A bit of sunshine. Had a day out. It was good fun for elf.
Maybe by next week, the uncertainty would resove. For good or bad. either way, it would not be the end of the world. I am beginning to think the trick of living is to just go with the flow and wherever it takes you. But easier said than done I know. But I will try. Am I getting wiser or just tricking myself into believing so? Who cares?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
24
A junior at work who claims to be able to read faces said the first impression of me is that I am arrogant. How true! I am arrogant. Am I? I don't know. I mean, I have been told so many times by people that their first impression of me is arrogance. Is the way I talk? The way I hold my head? Or maybe that I look through people?
When I was in high school, I was told by somebody who later became a close friend (but now out of touch) that I turned out so different when he really got to know me. His first impression was that I was arrogant. Cut to college life and lo, the same observation made by friends there as well.
There must be something in me that makes people think I am so full of myself - which I am. But I would have never thought it was so apparent.
My colleague, bless her kind soul, reassured me today again that everyone in the project thinks very highly of me. To deserve that, I fastened my work pace and completed more than half of the analysis all by myself! Hee, how flattery works! But I needed that. After a long stint off from work, I had thought I have half lost it. But intelligence, it seems, does not desert you easily. Hah, and neither does arrogance and immodesty!!
When I was in high school, I was told by somebody who later became a close friend (but now out of touch) that I turned out so different when he really got to know me. His first impression was that I was arrogant. Cut to college life and lo, the same observation made by friends there as well.
There must be something in me that makes people think I am so full of myself - which I am. But I would have never thought it was so apparent.
My colleague, bless her kind soul, reassured me today again that everyone in the project thinks very highly of me. To deserve that, I fastened my work pace and completed more than half of the analysis all by myself! Hee, how flattery works! But I needed that. After a long stint off from work, I had thought I have half lost it. But intelligence, it seems, does not desert you easily. Hah, and neither does arrogance and immodesty!!
Friday, July 22, 2011
23
With age, I have found that I do like being appreciated. I had a talk with my lead- something I was not really looking forward to. He has a sense of sarcasm about him. I was expecting to half mock me. And lo, I was blown away because he seemed genuinely anxious to see that I stay on. He said he would not like me to leave and that he would talk to my manager and see what options they can think of. Wow! I mean, even if unfortunately nothing works out, I would be happy with the knowledge that the people here really think of highly of me. My lead also echoed my colleague's opinion that my manager would not like to lose me.
And to think the company I slogged for eight years took me for granted. Maybe the longer you stay, you get treated like the furniture around. People don't expect you to move.
I hope things work out. And I am so damn pleased to know that I am considered well almost indispensable. Almost.
And to think the company I slogged for eight years took me for granted. Maybe the longer you stay, you get treated like the furniture around. People don't expect you to move.
I hope things work out. And I am so damn pleased to know that I am considered well almost indispensable. Almost.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
22
My future is still uncertain. I have no idea what is going to happen. Which is not really fun. Not that I am sweating but i feel I should really stop this habit of doing things with the blind belief that everything will turn my way. I don't know whether closing this door would mean that other doors would open. I am hoping so.
When I think of it, my entire life has come this far without me planning anything. Which explains a lot of the mess I find myself in.
When I think of it, my entire life has come this far without me planning anything. Which explains a lot of the mess I find myself in.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
21
Still don't know where things will head. So many options but I am wary whether any of them will work out. I am becoming pessimistic with age. But I have had my hopes up - my hopes are helium filled- only to get dashed. So I am wary now.
Maybe by next week I will know where life is headed. It felt nice to have a colleague I confided to telling me that my manager would not want to part with me because he is so impressed with me. That felt good. Much better than being taken for granted. I got a call again and I was told that what I was being offered was the best package they were handing out to anyone here from the company and that irked me. Not everything has to do with money. I would have stayed if they had increased it by just a token amount to try to please me. But I felt like I was being taken for granted. For eight fucking years, I never complained even once about my salary or promotion or lack of it. Maybe it is about time I stopped underselling myself.
But I hope I still have something to do by the time the drama gets over. I mean how tragic would it be if I end up jobless because I am stupid enough to leave one before having another one in the kitty?
Maybe by next week I will know where life is headed. It felt nice to have a colleague I confided to telling me that my manager would not want to part with me because he is so impressed with me. That felt good. Much better than being taken for granted. I got a call again and I was told that what I was being offered was the best package they were handing out to anyone here from the company and that irked me. Not everything has to do with money. I would have stayed if they had increased it by just a token amount to try to please me. But I felt like I was being taken for granted. For eight fucking years, I never complained even once about my salary or promotion or lack of it. Maybe it is about time I stopped underselling myself.
But I hope I still have something to do by the time the drama gets over. I mean how tragic would it be if I end up jobless because I am stupid enough to leave one before having another one in the kitty?
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