NCIS

This is one crime soap i love. i have always had a soft spot for all those crime-solving stuffs - starting from the famous five to Hardy Boys to Agatha Christie to Perry Mason and everything in between. i religiously watched 'Medical Detectives' on Discovery Channel. Then i moved on to CSI - SVU, Law and Order et al. Then NCIS happened.

After we moved to the new place and we bought the big TV (it is another story that we set out to buy a 19 inch one and ended up buying the 32 inch we could hardly afford then - which illustrates just how fickle we are!), i found this channel showing NCIS. i used to watch this when i was staying cooped up in the studio suite in CA - those good whole days when i spent entire weekend marinating in bed with the remote and laptop. He was dragged into watching it and i guess he got interested too.

What i love about it is that the characters have their quirks and it is not so stiff collared as the other crime serials. The camaraderie among the unit reminds me of my project - i mean, my ex-project, though i can never think of it as ex. They bicker, trade insults...Makes me miss those days when work was pure fun - it was like i was getting paid for doing just what i enjoy- bullying and nagging!! Plus the fact that i like the guy who plays Gibbs (Mark Harmon - i have seen him play some chota-mota roles in movies) and i like the character he plays - technologically challenged (like me), logically strong (like me, ahem, ahem) and impatient. i could be the female version of Gibbs!!

lend me some patience

Though there is not much i don't like about myself, if i were asked to ask for something, i would love to be more patient.

How do people manage to be patient? i can never understand. Of course, everyone who has had something to do with me, starting from family, friends and colleagues, have to be patient to deal with me and my never-ending nakhras.

i have been impatient - with life, with love, with everything. i guess it has something to do with the fact that i was pretty much a spoilt brat - in fact, a guy who used to ferry me to school used to call me "hingchabi" and almost everyone who knew me from my half-pants days has some story to tell of the atrocities i committed as a kid (not that age has mellowed me down). i am a spoilt adult now. And i guess i will die as a withered spoilt hag.

Patience - it is that quality that eludes me. i have been told it would come automatically - hell, half my lifetime has been spent and still there is not a shadow of patience in my life. Is it cultivated? Is it something inborn - either you have it or you don't?

If i could borrow an ounce of patience from all the people i know, maybe life would be better - for the people around me.

changing allegiance

Never thought it would be so easy to love someone so instantly. Never thought it would be so easy to displace him with another as the new love of my life. Never thought i would feel this way. Never thought....

the art of waiting

If waiting is an art, i will never be able to master it. i hate waiting. For anything. Or anyone. And somehow, life has conspired to make sure that all of the people close to me have no sense of punctuality. So i am doomed to a life of always waiting.

i am not in a condition to think coherently. My thoughts flit around in my head like butterflies - i am never able to catch them. i think i will blog about this and that and i log in and i never can bring myself to do anything. Today i managed to stir up some life...but not the words!

i am scared. Of the changes just around the corner. Scared of how i would be able to cope with them - whether i will wilt under pressure. i am scared of whether i would be able to do justice to my responsibilities. i am scared, as always, of life. So i do what i am so good at - shut out all these thoughts. Try not to think about anything but the next moment.

i am so tired of waiting. Tired of wondering whether today would be the day.

.............

He watches me
watching the dark clouds gather
As the clouds open up
A tear slithers down
To escape the confines of an eye
That seeks out only dark clouds to gaze at
He wipes the tear drop
And kisses the eyes
that only seek out dark clouds
He cradles the head
That swarms with thoughts
No one can fathom
He tries to coax a smile
From lips that only droop