A pleasant monday for a change.S gave me a present - a book. It was so unexpected that that i was blushing. jhumpa's intepreter of maladies. He asked me whether i have the book in my collection and i glibly lied that i don't have it. Because i was so touched by the gesture of this guy actually buying a book for me! He is a colleague who has joined the exclusive club of people i call friends (and not because he got me a book!). We never seem to agree on anything and always end up arguing. But, we are as thick as thieves. We gang up on the kids and bully them, ask people embarassing questions just to see them squirm in their seats! i know, i know - i am so evil.
i am gonna miss him.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, June 01, 2007
the moon and my moods...
Don't know why but my moods have been swinging like monkeys high on grass. The morning started on a nasty mood. i picked up a fight with him over, yes, nothing. i did say some mean things. And to his credit, the guy did not lose his cool. These days, i get irritated over nothing. i am sure it must be the full moon. Ema always did say that i am "thasi thanou houba". In the end, nothing is my fault - it is either my genetic make-up or the environment or the position of the celestial bodies!!
On the work front, i am to be the sacrificial lamb, no, make it sacrificial bitch.
Another group wanted someone to complete something in two weeks time and the higher-ups decided to loan me. So here i am, ready to jump into bed with the deadline! The lead is a French guy and i am bowled over by his accent. Now if only i can get past this deadline and die in peace.
i have to start shopping - buy the things i know i can get there - you know that (illogical)logic about stuffs being cheaper here! Cheapo - that is what i am becoming. Ok, clothes (no fun buying them from the kids' section there), shoes (hardly ever get the kind i want in my size) and god knows what else i will pick up. Maybe i will just become a homely gypsy and settle down in one place. Or maybe i will just cut all ties and run away to Africa. Or maybe i will just curl up and die. The moon - it is the moon...
Amuba leichin
mumhanlo atiya
puduna chatkharo
purnima gi thaja se
On the work front, i am to be the sacrificial lamb, no, make it sacrificial bitch.
Another group wanted someone to complete something in two weeks time and the higher-ups decided to loan me. So here i am, ready to jump into bed with the deadline! The lead is a French guy and i am bowled over by his accent. Now if only i can get past this deadline and die in peace.
i have to start shopping - buy the things i know i can get there - you know that (illogical)logic about stuffs being cheaper here! Cheapo - that is what i am becoming. Ok, clothes (no fun buying them from the kids' section there), shoes (hardly ever get the kind i want in my size) and god knows what else i will pick up. Maybe i will just become a homely gypsy and settle down in one place. Or maybe i will just cut all ties and run away to Africa. Or maybe i will just curl up and die. The moon - it is the moon...
Amuba leichin
mumhanlo atiya
puduna chatkharo
purnima gi thaja se
Thursday, May 31, 2007
take me home...
Back. There is always a lump in my throat whenever the plane takes off and takes me away from home. Home. i don’t know where is home anymore. Is it the place where i grew up, the place where my memories are stacked in all nooks and corners? Is it the nest i have built for myself over here? Sometimes i wonder how it would be like staying at Imphal for good and not flit in and out like some migratory bird. Would i miss this place then, the freedom of living life on my own terms? So many questions and no answers.
Tried to gather enough memories to see me through the time i would be away. i loathe goodbyes. i hate the times when i turn to wave and walk away. i want to be home. And home eludes me.
Tried to gather enough memories to see me through the time i would be away. i loathe goodbyes. i hate the times when i turn to wave and walk away. i want to be home. And home eludes me.
Friday, May 25, 2007
ummm...
A year older - but unlike old wine, i seem to turn bitchier, nastier and, yes, younger at heart!!
Monday, May 21, 2007
bent----
Last night, as i was about to go to sleep, this thought struck me like a bolt from the blue. This realization that, after we die, everything ends. It is not like i didn’t realize it before but it struck me with more force and clarity than ever before. The mundane worries, the fights, the happiness, the sadness, everything will end when my existence ends. i mean, the world will cease to exist then because i would not be there to experience it. It was a scary thought – i felt like i was staring down a bottomless abyss.
Many years back, when i was a kid running around wild, even before i realized the importance of it, i had this scary experience. i believed in re-incarnation then because i was still a kid who had been taught to believe in the existence of god. For no rhyme or reason, i started thinking that if i was going to be born again and again and again, when would the cycle ever cease. My mind could not fathom it and i remember being petrified. i remember asking my playmate if she had ever thought about it and she gave me this blank stare as if i have spouted in another language. i was so sacred of this concept that life would never end, that time would go on and on and on.
Sometimes, i am scared of how my mind goes on about these things – it is like there is another creature inside my head, trying to grasp the concept of life, of the meaning of my existence. It stays silent most of the times. But like all beasts, when it rears it head, i am left confused and drained, thirsting for knowledge, for enlightenment, for that one glimpse of truth. And i wonder do other people go through this soul searching too. Or maybe i am losing my marbles.
i don’t know what could be more frustrating than having a glimpse of another world and having the window shut in your face. This is what i feel everytime i think about life – there are times when i feel i have grasped some essence, only to have it fade away. My friends say i think too much. Maybe one day, i will just slide away into the other side they call insanity.
“Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together ---“
- Bent by Matchbox 20
Many years back, when i was a kid running around wild, even before i realized the importance of it, i had this scary experience. i believed in re-incarnation then because i was still a kid who had been taught to believe in the existence of god. For no rhyme or reason, i started thinking that if i was going to be born again and again and again, when would the cycle ever cease. My mind could not fathom it and i remember being petrified. i remember asking my playmate if she had ever thought about it and she gave me this blank stare as if i have spouted in another language. i was so sacred of this concept that life would never end, that time would go on and on and on.
Sometimes, i am scared of how my mind goes on about these things – it is like there is another creature inside my head, trying to grasp the concept of life, of the meaning of my existence. It stays silent most of the times. But like all beasts, when it rears it head, i am left confused and drained, thirsting for knowledge, for enlightenment, for that one glimpse of truth. And i wonder do other people go through this soul searching too. Or maybe i am losing my marbles.
i don’t know what could be more frustrating than having a glimpse of another world and having the window shut in your face. This is what i feel everytime i think about life – there are times when i feel i have grasped some essence, only to have it fade away. My friends say i think too much. Maybe one day, i will just slide away into the other side they call insanity.
“Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together ---“
- Bent by Matchbox 20
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