Day 10

Sometimes, it is difficult. I mean life. You don't know whether you are alive even. You start taking people for granted and people start taking you for granted. You just drag on from one day to the next. You try to dig joy out of the mundane existence but you get frustrated with the effort you give and the little you get in return.

There has to be something in life other than wake up, rush to office, do pointless stuff to earn some money, come back, cook, eat and sleep just to get yourself ready for another day. I don't even feel like opening my mouth to say anything to him even.

I know I complicate my life. But I cannot help it. I wish for a little escapade sometimes. I just want to live.

Day 9

It was raining when I woke up. It is such a drag when you think about how you have to walk in the gloomy weather to work even if it is just 10 minutes. I am someone who hates carrying the umbrella or using it. Unless it is raining heavily, I usually walk in the rain without one.

In the afternoon, the sun was shining bright. The weather is just as fickle minded as I am over here- one moment, it is raining, the next moment bright sunshine, the next windy enough to blow me off my feet. And the weather forecast is as accurate as a monkey shooting a bow.

I need a haircut. I need a makeover. I need a life.

Day 8

I know, I know. The resolution was for just 7 days but what the heck, I am here again. Let's see how long I can do this.

Heard some pretty risqué office romance stories from my ex- company. It sounded like b grade Hindi movie plots. Married man besotted with younger colleague - the pregnant wife threatening to commit suicide. A 'lady' emerging from the gents' toilet - this one was classic. I mean, in the office???? I mean, how frustrated can you get that you cannot even wait for office to end to go somewhere private. And in the loo, ewww...double, triple- timing ladies...I could hardly believe my ears. Well.

Talking of affairs, why would a woman (or a man) threaten to take their life because the spouse strays. I mean, why would your life be worth giving up for someone so low. I can never condone affairs - if you fall in love with somebody else, at least give your spouse the satisfaction of dumping.

I love office when I have work. When I can troubleshoot using my razor sharp brain - ha ha ha, that is a joke if ever there was one. There is a new tool being tested and though I am not even a part of the team, I am helping out an ex- junior who comes to me for help. I being a sucker for anything that I am not supposed to be doing , I am helping out on the sly.

Day 7

OK, I did it! Blogged everyday for a week. It was not that tough as I had imagined so maybe I should try to at least blog every alternate day. Before I run out of things to blog.

I read an article yesterday about people who love to be alone. I belong to that club. There is so much of company I can stand before I start getting bored. I hate when I am invited by people I hardly know or want to know. Yes, there are a few people whose company I love and I don't mind spending time with them. But I find the majority of people boring - well, I am very sure the feeling is mutual. I hate small talk, I don't like talking about clothes, shoes or anything that most females want to talk about. He thinks I am unsocial - which I am - because I always turn down invitations from people. I mean, just because we were born in the same place and now happen to stay outside does not mean I have to like the company of other Manipuris, right? I know they must think be snobbish but it is not like I care a fig about what they think of me.

I don't remember the last time I was alone - really alone. Apart from the time I sometimes sneak off to the loo to have some alone time - pathetic. In the office I am surrounded by people. At home, the loo is the only place where I can be alone. Such is my life now.

I miss the days at Homestead in CA where I spent the weekend stuck to the bed, some days without seeing another soul and I was so happy. I miss that.

Day 6

5 months. And it still hurts. But I think of all his sufferings and know that it would have been agony for him to continue any longer. But, yes, it still hurts.

Good day at work. On a Monday, imagine! Opened two defects. Learned to use the new tool and was so excited about it. Specially since I am not supposed to learn how to use it. Hah, suckers. Now, I am going to show my new skill to my project mates. I am planning to change the way the project works. I hate to be dependent on anyone so god help those who try to prevent me for using tools that only a few are supposed to use. No stopping this stubborn pig.

I am actually beginning to like the project now that I am able to get my way to getting access rights. Oui, very soon I will be miss indispensable. Yes, yes, I am conceited. C'mon, allow me one little vice.

SN mailed me, after ages. The sweetheart. Just yesterday, as I was eating dinner, I was thinking of her. I remember visiting her home at churchura and how welcome kaki, kakima and bhai made me feel. I remember her taking me to a mosque and we went up a tower - I don't remember the name - and we gazed at the beautiful countryside. She also took me to a beautiful church. I didn't have a digital camera then and I don't know whether we took any pictures but the memories, though fading since I think my neurons are self restricting these days - are still there and cherished. The past is a nice place to visit at times.