RIP

it is over..She left for good. Death- you realise it is so final. One moment you are here, the next it is all over. And human grief is so transient. In a way, it was the best for her. It would have been selfish to wish her to stay on battling all the pain just so we could have the consolation that she was still with us.

i cried--silent tears mixed with sobs. And there were others not so close to her who wept out loud calling her name, asking her why she had to go.

There are some things i need to decide now. i need to shed some emotional baggage and move on in life. Life is calling out to me and i feel the need to answer this call.

i am so worn out - physically and emotionally. It is no fun having to deal with people who come to condole and end up interrogating you - i mean, what the fuck, it is as if it is a circus. They have no sense of privacy. i know they must be having a hell of a time gossiping about unresponsive me. i am so fucking tired of having to answer the same personal question everytime someone comes to visit. i wish i could just scream out loud the next time to just mind their own business. i hate it. i hate it all. i wish this would end soon and i could back to life as it was before.

sleep therapy

When it gets too much to bear, i sleep and drift off to another world where pain has no address. Maybe i will be another Rip Van Winkle (or wrinkle or whatever..how does it matter?). In the end, nothing matters...absolutely nothing. So screw life...Let me just sleep.....

restless in imphal

What is it about my life that my plans always go the "man proposes god disposes" way? Last to last sunday, we were blissfully doing our sunday fill-up-the fridge shopping. We were almost at the end of it when a call came from his home to tell him to come home as soon as possible.
We decided to fly home that very day. Since we are antique pieces, we do not own a single credit card between us and since they don't let you use debit card, i called up S in the States to get hold of a kid who has a indian credit card tgo buy us our tickets and send us the scanned copy of the credit card. S, always my saviour, did the needful. We threw in a couple of clothes and rushed to the airport.

It is such tough time to see a person waste away - from being an active, ever bubbly self to a vegetable in bed, not being able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. It is tough specially when the person is someone close to you and even tougher to see the guy you love go through the pain of seeing his own mother not being able to recognise him. i don't know how i am coping - i feel i am in an emotional daze. One day at a time, that is how i am taking it. The end of the day sees me totally exhausted - mentally and physically. i only hope i can go through this without snapping.

One bright spot is that i can make near perfect rotis now. Now if only perfectly round rotis could disperse the gloom in my life.

friday---

The “skeleton” web page is almost done. i designed the logo myself using paint and photoshop. i am getting a kick out of it. i gave a preview of the web page to my seniors and both the S and the reception has been wonderful. i am going to make it more stylish and incorporate more features. i only hope i don’t lose enthu mid-way as is wont to happen to me.

We might be going to Imphal next week. Plans are afloat for me to start working from home. i like my project – they are going the extra mile to ensure that i am not on leave without pay. The broadband connection and the power supply – that is what i am worried about. Lets see how things work out for me.

harvest my love

When my heart overflows with love,
Would you harvest some and save it
For the days when love runs low?