22

My future is still uncertain. I have no idea what is going to happen. Which is not really fun. Not that I am sweating but i feel I should really stop this habit of doing things with the blind belief that everything will turn my way. I don't know whether closing this door would mean that other doors would open. I am hoping so.

When I think of it, my entire life has come this far without me planning anything. Which explains a lot of the mess I find myself in.

21

Still don't know where things will head. So many options but I am wary whether any of them will work out. I am becoming pessimistic with age. But I have had my hopes up - my hopes are helium filled- only to get dashed. So I am wary now.

Maybe by next week I will know where life is headed. It felt nice to have a colleague I confided to telling me that my manager would not want to part with me because he is so impressed with me. That felt good. Much better than being taken for granted. I got a call again and I was told that what I was being offered was the best package they were handing out to anyone here from the company and that irked me. Not everything has to do with money. I would have stayed if they had increased it by just a token amount to try to please me. But I felt like I was being taken for granted. For eight fucking years, I never complained even once about my salary or promotion or lack of it. Maybe it is about time I stopped underselling myself.

But I hope I still have something to do by the time the drama gets over. I mean how tragic would it be if I end up jobless because I am stupid enough to leave one before having another one in the kitty?

20

Either the scale is way off or I am fading away into nothingness. I weigh 43.6 kg. 43.6. Just 43.6. Not even 44. Is it because I am not having a proper lunch? But I have all the junk food to make up for that. I should be putting on weight, not losing it. Maybe I am dying. Yes, so melodramatic of me, I know.

I have decided to stick to my decision to terminate my contract. Even though the CTC is high, since I have been told I would not be getting any of the tax benefits the others do, my take home is not something I want to live with. Plus the fact that they kept harping on how my CTC was higher than anyone onsite - it made me feel like they thought I was too greedy. And that, I did not like. Another crossroad. I don't know how thigs will end up - I am counting on the reputation I hope I have built up to get me a contract with the client without any middleman- that way I would earn almost twice what I earn now. But maybe they would not want me. oh well, that would not be the end of the world. But it would not feel nice, would it?

I will wait and see where life takes me.

19

Waiting for Monday blues to strike. I gon't mind office but I hate the waking up early routine that weekdays force upon me.

18

Actually have nothing to write but logged in just because I did not want to break the continuity. What continuity?

Weekends always end before they start. Thought of baking but left it for tomorrow.