heartbreak season...

You are but a touch away
But how do i bridge this chasm between us?
This thin line between love and hate—
Have we crossed it in a moment of passion?
We both lay,
Wrapped in this blanket of silence.
One move, one touch, one smile
It is all that would take to break this spell.
But we wait—
Prolonging this hell we are in.
We toss and turn and sigh in our sleep
Hoping the other would hear the pain
That echoes in the silence between us.
Wounded pride and broken hearts—
Is that all that remains of our love?

chunk candle

One of my babies!

gender confusion?!

His parents are coming over today – so we have been trying to clean up the place and make it spick and span. They are sticklers for neatness – everything has to be in its place and all that.

i, on the other hand, am untidy to say the least. Maybe it is having grown up with people always tidying up after me – at home, i had my big sisters; in hostel S used to tidy up the corner of my room; now he does the tidying up. i have books in every corner – read and leave them, that is my policy! Hell, i can’t even fold a shirt properly – not that i am proud of the fact! i could be possibly one of the worst home-keepers in this world. i seem to float around in my own world where mundane worries occupy no place. But, to my credit, when i do take up house cleaning – rare occasions indeed - i go the whole hog.

Sometimes, i wonder why it is that i have so few feminine traits – no, i don’t feel like a guy trapped in a woman’s body! i can’t stand perfumes – i breathe through my mouth when i am in a perfume shop much to S’ amusement -, am emotionally allergic to ornaments of any kind – i did go through a phase in college when i wore earrings and junk jewellery. Now the only thing i wear willingly (apart from clothes, that is!) is a platinum ring. i don’t like frilly garments. No wonder S tells me sometimes “Tumi ki meye (Are you a girl?)”! Hah!

zen and the art of choosing cars!

Finally, after much debate, head-scratching, opinion poll of family members, we have bought a Zen Estilo. He wanted it before his parents come over on Thursday so it was sort of a hurried decision - of course we have spent many hours debating on whether we want to go in for a big car now – his dream CRV – or settle for a smaller car which we can dispose of later but i felt we were rushing it a bit. And since loan processing would have taken some days, he decided we should pay for it in cash so that we could get the car on Thursday. i didn’t feel like raining on his parade so i went along with his plan.

He wanted a WagonR because he didn’t like the look of the Estilo – well, truth be told, i don’t like either one of them but hell, the lesser of the two devils. We spent almost two hours at the showroom trying to make up our minds – he being a bit miffed that i didn’t go along with his choice. Oh great! i mean, people ask for your opinion and when you give them your opinion, they actually get offended that your choice is not to their liking! Anyway, there we were, checking out the two cars – oscillating between the two. In the end, i asked him to go for WagonR and he insisted on going for Estilo! God! His logic was that after he gets his CRV, i can drive the Estilo! Given a choice, i would dispose it and get myself something bigger – like a truck. Anyway, after looking at the features, we decided to ignore the not-too-impressive snub-faced look of the Estilo and went for it. S says it looks like a frog. i feel it looks more like a bug whose face has been squashed. But, as long as it can take us places, oh hell, does looks really matter? Oh well, it does. The only consolation is that we are not going to stick to it for a lifetime, so there.

And i am going bonkers about the 3D plan – we downloaded the trial version and god, am i impressed. We stayed up till 1 yesterday designing the blueprint of the flat. This is an excellent tool!

so tell me, do you fight?

The weekend – sigh, the weekend that was – punctuated with fights and make-up sessions. i am so tired of our silly tiffs – Friday always seem to bring out the worse in both of us. We both need a lesson in conflict handling. OK, making up is oh-so exciting but i would rather do without the fights. Do other couples fight too? Or are they so into each other that there is no scope of misunderstanding? i wonder.

Maybe it is partly my fault because i am too independent – i am too much into myself sometimes, OK, most of the times. But why should being independent be a fault? i guess i don’t like compromising and i cannot sugar coat my feelings – i mean i can be so blunt at times that it hurts the people i love. But what is the point of not being yourself with the ones you love – or even the ones you don’t? i mean, i don’t see any points in hiding my opinions or saying things i don’t mean just to make people happy. i know, as usual, i am being extreme. But i have been born with this attitude (eh?) – i love blaming everything on my genes! i just cannot hide my feelings – i have got too expressive a face for my own liking sometimes. Truth be told, i don’t like hiding my feelings – i would rather have it out in the open than have it festering inside. So be it crushes or loathing, you can always see it on my face. Which makes me a difficult person to be with – i admire his patience and love for having stuck to me for so long (it could be i have made him sick of girls now!! ha ha. Hey, i do have a weird sense of humour, ni?)

Oh enough of all this soul-baring-wearing stuff.

We are still undecided about which car to buy – it fluctuates from a 800 to Zen/Getz and their cousins. Now we are thinking of checking out the Indica Xeta. Such indecisive frogs we are. Which reminds me that i should stop being just a lazy ass and get my license.

And we are both going crazy about the plan for the flat – we keep changing our minds about the size and locations of the rooms. We went to meet the promoter on Saturday and he did help us out with some suggestions. He said yes to my plan to have those folding doors leading out to the balcony. But no bay windows .Now i am thinking of signing up for one of those online 3d software – just 15$ for a month and it is supposed to be helpful – much cheaper than hiring an architect or interior designer i say.