Dreams...

The sand castles i build
On the seashore of my life

One by one
They tumble
Swept away
By the heartless waves of my acrid tears

My dreams call out to me
As they drown
While i stand
Shackled and helpless

Angered, perhaps, by my impotence
They mock at me
In their dying breaths
"Why dream
If you do not have the courage?
Why paint our wings so bright
If you cannot make us fly?"

Alone, i stand
By the corpses of my dreams
And watch in silence
As the vultures feed on them

Memories

Memories of you
Lodged in a corner of my heart

i pay them infrequent visits
Sometimes, they embrace me heartily
And we talk fondly of old times

Sometimes, they greet me
With muted displeasure
For not visiting them often enough
And serve me tea laced with tears

Sometimes, i arrive at their abode
And find them sitting stone faced
Gathered around a fellow memory
That passed away in the loneliness of the night
Uncared for, un-remembered

The brazen young ones ask me at times
If it was true
That i once was so fertile
And would come by every day
With young memories bundled up with love
Born just the other day
i pretend not to hear them
Or see the silencing looks
The older ones throw at them

As i take my leave
Pretending there are other places to visit
Some wistfully whisper as they hug me
'i might not be around the next time you come'
i glibly lie
'Oh you will outlive me"

And as i walk past the graveyard
Where the souls of dead memories lie
Turning and tossing and longing
To be remembered and brought back to life
i silently mark the empty site
Where i will bury the next one

Salvation

After a weekend 'harvesting' books for free, i have now a cardboard box overflowing with books. Though i cannot imagine it now, i turned down some books because i could not so many books. The freecycler i went to collect the book from on Sunday was disappointed (and irritated too though i was too elated to notice it!) that i did not take all the books. C'mon, there were about 10 boxes of books and there was no place we could have stored them. Plus not all the books were up my aisle. In my haste to choose the books (he could not find a parking place and wanted me to hurry up), i even picked up a book in an unknown language (only discovered it after i came home)!

And i am happy to say my pride could survive taking things for free! Now if only i could get the generosity to give things away. Maybe, maybe one of these days....

Hang on, help is on the way...

i am going to meet up tomorrow with a fellow freecycler to swap books. Book swapping - how exciting is that?! i think it would beat wife-swapping or husband-swapping or whatever swapping that goes on in this world.

It is a bit out of character for me to part with my books. i cling on to my books - even tattered ones - like a drunk to his/her bottle. But when i was offered books in answer to my 'Wanted' request, i thought it was only fair to offer the books i have lying around. Some of them are quite cherished books but i thought this was a start. One step at a time to free myself of worldly attachments. i could not, however, part with some books - one given to me by a junior before i left the previous company (i came in to work, saw this book propped up against my desktop. Opened it and saw the inscription inside and was touched almost to the point of tears.), another that i bought with the vouchers i won at the various competitions in my previous company and two that he bought for me from a book sale at his work place.

And then, there is Sunday when i will go to pick up another load of books from a freecycler's place. i did offer him some books in return but he declined.

It is going to rain books this weekend. And i am going to have days of hangover. There is no intoxication like written words.

Drifting again

i finished the last book two days back and now, my thoughts are on a rampage. My mind is on the loose, thoughts spilling out from every neuron and colliding with each other, thoughts meeting other thoughts and spawning new thoughts, thoughts dying, thoughts crushed in the rush, loud thoughts, soft-spoken thoughts, evil thoughts, angry thoughts, happy thoughts..

Books...i need books like an addict needs his dope.