Just another post...

And I have been gone for so long. My mother and sister came and went. And left me behind with a paunch I could hardly bear to look at - what with all the eating.

So now I am on a diet! So I have cereal with yoghurt for lunch - enough to make enough who knows me gasp in wonder I guess! I even bought green tea - what is wrong with me?! And I am exercising - even if it is for a paltry 15 minutes.

After a week, I am happy to say my tummy is presentable again. So much do that I keep looking at the mirror - such vanity!

I am trying my hand at making plush toys. Made a dino for the elf. Now I am making toothless - the night fury for him!

On a cold war with him - have not spoken to him for a week. It helps he is not here - I can ignore his mails and phone.

Again..,

Between making flowers, reading, juggling work and home, I seem to have lost touch with the blog.

He left yesterday for another stint away from us. Luckily, my mother and sister are coming over so I shall not starve.

I hate goodbyes. It brings out the weepy me in me. Not that I wept but I was sad...how I way I could be consoled like the elf for whom a bribe of a book is enough to wash away anything.

I am planning to sell my flowers at flea markets. I think they are good enough - it might be my biased opinion. But there is no harm in trying. At least I will have something to look forward to when I retire.

I leave you with some flowers I made...

Going on a holiday

Last minute, as usual. Going for 4 days to Bintan. Just need a break from everything. Taking a book along. Have been too busy making flowers to post - the house resembles a garden now with flowers sticking out from every corner. Maybe the craze will last till the crepe paper and coffee filters last. See you.

Quote...unquote

I thought when love for you die, I should die. It is dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on.

           --Rupert Brooke

How true. How true. I have about 9% battery left on this phone -- while I furiously type trying to get out the thoughts before the battery die....or I die...it is 1:13 in the night or morning or whatever you call it. Sleep, my best ally, eludes me...I read inane articles to kill the hours, to tempt sleep to come and take me away to dreamland - where maybe I would dream of long forgotten loves and pretend that love is forever. 

He has the refuge of drowning his sorrows in whatever he is drinking. I, on the other hand, have neither tears nor wine that could drown me..

I am tired. Very. All I can think is there are  so many places where I could be right now, maybe making a difference, however little in someone's else life..maybe I could be cleaning the public toilets in some far away land...or planting rice in Bali...or catching fish in eh..wherever...,I could be a slut wandering somewhere selling herself to feed her baby...I am going mad.,no, I am already mad...

I want to sleep. I need to sleep. I want LSD...anything....

I need to pee ---the other day someone in office was scandalized because I told him I need to pee. I told him mate he should join k, t and me for lunch one day and listen to the stuff we talk...

I seriously need to pee.....bye...

Thoughts

The Imphal trip - I don't know what to write...I had fun...I just do not have it in me to write about in details now..

Life has been busy. On wed,C got sick in the office and we had to take her to the hospital. We waited some two hours for her to see a doctor in A&E. Then she got hospitalized and had her appendix removed. 

It all makes you realize how fragile life is - one moment everything is shining and the next, everything crumbles.

We had a fallout and here I am sulking on my own. It is at times like this that I wish I was on my own...just by myself..to get stoned and drift..aimlessly from one day to the next...without having to worry about ties and responsibilities and such shit.

I am angry, smouldering ... Sometimes, i wonder why I ever thought we could make it what with the differences between our beliefs and ideas. I just want to chuck up everything and sulk away to some far away place where I could be alone, all by myself, with my dark thoughts for company.....

Love is, when you really think about it, highly overrated. You can live without it too. And maybe just as happier...

I have not unpacked my art stuffs. I need to take out my angst on something...it is a good thing I don't drink. I am sure I would be a raging alcoholic if I had been one because I so want to drown out everything...I am pathetic...

Where do I see myself even one year down the line? I don't know...I have no ambition when it comes to my career. As long as the money is good, I will prostitute my mind and time...and use the dough to buy myself stuffs to stuff the emptiness inside..but do I feel empty? I am in a limbo...I seriously need to have my ass kicked to make me wake up, to get me out of this stupor...

Oh well, I will go and cook chicken...such is the meaning of my life...whatever..