be able to leave office and come. i acted cold (which comes naturally to me!) and told him i would come after i was done with everything. After running after the kids to get everything out and sending the status report, it was almost 6 by the time i was ready to call it a day. Pervert that i am, i dilly-dallied in the office so it was almost 7 by the time i reached his place. He knew i was miffed at him so he didn’t act cold. In fact, the silly guy was giving me his best smiles! But it takes more than some sweet smiles to soothe my ruffled feathers.

i am still sore at him. i know i am behaving like a kid. But hell, that is me. Take it or leave it.

love's labour not lost???

He is coming today. Am i excited? Well, we had a fight yesterday so i am trying to curb my enthusiasm about it. i didn’t even call him up to wish him happy journey. i know i am being petty, which i am.

Yesterday was a bandh over here. So i stayed over at his place which is about 10 minutes walking distance from my office. Slogged my ass off in the office the whole day. Just because he was coming today, i took the trouble of going back to my place after office, got my things and replenished his kitchen supplies. i don’t know why (OK, maybe because i was not in the mood to talk to him) but he thought i didn’t want to tidy up his place for him – it has been lying unlived for about a year now. Now, i really got irritated at him for jumping to conclusions (he must have been a rabbit in his last incarnation). So i told him he can stay there all by himself. i thought i would just take my things and go back to my place. But i thought of him coming home all tired and having to clean up. For a change, i didn’t up and go but decided to do what i had come to do. i stayed up till 1 in the night. By the time i was done, i was ready to drop down dead. i don’t know whether to stay angry with him or make up.

S sent over a bag for me and the earphones for my iPod (i manage to lose it within 2 days of using it!). He is a sweetheart – well, i always bully him but he has never been anything but nice to me. In fact, he is someone who will always insist on being nice even when i am mean to him – he says he cannot be angry with me no matter how much i provoke him. Ummm…