to hell....

i am so frustrated with life right now - i know all dark clouds will pass and all that fucking nonsense. Right now i feel like swearing my guts out - just like that - abuse this world with the choicest of galis. Get the angst off my chest.

And why am i frustrated? i have no idea...maybe i just need a peg or two of hope or hemlock - whichever.

i need to get back to work. i need to get my neurons activated. And i need to swear...

----i think it helped. Maybe i need to swear more often. i think i am sick of being good. This is not my kind of thing - i want desperately to be bad, bitchy.......there is nothing i want more right now than to be evil.

still zinda..

i managed to catch the flight and so here i am, blogging from Imphal. i literally ran from the office that day - i did manage to turnover the code - much to the amusement of the security guard. i guess he thought maybe i was running off with classified information. ummm..

Life has been dragging me along wth it. i don't know what to make of it. It has been tough going and i guess it wll only get tougher with time...i only hope i have the strength and patience to cope with it, esp. patience which, evidently, i possess little, if at all.

The slver lining is that i am learning to cook new dishes - esp. manipuri dishes and vegeterian fare. i made maroi thongba that day and everyone was gaga over it - whch made me smug as hell! i am also learning to make rotis - i can get the shape right much to my surprise. i was expecting to reproduce all the maps of the countries. But i still cannot make the rotis soft - they feel like i am eating cardboard - yuck. Though everyone has been trying to encourage me saying i am doing good for a novice. But hell, i want to get it right on the first go. His presence is a help - and irritatng at times. i guess it is his desire to make sure i don't go wrong. But sometimes, i feel it bothers on the nagging. So i keep tellng him to let me do things my way. He told me a sweet thing though - he said he wants to die before me because he does not want to live without me. Since i am an unromantic rat (rat??!! what??) i asked him "am i going to die? ". Any romantic soul would have gone like "Nahin, i want to die before you. How can i live without you? blah blah"....But me, oh i am so bloody unromantic at times that he goes "nang sidi"! But there are times when i am romantic and when the mood overtakes me, hell, no one could beat me at that.

i miss work though..i miss running after everyone to do their job - i guess the poor things will have a hard time when go back. i need to complete my appraisal - i am plannng on giving myself 5/5 on every count - on communcation skills, assetveness, i definitely deserve a 5. Interpersonal skills- umm 4.5 - i don't have the patience to deal with dumb people or to be polticaly nice and correct. Overall rating is 4.87/5! Narcisstic bitch!! Lets see what the higher ups rate me - though care two hoots about it. i am good and i know it. So there...

Chema is going to prepare chagem pomba for me...my mouth is watering. And i am thinking of making pakora thongba...Maybe i will manage to put on weight this time...

rush hour

It is 7:30 in the morning and i have a flight to catch at 10:45. And i am in the office!! Can you beat that? i need to turn over something before i take a hiatus. And the system let me down yesterday. So here i am, not so bright and chirpy --and for a change, all alone in this big room -- rushing against time.

i am feeling sleepy --and the system is being a bitch. If i miss my flight, i will sue it! i have another 1 1/2 hr left.

But i am consoling myself right now with vision of chagem pomba, nagki jou, hanggam...yummy yummy. Now only if the system is nice to me....

Next time, i blog, it would be from home--imphal. If i can catch the flight, that is.

amused...

A funny thing happened. Somebody had screwed up my existing code and i saw red and mailed the client – L, he is a nice guy who tells me i am a mean girl because i called him mean once! He was in a training and did not reply. i told S that i was sad that L did not take my side. Since i was going to leave without seeing him, S asked me if he wanted him to tell L that i was hurt. I told him that he would not be able to say that to L. So we had a bet. i got a mail from L telling me that he heard from S that i was mad at him. He said he didn’t mean to ignore me but he was in a training! And he said he was mad at me for not going away without telling him and that we are even now. This guy is notorious for his one-liner answers so i was touched to see him write two paragraphs to me!!! Maybe S is right – he likes me! But then, S thinks everybody likes me – which must be furthest from the truth. i have the knack of wounding people’s ego.

i will be taking a sabbatical from work for about a month – have got my ticket. After college, this must be the first time i will be in Imphal for so long. It is going to be a testing and tiring time for me. i hope his presence will help—i hope. i am thinking of driving over there – maybe i will end up in sajiwa jail for reckless driving!

back to base

Landed here on a balmy monday night. My apartment looks bigger -after all the days in the hotel room. Slept in my own sweet bed after so many days. i skipped office yesterday to get my body back into working mode. We went and visited Bachou and Emaibem - gave them the things i got for them. Watched a bit of the 20-20 match going on - i wasn't even aware what 20-20 is, i am so out of touch with sports.

i watched so many hindi movies on the flight – snatches of Chini Kaam, Just Married, Baabul and Dhoom 2 (god, Ash is so irritating in the film – everytime she went “like”, i cringed.). i watched a bit of 300 but it was gory – not my kind of movie.

All of my suitcases were way beyond the weight limit of 32 kg– one was 40 kg and another 36 kg. So in the airport, S and the gang went about dumping some of my stuff in the juniors’ suitcases while i went around fluttering from one m/c to another weighing myself - i think i have lost about 2 kg. In the end, they managed to make my suitcases weigh a decent 33 kg each! My cabin luggage was also overweight but the guy at the check-in counter was nice to me and didn’t weigh it – thank god! Oh, and i lost my copy of “One hundred years of solitude” in the airport – i had in the pocket of my jacket and it simply vanished! S and i went back to the car to search for it but could not find it..sob sob… We were there gossiping for about an hour with the gang who came to see us off. By the time we were done with the hugging and adieus, we were the last passengers to go in for security check. We were the last to board the plane!

i nearly got harassed by the Customs – but my Bengali got me out of it! i had all the electronic stuff in my cabin luggage – 3 cameras, 5 mp3 players, three phones, one ipod, a digital photo frame and when they scanned it, i think they got suspicious seeing all the wires! This guy stopped me at the gate and asked me what i had inside – i replied in Bengali and he was like oh, you can speak Bengali. i told him that i have cameras and mp3 players and i acted pretty cool about it – S told me afterwards that having more than one stuff of the same brand makes them go wild with suspicion! The guy let me go without opening my bag – becche gelam!