updates...

Back to work after a blissful long weekend.

Friday was holi – stale information, i know. We were too lazy to play with colours – we took the easy way out and “patted” each other’s cheeks with talcum powder-smeared hands! The morning started on a gloomy note. The driving lessons, what else. He got irritated with me because i did not slow down when approaching speed breakers. He went on with how i never listen to what he says. i was on the verge of tears because he was so unfair – ok, now you know i am a cry baby ..as if being a bitch was not enough!– and i braked the car hard, got off and sat in the back sulking. We drove home in silence. i went on a cleaning rampage – scoured the kitchen and bathrooms – to vent my anger (stupid of me, i should have just taken a nap!). He tried to make peace with me – he usually does that by asking me silly questions to make me laugh or at least see me suppress a smile. i completely ignored him – i am good at ignoring people, maybe has something to do with my being a super-snob. After some time, i got bored of sulking – so i went up to him and pummeled him with my tiny fists. We made up and i asked him out for a long drive. He agreed to indulge me and so off we went. But as luck would have it, the car was low on gas and all the petrol pumps were closed, it being holi. So we drove for about 2 hours and came back before the gas ran out.

Saturday was spent braving the hot afternoon sun trying to gather information on marble. We have finally decided on marble flooring instead of vitrified tiles – the tiles i want cost more than the marble. Did you know there so many varieties of marble? And the cost varies depending on the variety and the size of the slab. Bigger slabs are preferable as the “veins” of the marble show up nicely. i will be a marble expert pretty soon. We also got the boxes for the electric outlets and collected the design for the modular kitchen from Godrej. It is tiring but we want the best we can for our new home and the only way to ensure it is to oversee everything ourselves. We went for lunch at his favourite Chinese Restaurant – his treat for losing a bet.

These days, we have been both busy trying to learn new things. i am trying my hands at web design using CSS for the presentation and i am actually liking it. Every now and then, i start cooing in sheer delight when i get something right – like making the sidebar float! This is something entirely different and i am getting a kick out of it. Most of all, it is the joy of showing it off to him and getting that indulgent smile in return. He says i am getting good at it. And at driving too – after extracting a promise from him that he would not raise his voice at me when he is trying to teach me to drive, we went for another lesson on Sunday. It was drizzling and I think I did pretty well, changing gears smoothly, smarting avoiding hitting people who would not move out of the way but would rather turn around and stare at a female driving – and a chinky at that!

Life is treating me right – no, i am treating life right.

home - where is my home?

My mother called up my sister the other night - she wanted us to take care, i guess she was frightened there would be a backlash in the light of the killings of migrant workers in Manipur.

i could go on and on about how disgusting i find it – no, not my mother’s concern, the killings. But does it help any?

All i can think about is how ugly the place i call home has become – no, let me rephrase that, how ugly the people have made the place i call home. People – does that exclude me? i am, after all, one of them. But how do the acts of a few morons reflect on me?

Do i love the place i was born in? Yes, without a doubt. But do i want to go back? – No, not with all that ugliness. Am i running away from my responsibility? – Possibly. Imphal, unfortunately, has become a place that has lost its conscience. The people have made it so. Does my not protesting (but how do i do that? Do i shout out from the rooftop at those mindless thugs with guns?) make me one of them?

i hate these people who think of themselves as saviours of our society. We are much better off without them. Thank god i did not grow up with people dictating me what to wear, what language to speak, what to watch, what to read. They steal, they kill and all in the name of bettering our society. Which society will progress with such people at the helm? And the bitter truth is, they are there to stay.

Home – it is just a sweet memory now. i know i will never go back except for short sweet holidays. How much sadder could it get?

love is in the air...

There is nothing more i ask
then to start the day with you
And end it in your arms

i feel romance seeping out from every pore of my being today. i miss him terribly. i cannot wait for him to come back home (hope i can restrain myself from pouncing on him!!) i am planning to give him a surprise and make something nice for him. i just hope my good intentions don't evaporate on the way home.

My man - who can make me melt with his tenderness, who can make my blood boil over with his stubborness. He makes me smile, he makes me cry. He makes me laugh, he makes me fret.

Oh hell, how i love this man.

N.B. the driving saga continues. i nearly mowed down two people today. i was too busy craning my neck to watch the mo'bike coming from the opposite direction to see the couple standing right in front! It was lucky for them (and for me too) that he was with me. i slammed the brake so hard my foot nearly went through! My biggest problem is that i am wary of changing gears and braking. i forget to change gear when i slow down. His nerves are nearly as frayed as mine by now, i think. i want a bullock cart - no gears, no clutch, no brake..just bulls and bullshit!

driving myself crazy

i hate the clutch. i hate the accelerator and the brake. After more than 2 years, i tried my hands at driving again. He, most graciously, agreed to be my driving guru.

Saturday morning, 7 a.m., the alarm went off. Dragging ourselves up from sleep, we drove off to find a deserted place where we could start without me mowing down anyone.
He tried to get me familiar with those three stupid pedals – A, B and C. The first day went off pretty well – i did everything he wanted me to - turned corners, reversed etc. i was pleased. He was pleased.

Sunday. We found another relatively secluded stretch of road. Trouble struck. i started the car and it moved one inch and stopped. It happened like 10 times! He said i was not “coordinating” the accelerator and clutch right. He grew exasperated. i sulked and sat with my hands on my lap, trying to “murder” the stupid car with my deadliest looks. He told me sweetly to have patience and try again. Patience. My foot. This time, i concentrated like I have never before and it worked. The car moved! Things did not go smooth.

He: There is someone coming in front. Brake.
i pressed my foot down on the accelerator. He nearly had a heart attack i think. i recovered in time to press down hard on the brake but forgot the clutch. The car stopped. i did not end up killing anyone, thank god.

A bump on the road and i accelerate.
He: Why did you accelerate? Did you want the car to fly? (Sarcastic %$$%%^).
i (sheepishly grinning): i wanted to brake so i accelerated. (What?!!).

After one excruciating hour, i told him i wanted to go home. My legs hurt from pressing down too hard on the clutch. And i was perspiring like a pig. And i was thinking “i will just hire a driver to drive me around rather than drive myself and make my nerves fry”.

i was supposed to go today morning too. The alarm went off and he woke me up but i coaxed him into going back to sleep! Tomorrow, i hope the pedals will treat me better. If not, i am going to swear off driving. i would rather walk. And Grapes are so sour.

imphal twilight

i took this picture last year when i went home to Imphal.