...

The sister arrived yesterday with goodies for me and the elf. Now I have all the dried yendem, soibum, nga ayaiba, dried hawaizar and other stuffs from home to last me a lifetime! 

The elf is excited to have one more soul in the house to help him with his coloring and god knows what else and generally have someone to bully!

The potluck at work went off well - the red curry was much appreciated. We ate so much that we all were half asleep post  lunch. The joys of overeating.

Nothing

It is the middle of the night. I finished reading a thriller, with the elf insisting on using my arm as his pillow! 

I suddenly missed him -you know how it is like. You feel like you have to tell him how you feel so I mailed him instead...I am the kind who communicate better in writing...

Why is it that some women insist on being martyrs ( i don't know what is happening to my brain - I had to look up the spelling)..why do they think that they have no say, that being submissive is a virtue, that being a woman means you have to sacrifice, that suffering is your lot. Why? I am as equal, if not more superior than the guys around. Just because I don't have balls does not mean I am a lesser being... 

My eyelids are half closed as I type this. When I wake up, the sister would be here. To think he is just a few hours away - but it feels like he is light years away when I cannot touch him or wake up in the middle of the night and feel him lying next to me...but sometimes, you have to let go...to see him live his dreams is more important - or so I console myself. Actually, I should hate him...but I don't ... That is the tragedy of life-- I think...I am actually half asleep...

Morbid thoughts

Why do morbid thoughts creep into my

mind when I least expect them? i wish i did not have thoughts running around my head all the time - I mean you would think them thoughts would get exhausted and drop down dead but no, I get the pleasure of their company almost every waking hours. I think I talk to myself so much inside my head that it is like there is another world in there...arghhh..,

I should learn to be more patient, devote more time to things that count. Easier said than done...

Why is that I cannot think to my resolve - to be a better person, at least to the people who mean the world to me? It is like I have this mean streak inside me... Why am i never understanding? Why? 

OK- let's do it this way, girl. Everyday, do at least one nice deed. Count upto 100 if you have to but bite your tongue to stop cruel words from escaping your mouth. Try to come out of you damn narrow comfort zone and be open to new things (orgy?? Oh what the f&@@$... Please shut up - I just cannot stand my perverted sense of humor at times...)

I am going mad, as you can see...it is a Friday (so??? ). 

I am going to spend the weekend cleaning up the apartment. Which makes me realize what a gem he is -- the place is so neat and tidy when he is around. 5 days and the place looks like a --/I don't know what to compare it to/. 

There is a potluck on Monday at the office--I can going to cook Thai red chicken curry. Need to go to the wet market to buy basil.

I need to buy a pair of jeans- the one that I have now is almost 3 years old. Why am I writing this? Obviously because I have nothing better to write about.

What is the meaning of life??? Oh god, here I go again...but what really is it that we live for? I mean, why do we bother about such trivial things like a piece of code not working, of what people think about you, about bank balances, about the conversion rate of sgd to inr, about everything. The more I think about it, the more nothing makes sense to me. It will all end when I die..so why should I give a damn about anything..So when somebody tells me about any of their woes, I say 'how does it matter in the over all scheme of life?'...but is there a scheme to life...when I think about the fact that there is just this one life, I get depressed thinking about all the places I would never visit, all the people I would never know....here I am, coding and fixing bugs... Is that all there is to life??? 

There are so many things I have not done -- I have not tried LSD, not gone to Africa or seen the aurora borealis, no Sahara desert, no pyramids...heck, I have not even been to loktak lake....

Am I sad? Not really...But it is just that I have these thoughts inside of, these questions...

Do you know my favourite color? It is black. That is the color of me --dark--

Doing just fine

Surprisingly, i am holding up quite well alone with the elf. I am making sure he is occupied - even took him to the nearby park so he could ride his scooter and run.

We - t-da, k and I went in search of dosa for lunch and ended up eating prata and mutton curry. It was ok but a bit on the spicy side and I have a 'burning' stomach to pay for it. So I had  one ready made Prata with blueberry jam (what ????) and green tea for dinner. I know... I am so silly.

The sis has gotten her visa and would be here on monday morn- thank god for that. At least, there will be somebody to make me morning tea!!! Ha ha ha...

Something funny happened at work. T-da threw a ball of blue tack to K and it hit him on his lip and he had a fat lip!! We told him he looked like mumtaz pouting (you know she the yesteryears Bollywood actress). Poor K - we bully him do much it is a wonder he even comes to office.we ought to be sacked! But I think he secretly enjoys us pulling his leg...

And on the way back from lunch, I nearly fell down from the escalator because I was larking around as usual . When will I grow up?

Have the monthly leads meeting tomorrow at 6 in the morning. I mean bloody 6 when nearly the whole side of this world is sleeping... sheesh... The things I do for money...hope I get up and dial in and behave like a grouchy bear....grrrrr...

My dolls

Inspired by Japanese kokeshi dolls. Made from air dry clay and varnished.